Cosmic 2×4, Staying Strong and Vulnerability

Cheryl Richardson gratitude for the cosmic rug-pulling

I love this quote from Cheryl Richardson: “There will come a day when you look back in gratitude for the cosmic rug-pulling that brought you here.” Yes, the gratitude will come, eventually, when we have learned the lesson and found the blessings in disguise. However, when something (or multiple things) causes you to lose your footing by surprise — whether it’s a slight stumble, or what feels like a free fall down the Grand Canyon — it’s hard not to get triggered while it’s happening.

Depending on your “default stress response”, you might react with anxiety, worry, anger, resentment, guilt, blame, fear, or a full-out panic attack. You might also feel sad, helpless or hopeless. I’ve been there many times myself, and even recently, I experienced a few minor “cosmic rug-pulling” that sent me into a little tailspin (yup, it happens to the best of us).

Being an introvert, when I feel stressed and overwhelmed, I tend to withdraw from social interactions. I was also brought up and taught to NEVER air your dirty laundry, show your weakness, or burden others with your problems. My parents are always very anxious and fearful that if we share something personal or show any weakness, some unsavory people will try to judge or harm us. So, I usually try to be strong and suffer alone. Can you relate?

Back to my recent cosmic 2×4 experience… It started with a car accident a few weeks ago. My husband and I were rear-ended on I-95. Thankfully, we walked away with minor injuries, but his car was totaled. We had to deal with getting treatments, replacing his car and all the tedious back-and-forth with the insurance companies. Then a few other “cosmic rug-pulling” happened, that got me so anxious, worried, fearful and overwhelmed, that I withdrew from FB and all social circles. At the time, I felt very overwhelmed, and social media felt like another thing “to do” that would add to my overwhelm. So I just stopped posting altogether.

After a week or two of silence, some of my FB friends started to send me private messages or post to my timeline, wondering what’s going on with me.

Well, this time, I did something different. I realized that it’s not very self-loving to deny myself the love and support that could help me. It’s also not fair to assume that my friends would see me as needy or a burden or wouldn’t care or support me. I was tired of suffering alone, and decided it’s time for me to ask for support. 

So, I posted this update to FB:

“Hello friends, I’m back! Sorry I’ve been MIA for a bit and got some of you worried. Thanks so much for checking in on me (you know who you are and I so appreciate you)! ♥  I’ve been dealing with some stuff. There were some more-than-usual highs and lows in the last few weeks, since the car accident Carey and I had on Easter Sunday. Some joyful celebrations, mixed with surprises of both good and bad kinds, and a WHOLE host of very strong emotions. I’ve been dealing with it privately with my family and just a few friends. All is well in the grand scheme of things. I was just feeling overwhelmed and social media seemed another thing “to do” that would add to my overwhelm, so I withdrew… This has been my M.O. however — I withdraw from social interactions when I feel stressed and overwhelmed. I was brought up and taught to NEVER air your dirty laundry or show your weakness in public, or worse, burden others. However, by doing so, I also cut myself off from the support I could’ve received from my friends. I now realize this is not helping me. It’s not very self-loving to deny myself the love and support that could help me. It’s also not fair to assume that my friends would see me as needy or a burden or wouldn’t care or support me.

I need to learn to be okay to feel vulnerable and ask for help. I’m far from perfect, and I don’t have it all together — and I’ll stop pretending that I do. I’ll update what’s going on later. There are some happy news for sure (including new butterflies!) and some challenges I’m still dealing with. For now, I’m asking you, my friends, to send some love, light and hugs, please. Thank you!!! ♥ “

I admit, I was anxious about posting this update, showing so much vulnerability. What would people think? Would they think that I’m weak and needy? How can I be stressed and overwhelmed? I’m a stress management expert, for God’s sake. Would they think that I’m not good at what I do? These thoughts are not self-loving, of course. I quickly released them and replaced them with EXTRA dosage of self-compassion. 

Breathe, Hueina, breathe.

Within minutes of posting this, I received kind words, love, light, hugs, prayers from SO many friends, both online and offline. And they kept coming in the following days. The outpouring of love and support warmed my heart and lifted my spirit.

But, what really moved me was the comments about vulnerability and being strong. Some thanked me for the courage and role-modeling to be authentic and vulnerable. Some offered assuring words that nobody has it all together and I’m not alone. Interestingly, quite a few people told me that I’m a very strong person, but it’s okay to be vulnerable too.

It does take a lot of courage to be authentic and vulnerable. The truth is, my friends have ALWAYS been very supportive. But, the fear of judgment and rejection is still paralyzing sometimes. However, putting on a brave face and pretending to be strong while I’m feeling the opposite, does not make me strong. It only cuts me off from the love and support that could really help me.

In my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul, I wrote about the importance of connection and asking for support in Key #7: Dare to Connect. Asking for help and support when you need is NOT being selfish or needy. It is an act of self-love. How can you receive any support if you pretend that you don’t even need it? How would people know you need help, if you don’t ask for it?

It’s a simple truth, isn’t it? Yet, so many of us still have a tough time asking for help. For me, it’s the fear of judgment and rejection. You might have a different reason why you don’t want to ask for help. We all have different upbringing and limiting beliefs that could prevent us from asking for support. The obstacle and the solution, I believe, are one and the same — the willingness to be vulnerable. 

This is a huge lesson for me, and I’m grateful for the cosmic 2×4 that created this learning opportunity. What I learned from my experience is that it takes a strong person to be authentic, to show vulnerability and ask for help. Nobody has it all together. Nobody is perfect. When we share ourselves authentically, we also strengthen our relationships with those around us. More often than not, when we do ask for help, there are many people who are willing and ready to lend a helping hand. Don’t assume that your friends would see you as needy or a burden, or wouldn’t care or support you. Please know that you deserve the love and support. All you need to do is ASK, and be open to RECEIVE.

And if I can support you through coaching, please do not hesitate to contact me and set up a discovery session. I am here for you. Sending you much love and light.

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving women find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

Hueina is a Mindful Wellness Expert, international keynote speaker, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, Founder & Master Coach of Beyond Horizon Coaching. What sets her apart from other experts is the 5,000 years of ancient Chinese culture and wisdom behind her. She started her first career as a RN, and has more than 26 years of experience in nursing, coaching, counseling, speaking, training, nonprofit management, sales, and small business. She is on a mission to empower one million women to love and nurture their true self, embrace their unique beauty and wisdom, and create a life of their CHOICE.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching and products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Intensive Self-Care: Allow Yourself to Rest Without Guilt

Self-Love Allow Yourself to Rest Without Guilt

After the car accident earlier this month, I’ve been taking extra time to rest, so that my body can heal and recover. Coincidentally, during a group coaching call the other day, the topic of rest and self-care came up. Several members in our group (all high-achieving woman entrepreneurs) have asked for support and guidance on getting more rest and self-care time for themselves. Some of us have a tough time setting boundaries around work. You know, when you are a high achiever working for yourself, it’s very tempting to work ALL the time. However, if you don’t have adequate rest and self-care, your health and your business simply won’t survive. Other people have a hard time unplugging from Internet and social media (myself included). It becomes a distraction and time suck that interfere with both work and family/personal time.

Apparently, taking time for rest and self-care is a common challenge among high achievers.

It’s no surprise to me. Self-Care Deficiency is a hidden epidemic among moms, caregivers, healthcare professionals, small business owners and other high-achievers, as I discussed in my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. So many women have a hard time ALLOWING themselves to rest — out of guilt, unworthiness, or because they are so wound up (mentally, physically, emotionally, or all of the above) that they simply cannot relax and rest . Can you relate?

I used to feel very guilty for sleeping in, especially when my kids were younger, and when it’s bright & sunny outside (that was an old programming from my childhood about not being lazy & wasting time). I often “override” my body’s signals with my strong will and my drive to achieve. The old programming that says if you rest & sleep in, it means you’re not a good mother or not working hard enough, used to bring up SO much guilt in me. I’d beat myself over and over.

Nowadays? NO GUILT. I honor and allow my body to rest when it needs to. The work will get done with more grace & ease, when I’m fully recharged.

How about you? Do you listen to your own body, and ALLOW yourself to rest without guilt? What old messages & beliefs get stirred up when you try to rest or do something nice for yourself?

Allowing yourself to rest is not being selfish or lazy. It’s an act of self-love. I love what my coach suggested — be “an overachiever for rest”. Let’s channel our overachieving energy into Intensive Self-Care. Let’s try it for a week, OK? Are you up for the challenge? :)

Tell me: What would you commit to do (or NOT do) today, in order to take better care of YOU? Please comment below and let me know. I’d love to hear from you.

If you need support in creating a self-care practice and more time for YOU (minus the guilt), I invite you to book a complimentary 30-min consultation with me via phone or Skype, and we will explore how coaching with me can help you. You can schedule your appointment here

Take good care of yourself, because you are irreplaceable.

P.S. My book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul is a PERFECT Mother’s Day gift — for yourself and/or for someone you really care about. You can order here.

 

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving women find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

Hueina is a Mindful Wellness Expert, international keynote speaker, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, Founder & Master Coach of Beyond Horizon Coaching. What sets her apart from other experts is the 5,000 years of ancient Chinese culture and wisdom behind her. She started her first career as a RN, and has more than 26 years of experience in nursing, coaching, counseling, speaking, training, nonprofit management, sales, and small business. She is on a mission to empower one million women to love and nurture their true self, embrace their unique beauty and wisdom, and create a life of their CHOICE.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching and products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Are You Black And Blue from Beating Yourself Up?

Not Good Enough

If you’re on any social media, you might recall that back in February, #TheDress became arguably the most viral story in the history of viral Internet stories. It was a picture of a dress that in some lighting looked black and blue, and in other times appeared to be white and gold. The silly debates and viral meme aside, one good thing came out of it… The Salvation Army in South Africa used the viral sensation to create an ad campaign for domestic violence awareness. One in six women are victims of abuse, according to Salvation Army’s tweet. The ad copy reads “Why is it so hard to see black and blue? The only illusion is if you think it was her choice.”

Salvation Army Black and Blue Ad 599x229
Domestic violence is an important and serious issue. However, I’d argue that there’s another kind of violence against women (and men too) that is just as serious but often overlooked. What I’m referring to is violence against ourselves. 

As you know, oftentimes we are our own biggest critic and worst enemy. As high achievers, we tend to be so hard on ourselves. Do you beat yourself up? A little? A lot? All the time?

Are you honoring your own core values and priorities? Are you honoring your SELF? Are you treating yourself and your loved ones with love, respect, compassion, and tender loving care?

OR… Are you often “black and blue” from beating yourself up? How often do you deny yourself your own heart’s desires and the TLC you deserve?

Maybe you have incredibly high (or unrealistic) standards and expectations for yourself, and nothing you do is ever good enough. Maybe you keep picking on yourself about your “not-enoughness” such as “I’m not good enough, thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough or (fill in the blank) enough”, “I didn’t try hard enough”, “I didn’t give/care/help enough”, “I’m not a good enough mom/wife/daughter”, etc. You get the idea.

Maybe you keep beating yourself up for what you have or have not done in the past. Maybe you keep telling yourself that you’ll never achieve your goal, find your soul mate, realize your dreams, because there’s something fundamentally wrong with you and you don’t deserve the good things in life.

Perhaps every time you look in the mirror, all you can see is all the flaws and imperfections on your face and body. Instead of appreciating your own unique beauty, and what your body has done for you, all you can think of is more reasons to put yourself down or beat yourself up.

Tell me: Can you see the black and blue from all this beating you’ve done on yourself?

Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was WAY off base. Words — whether spoken words, written words, or words in your head — DO hurt, and the injuries they inflict are often more serious and long-lasting than those caused by sticks and stones. 

Last weekend, my husband and I got into a car accident, and I was rushed to ER. Fortunately, no bones were broken, but I suffered soft tissue injuries to my neck and back. Those injuries don’t show up on the X-ray, and they are not visible to the naked eye, but, it doesn’t mean that they are not there or not serious.

By the same token, the kind of violence and injuries we inflict on ourselves with our words and thoughts are not visible, but, the traumas are usually deep and long-lasting.

If you make a point to pay attention to what you say to yourself throughout the day, you might feel surprised, shocked and/or really sad. Seriously, some of the words we say to ourselves, we probably would NEVER say to anyone else, because they are so unkind, mean or downright abusive. Only bullies would say those things to their victims!

So, if you are black and blue from beating yourself up, what can you do? There are many ways to cultivate self-love, self-compassion and self-acceptance. Here are 3 ideas for you to try:

1. Set up self-love reminders. To change your perpetual habit of criticizing and judging yourself, and cultivate the new habit of loving and accepting yourself, you need a LOT of practice and reminders. You can post affirmations and reminders such as “I love and accept myself completely”, “I am whole and complete just the way I am”, “Be kind to yourself” all over your house and/or office. If you use a smart phone, you can set these up as reminders to show up on your phone every day at a certain time (or multiple times a day). Or, use them as your computer’s screen saver.

2. Pay attention to your self-talk. Every time you catch yourself saying critical words to yourself, STOP, and replace those critical words/thoughts with loving, compassionate words toward yourself.

3. Talk to your Inner Child. If you make a mistake or fail to meet your own (or someone else’s) expectations, instead of beating yourself up, immediately tell yourself, “It’s okay. I still love you. I will always love you, no matter what.” It’s even more effective if you imagine you are saying this to your Inner Child and comforting her, telling her that you will always love her, accept her and protect her, no matter what. You can visualize your younger self and imagine you are speaking to her and giving her a hug. I have one of my favorite childhood pictures as my iPhone’s screen saver. So, I always have a visual reference of my Inner Child, and a constant reminder to be kind to her. Alternatively, you can stand in front of a mirror, look into your own eyes while you say these words to yourself with as much love as possible. At first you might feel very awkward. That’s normal. With practice, it will get easier to look at yourself with love and compassion, and you WILL feel a difference.

ADVANCED TIP: Instead of trying to silence your Inner Critic or Inner Bully (which doesn’t work very well, as you’ve probably found out by yourself), there is a process to coach your Inner Critic and transform her/him into your ally. This is something we can work on during our coaching sessions. I can guide you through this process.

Louise Hay self-love quote stop criticizing yourself start approving of yourself
Louise Hay said, “You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.

Are you willing to give it a try? Is this the year you FINALLY put your health and Intensive Self-Care on top of your list, and learn to LOVE and ACCEPT yourself no matter what?

If you are READY and WILLING to make some positive changes in your life, in your self-care, and in cultivating self-love & self-compassion, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me by phone or Skype, and let’s explore how coaching with me can be the right support for YOU.

 

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving women find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

Hueina is a Mindful Wellness Expert, international keynote speaker, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, Founder & Master Coach of Beyond Horizon Coaching. What sets her apart from other experts is the 5,000 years of ancient Chinese culture and wisdom behind her. She started her first career as a RN, and has more than 26 years of experience in nursing, coaching, counseling, speaking, training, nonprofit management, sales, and small business. She is on a mission to empower one million women to love and nurture their true self, embrace their unique beauty and wisdom, and create a life of their CHOICE.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching and products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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The One Decision That Saved My Life

The One Decision The Saved My Life

This Wednesday, I celebrated my 49th birthday. Wow, I’m almost half a century old (I know, I don’t look or feel like that)!! As a result, you can probably imagine, I’m in a celebratory and more contemplative mood this week. I’d like to share with you some birthday musings and some inspiration with you.

Hueina 1991 vs 2015

The picture on the left was taken a few days before my birthday in 1991, and the picture on the right was taken on my birthday this year. Two pictures. Twenty-four years apart. When I look at the pictures side by side, I look and feel like a totally different person. Back in 1991, I was in graduate school, stressed out from studying in a foreign country, while going through several painful relationship break-ups. I was painfully shy, insecure and desperately craving love and acceptance from Prince Charming. I didn’t know I was beautiful, lovable and worthy of love. I didn’t know that I need to give love and approval to MYSELF, instead of trying to get love and approval from others. Ironically, I kept attracting men who cheated on me and broke my heart into pieces. It was after 3 men in a row cheated on me that I completely fell apart, and that triggered a profound spiritual awakening for me. I made ONE DECISION that saved my life and turned my life around.

When I look at my younger self, my heart is filled with compassion for her, and gratitude for how far I have come, and WHO I have become.

In my segment in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys (starring Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff), I shared that spiritual awakening experience, the ONE DECISION that saved my life, and the advice I’d give to my younger self. I’d like to share my segment with you today, because I know you will gain some inspiration and insights from watching it.

If I were to ask you to look back at your younger self, what comes to mind? In what way are you different from your younger self? What are you most proud about who you are today? What advice would you give to your younger self? What self-loving commitments would you make to YOURSELF?

As for my birthday celebrations… My daughter was leaving for college last Saturday, my husband was leaving for a 6-day business trip on Sunday, and my son informed me that he will be having dinner with his buddies on my birthday. Since we moved from NJ to VA a few months ago, all my good friends, cousins & sisters are at least 3-6 hours away. That means, I’d be celebrating my birthday all by myself. :( Good thing I had the foresight to get myself a birthday cake last Friday, so that my family could celebrate my birthday in advance, while everyone was home. :)

On my actual birthday, I took myself to a day spa for a 90-min massage. It’s one of my favorite birthday traditions FOR myself. Even when I was going through some dark times in the last few years, I kept up this self-loving tradition, which I’m proud and grateful for. I usually hang out in the quiet room of the spa afterwards to reflect and set intentions for the new year. This year, I couldn’t find a full-feature day spa like the one I loved in NJ, but, I did find a nice spa that offers a rose and lavender massage. I was intrigued because the description says it includes a dry body brushing, flowing full body massage with rose & lavender cream, and being “cocooned” in a bed of rose petals while enjoying scalp and neck massage. Being “cocooned” like in a butterfly chrysalis? You know how much I LOVE butterflies. Of course I wanted to try that! It was very relaxing, indeed. Then, I tried a new Asian fusion restaurant, because I was craving sushi. Imagine my surprise, when I saw the “Caterpillar Roll” on the menu. Wow, another sign about butterflies! Of course, I HAD to try the Caterpillar Roll along with sashimi. They were both delicious and I was so impressed by the presentation! Another surprise was that my son texted me an hour before dinner, saying his dinner plan got cancelled, so he could now have dinner with me. YIPEEE! We went to our favorite Thai place near our home and had a great time! I feel so blessed and grateful for all the love and birthday wishes from my family and friends.

Now, go watch my video (see below). I bet you can relate to my story on some level, as so many people who watched that movie have told me so. I have a hunch that it might help you in some way. I’d love to hear your story and what you think of the video. Please leave your comment below, OK? If I can support you on your journey in any way, please do not hesitate to contact me.

More importantly, please take good care of yourself, because you are irreplaceable.

Here is The Keeper of the Keys video. Enjoy! If you love my segment, you’d want to order your own copy of The Keeper of The Keys movie DVD here.

The Keeper of the Keys movie DVD cover

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving women find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

Hueina is a Mindful Wellness Expert, international keynote speaker, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, Founder & Master Coach of Beyond Horizon Coaching. What sets her apart from other experts is the 5,000 years of ancient Chinese culture and wisdom behind her. She started her first career as a RN, and has more than 26 years of experience in nursing, coaching, counseling, speaking, training, nonprofit management, sales, and small business. She is on a mission to empower one million women to love and nurture their true self, embrace their unique beauty and wisdom, and create a life of their CHOICE.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching and products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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The Last Knit: A Lesson Of Passion, Balance and Letting Go

The Last Knit animated short film directed by Laura Neuvonen

It was right before dawn, a knitter quietly walked toward a cliff. She picked a good vantage point facing the cliff and the rising sun, set up a chair and spread out her knitting supplies. She looked around, smiled, feeling satisfied with her arrangement, and got ready to create her masterpiece. As the sun rose up in the sky, the knitter has created a beautiful, long, multicolored scarf. She reached down to a pair of scissors at her feet, getting ready to cut the yarn and finish her masterpiece. However, she hesitated and decided to keep going. She stroked and examined her creation with admiration and pride, as she continued to knit. Her passionate fingers moved skillfully, faster and faster. The scarf grew longer and longer, curled and piled up by her feet. She stretched her legs and gave the pile a gentle kick, in order to create more room for her creation to grow.

That innocent, gentle kick was the tipping point that created the irrevocable domino effects that sealed her fate…

You see, unbeknownst to the knitter, when she kicked the pile of scarf to make more room, the tip of the long scarf fell off the edge of the cliff. As she continued to knit, and the scarf continued to grow longer, more of the scarf hung off the edge of the cliff, and the growing weight started to pull the entire scarf AND the knitter toward the edge of the cliff.

By now, the knitter realized there was a problem, as she was fighting a losing battle to pull the scarf away from the cliff. She could barely keep herself from falling down the cliff with her masterpiece. At this point, she could no longer reach the scissors, as she had been pulled WAY too far from her chair. What are her options? She could pull out her knitting needles and let go of her scarf. Or, she could simply let the whole thing go…

But, of course, she couldn’t, and WOULDN’T, let go of her beloved masterpiece.

Instead, she decided to knit FASTER, adding length to her scarf in order to counteract the weight and speed of the rest of the scarf falling down the cliff. Her face stubborn and determined. Her fingers moving feverishly. She knitted and knitted like there was no tomorrow… At one point, the scarf flew up in the sky, as she stared defiantly at it, as if she was taming a wild beast. For a moment, you might think that victory was hers. However, that’s when she ran out of yarn.

That’s when everything fell apart… 

The scarf now pulled her entire body off of balance and she was being dragged on the ground toward the edge of the cliff. She couldn’t reach back for the scissors. There was nothing nearby for her to grab on. In a moment of desperation, she decided to knit her long hair into her creation. She thought she could buy enough time to pull the entire thing back from the cliff. However, she simply didn’t have the strength.

Her creation has grown to be larger than life and she couldn’t do anything but be dragged down by it. The edge of the cliff was fast approaching. And this time, she was totally attached (literally!) to her creation and couldn’t even let go…

This is the story from an amazing animated film called The Last Knit. The entire film is less than 7 minutes long, with NO dialogue at all, but it’s full of edge-of-your-seat twists and turns till the end, with some PROFOUND lessons. I’ve included the video at the end of this post, so you can watch the film yourself, and find out what happened to the knitter in the end. It’s a surprise.

What do you think of this story? To me, this is a cautionary tale about passion, balance (or lack thereof), and letting go.

There is a fine line between passion and obsession, between devotion and compulsion. Would you say this knitter was passionate and devoted? Or, would you say that she has crossed the line and become obsessive compulsive?

I’d like you to read my article again, but this time, replace the word “knitting” with “working.” The scarf represents the money, fame, power and anything else that the knitter is determined to achieve in life. The chair represents her grounded center — her life balance or her true self. The scissors represent the discernment for “enough-ness.” As time passes, the more she accomplishes, the more ambitious she becomes. She could have used the scissors to cut the scarf when it’s “good enough”, but her ambition for MORE and her attachment to her creation pushed her to keep going, allowing herself to be pulled off of balance, and almost led to her own demise.

What do you think about this story now? How differently do you feel when you see it through this new lens?

Have you met people who are so passionate about their work, and so devoted to their own creation, that they have lost their balance in life, or even become a bit obsessive compulsive?

Have you ever felt like you have lost your balance (and/or yourself) while working at a job, a project or a business, and felt like you were being dragged involuntarily like the knitter in the story?

When you get to the point of your creative process, where you could “tie a bow” and it would be good enough by most standards, how often do you choose to keep going, to make it bigger, better or more perfect?

When something (a job, business, project or relationship) is overwhelming or falling apart, do you tend to work harder and faster, “weave your hair in it” and sacrifice yourself as a last-ditch effort?

How do you find the balance between passion and obsession?

Can you discern when to persevere and when to let go?

Where do you draw the proverbial line in the sand?

When is enough really enough?

These, my friend, are the questions I’m offering for you to ponder. If you can’t answer them for yourself, perhaps I can help.  Contact me for a complimentary initial consultation (by phone or Skype), and I will help you get some clarity and point you toward possible next action steps.

 

The Last Knit (2005) from Anima Vitae on Vimeo.
About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving women find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

Hueina is a Mindful Wellness Expert, international keynote speaker, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, Founder & Master Coach of Beyond Horizon Coaching. What sets her apart from other experts is the 5,000 years of ancient Chinese culture and wisdom behind her. She started her first career as a RN, and has more than 26 years of experience in nursing, coaching, counseling, speaking, training, nonprofit management, sales, and small business. She is on a mission to empower one million women to love and nurture their true self, embrace their unique beauty and wisdom, and create a life of their CHOICE.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching and products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Stop! In the Name of Love


The majority of people I work with and speak to are highly successful and intelligent high-achieving professional women and entrepreneurs. It’s the same type of women I’m also connected with on Facebook and other social media. The interesting thing about social media is that you get to have a peek into other people’s lives from their posts and also from the comments by others. If you pay attention, there are some patterns and trends worth noticing.

For example, there is a worrisome trend I’ve observed over the years, but more so in the last few years. More and more women (whether successful professional women, entrepreneurs, or stay-at-home moms) are pushing themselves past breaking point! As women, we’ve taken on more and more responsibilities both at home and at work. In the process of pursuing our professional goals and taking care of our loved ones, our own needs often got pushed off our mile-long to-do list. Not only that, I’m seeing more and more women who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) take a much-needed break UNLESS they are sick.

Can you relate?

I cringe every time I read or hear someone say that they are so physically ill or injured, BUT they choose to push on, instead of allowing themselves to rest and heal. They complain that they are feeling so miserable, but, they still wouldn’t stop. So, a simple cold might drag on forever, or turn into a sinus infection or even pneumonia. Then, and ONLY then, they’d be FORCED to take a long break in order to recover.

Believe me, I know this all too well, because that used to be my M.O. for many years.

Years ago, I was working with a very successful business coach, who is a typical Type-A high achiever. I’d never forget a story she told us. She was pushing herself really hard, as usual, and running nonstop building her coaching business, writing a new book and getting ready for an international speaking tour that she was really excited about. Right before her speaking tour, however, she tripped and broke her Achilles tendon! She was forced to cancel her speaking tour and rest for 6 months. It was a painful and long recovery, not to mention a costly lesson. She laughed and said that the Universe literally forced her to stop, because she wouldn’t listen.

That story really made an impression on me. I became very aware of how often I had done the same thing to myself. I was so driven and always pushed myself relentlessly. It’d take nothing short of an illness or injury to slow me down. I almost always got sick right after a big goal or project was completed — and sometimes I got sick right before the deadline. Sounds familiar? I’d push and push, ignoring my body’s signal for needing a break. Then I’d get sick and rightfully get a chance to rest. It’s almost as if I unconsciously didn’t feel that I deserved to rest UNLESS I was sick, so my body had to break down in order to get the rest it needed.

Can you relate? The show must go on, you might say. And, you’d even say it with a sense of pride, as if you’re wearing a badge of honor for working so hard while you’re feeling so ill.

One time, a very successful coach I know said that she was very proud for delivering a multi-day training, even though she was running a high fever and coughing miserably. She patted herself on the back for keeping her commitment in spite of her flu. I commended her on her strong work ethic and commitment, then gently asked, “I wonder if it is for your highest good, and your participants’ highest good, for you to deliver the training when you are feeling so sick?

It’s something to think about, isn’t it? Besides the obvious concern that you don’t want to pass your germs to someone else, why are you doing this to yourself? More importantly, what are you modeling for your clients, team members, students, colleagues, and/or children?

Whether you are a professional woman, business owner, corporate executive or working mom, your health and well-being are essential for your long-term success and happiness. You are the “golden goose” and you need to treat yourself accordingly.

When I look back at how I was treating myself years ago, my heart is filled with compassion for my younger self — just as I’m now feeling compassionate toward the women who are pushing themselves relentlessly, often past breaking point. I’m so glad that I’ve learned to be kinder to myself, take better care of myself, and tune in more keenly to my own body. I rest when I need to. I no longer need to get sick, just so that I can “legitimately” take a much-needed break.

If you are one of those high-achievers who push themselves without proper self-care, if you are heading toward burning out or breaking down (physically and/or emotionally), please, STOP in the name of love. STOP in the name of self-love. STOP for the sake of the people you love (and those who love you). STOP for the sustainable success of your career, business, and/or the cause you care deeply about. They need you to be healthy, happy, vibrant and engaged. They need you to be there for them for years to come. Your burning out or breaking down WOULD NOT serve anyone.

I sincerely hope that you, too, will learn to be more loving and compassionate toward yourself. Give yourself a little more time each day, to rest, to nurture your body and recharge your spirit. Even just a few minutes of quiet time or a cat nap would make a huge difference. Give it a try, OK? YOU deserve it.

If you need more inspiration and strategies for taking care of yourself WHILE you take care of others, make sure you get a copy of my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. You can download the first 4 chapters (as my gift to you) at www.IntensiveSelfCareBook.com.

Take good care of yourself… because you are irreplaceable!

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving women find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

Hueina is a Mindful Wellness Expert, international keynote speaker, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, Founder & Master Coach of Beyond Horizon Coaching. What sets her apart from other experts is the 5,000 years of ancient Chinese culture and wisdom behind her. She started her first career as a RN, and has more than 26 years of experience in nursing, coaching, counseling, speaking, training, nonprofit management, sales, and small business. She is on a mission to empower one million women to love and nurture their true self, embrace their unique beauty and wisdom, and create a life of their CHOICE.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching and products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Can You Love Yourself When You Have More Flaws Than Virtues?

Do you find it hard to love yourself? If so, you are not alone. I’ve found that when people have difficulty loving themselves, there is usually something they cannot forgive in themselves. Maybe it’s something they think they should’ve done or shouldn’t have done, and they beat themselves up over and over. Can you relate? Some people think they are not worthy of love because they have more flaws than virtues. It’s difficult to love yourself when you think this way. Guilt, shame and un-forgiveness can block out love, peace, joy, abundance and all good things in life.

So, how do you love yourself when you think that you are not worthy of love? Someone once told me that she thinks it’s impossible to love yourself unconditionally, without believing in a Higher Power who is all-loving. I didn’t agree with her at first, but, I now think it’s a helpful point of view to adopt, especially for those who have a hard time loving themselves. So, I’m offering it for you to consider and try it on for size. If you believe there is an ALL-LOVING Higher Power, that means He or She loves, accepts and forgives you (and everyone else) UNCONDITIONALLY. In other words, you ARE loved and you ARE worthy of love by the Divine, always and unconditionally. If the Divine can love you unconditionally with all your “flaws”, how can you not love yourself? It’s a CHOICE you’ve got to make for yourself.

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving women find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

Hueina is a Mindful Wellness Expert, international keynote speaker, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, Founder & Master Coach of Beyond Horizon Coaching. What sets her apart from other experts is the 5,000 years of ancient Chinese culture and wisdom behind her. She started her first career as a RN, and has more than 26 years of experience in nursing, coaching, counseling, speaking, training, nonprofit management, sales, and small business. She is on a mission to empower one million women to love and nurture their true self, embrace their unique beauty and wisdom, and create a life of their CHOICE.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching and products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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