Putting Myself Back in the Game

It was the New Jersey International Wushu Tournament. I was competing in the long fist forms division. All eyes were on me and the other competitor on the floor with me. Even though I only had 3 weeks of practice before the tournament, I was feeling great and doing well with my form.

Then my worst nightmare happened.

I remember glancing at the other competitor on the floor with me and noticed she had finished her form. We performed different forms, and hers was so much shorter than mine. I remember thinking to myself: “Wow, she is already done? I’m only half way through my form!” When you are competing in tournaments, martial arts or otherwise, it’s extremely important to stay 100% focused and not pay attention to other competitors. However, for a second or two, I was thinking about the other woman and took my focus off my own form. Before I knew it, it happened.

There I was, standing in the middle of the gym, all eyes on me, and I went BLANK. It was like an out-of-body experience. I couldn’t think. I dared not look around. I didn’t even remember the last move I did. My mind was blank except the scream in my head that grew louder and louder: “Oh my God!!! OH MY GOD!!!”

Years ago, I competed in state and regional tournaments, won many gold & silver medals, and this had never happened to me. Of course, I had always allowed at least 3 months to train for any tournaments, and had my form down completely. This time, however, I only had 3 weeks to prepare, and I didn’t even mean to compete in the first place!

Three months ago, my children started learning Wushu, one of many styles of Chinese Kung Fu. They both picked it up quickly, and seeing how much fun they were having, I decided to join them. Taking Wushu became one of our shared interests and fun time together. When the tournament was announced, I didn’t think my children had enough training and there was just not enough time to prepare. However, a few weeks later, when I heard a bunch of other kids from our school were going to compete, I re-considered and decided to sign them up. Since we only had 3 weeks left until the tournament, I decided to train with them. My intention was to learn the form so I could help them. Ironically, my children learned the form so quickly while I was struggling at the beginning to memorize the moves. The first training session, we were taught 45 moves, some of them brand new to us, and that’s only less than half of the entire form!! The Gremlin in my head was screaming “NO WAY! I can’t possibly learn ALL this!! I can’t do it!! Nobody can get ready for tournament in 3 weeks!! This is totally CRAZY!!”

On top of that, my body was screaming too!! Before learning Wushu, I had not trained or exercised much at all for more than a year. I kind of “let myself go” and my physical fitness and energy level really suffered. Even though I still looked thin, I was really out of shape compared to my old self. My body was hurting and I couldn’t breathe right. I felt defeated and sad that I’ve let myself go.

Every training session, my Gremlin continued to bombard me with “I CAN’T” messages. I had to keep telling him to shut up and keep telling myself I can do this!! It’s like a silent screaming match up there!! The Black Belt in me gradually woke up and I was determined to learn this form. I continued to struggle and train every day, and finally, my mind and body “clicked” and I learned the form. Finally I was able to do the entire form on my own and without running out of breath. My confidence grew when I realized that my form was not bad at all. As the tournament came up, the excitement drew me in. The day before the tournament, I decided to compete. I was feeling great on the tournament day, even though I still had a trace of doubt and fear that I might forget my form. I even visualized holding the medal in my hand.

It doesn’t matter now. I was totally STUCK!! It felt like I was stuck there for ETERNITY!! (Actually, when I watched the video afterward, that moment was less than 3 seconds, but it sure FELT like eternity when it happened.)

I had watched my children compete earlier and they both did very well, even though it was their very first martial arts tournament. They didn’t forget their forms at all. Now it was my turn, and I was the one forgetting! Am I going to cry like the other kids who also forgot their forms? How embarrassing!! How do I get myself out of this? I wish I could just disappear and erase everybody’s memory of watching my form, but that wasn’t one of my super powers.

After what felt like eternity, I somehow put myself back together and finished my form. SO glad it was over!! I cringed as the judges gave out the scores. It was not bad at all, despite my mistake. Whew!! What a relief!!

In the end, my daughter won a silver medal, and I got a gold. It was my daughter’s very first medal and she was overjoyed!! Both my daughter and son have worked very hard for this tournament and I’m SO proud of them!!

I’m very proud of myself too. Out of all my gold medals, this one is very special. Not only did I challenge myself and accomplished what seemed to be Mission Impossible, I proved to myself that I could still triumph after a HUGE mistake. The old me would have felt so embarrassed and ashamed that I would have been completely paralyzed. But the new me focused on “How do I get myself out of this?” My mind had to quickly switch to problem-solving mode and it got me unstuck.

In addition, the referee that was in charge of giving out medals made a mistake, and did not give my gold medal to me. The old me would have assumed that they were right and cost myself a gold medal. However, I decided to speak up and double-check. As it turned out, I was not the only one who almost missed my medal. Two other children in my school were supposed to win gold and silver medals! I’m so proud of myself for speaking up!!

The biggest lesson I have learned is that I must put myself in the game in order to win. If I had listened to my Gremlin, I would’ve believed that it was impossible for me to learn the form or get ready for the tournament in 3 weeks. I would have given up before the tournament and probably even talked my children out of it. If I didn’t believe in myself, I wouldn’t have decided to compete at all, and my chance of winning any medal would have been ZERO.

How about you? Do you stay in the game with full commitment and determination? Do you stick to the end, no matter what setbacks you encounter? Or do you let your Gremlin take you out of the game before it even starts?

More importantly, who do you need to be, in order to win the prize?

How I Got My 4-Day Birthday Celebration

This past week was amazing for me. First of all, Spring is officially here. The Earth is awakening and so am I. Big change is on the horizon. Can you feel that?

Second of all, Thursday was my birthday. It’s become sort of a tradition for me, to spend a day at a spa for my birthday. This year was no exception. I LOVE getting pampered, and spending time alone reflecting about my life in the Quiet Room.

I’m so grateful for all the friends, family and colleagues who sent me wonderful birthday wishes, by greeting cards, phone calls, emails and on Facebook. I appreciate YOU!!

This year I got a special 4-day birthday celebration, including the spa day. No, I didn’t plan for it to happen this way, and that’s why it was extra special. Curious? Let me tell you how it happened.

My coaches mastermind group planned to watch Dr. Wayne Dyer’s new movie “The Shift”, and they happened to pick the night before my birthday. The movie was amazing and my mastermind pals gave me a surprise birthday celebration too! My favorite spiritual teacher and girlfriends on the same night – what’s not to like?!! The birthday cake was just gravy (actually it was a yummy chocolate cake, but you know what I mean.)

On my actual birthday, I followed my “birthday tradition” of spending a day at the spa. I LOVE getting pampered, and spending some time alone reflecting about my life in the Quiet Room. This year I got an 8:30 AM appointment for massage, because that was the only time available with my favorite massage therapist on that day. If you know me, you know I’m not a morning person at all. I didn’t like the idea of having to get up early for a spa day, but, it was worth it. When I got there, I was the only person at the steam shower, and again at the Quiet Room. I got to savor my cappuccino and fresh fruits in complete silence. It’s as if I’ve got the ENTIRE spa to myself. Ah, it felt FABULOUS! By the time I finished my massage, the Quiet Room was no longer quiet, which made me appreciate my quiet moment even more.

The next day (Friday), my little sister came from NY to take me out for lunch. We haven’t seen each other for months! We’re both busy with our work and family (she has 3 kids and I have two). I know how busy she and her husband are, and her kids are involved with so many after-school activities. Even though this is the closest we’ve ever lived from each other, it just seems like it’s very difficult to find time to get our families together. Needless to say, I’m SO happy that she made a point to come out to celebrate my birthday with me!! We got a couple hours of sister time over lobster salad, wine and window shopping at the mall. As it turned out, her office in NYC is not that far from another mall in NJ, which is a perfect mid-point for us to meet. Why didn’t I think of that before? I’ve been so fixated on getting our two families together that I didn’t see the possibility of spending alone time with my sister. Now that our kids are a little older and we both have some flexibility in our work schedule, we could meet for lunch on weekdays. Getting our two families together will still take some advance planning, but the two of us will hopefully see each other more often. Yay for more sister time!!

I took my children out for dinner on my birthday, but my husband couldn’t join us. We were planning to have my birthday cake after he came home, but, the kids fell asleep before he did. Friday night my daughter was out with her friends, so we couldn’t have the cake either. To be honest, I was a little bummed. Then Saturday, my husband saved the day by suggesting that we check out a restaurant we’ve never been to, and have my birthday cake there. Finally I had an “official” birthday celebration with my family, and it was well worth the wait.

Now you know how I ended up with a 4-day birthday celebration. As I said, I didn’t plan for it to happen this way, but, everything happened better than I could have planned. I was again reminded that, when things don’t go “my way”, there might be a better plan for me. I also learned that sometimes it takes thinking out of the box to get what I want.

How do you celebrate your birthday? What do you do to nurture yourself on your birthday (and every day)? You know, I used to feel guilty for treating myself to a spa day, or anything just for ME. Now I’m older and wiser. Haha! But, seriously, if you feel guilty about nurturing yourself, perhaps you can look at Intensive Self-Care from a different perspective.

For me, as a business owner, a solopreneur, I know how important it is to take good care of myself. After all, my business will not exist without me. I treat my annual birthday spa day not as an unnecessary expense or selfish luxury. I treat it as an important business investment.

Even if you are not a business owner, your well-being is critical for your personal success and the well-being of your loved ones. And Intensive Self-Care is not just about taking care of yourself physically or pampering treatments. It includes nurturing yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Intensive Self-Care is not a luxury, or being selfish. It’s an essential practice for your long-term well-being and success. It’s like putting on your own oxygen mask FIRST, so you can take better care of others.

How can you look at self-care from a different perspective, so you can practice Intensive Self-Care without guilt? What self-care practices can you incorporate into your daily life? For more ideas, download your FREE Intensive Self-Care Kit.

Take good care of yourself, because you are irreplaceable!

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