When Broken Wings Took Flight

When I came home from a month-long vacation, I was pleasantly surprised by how much my butterfly bush grew. In a sunny spot in my backyard, it’s in full bloom, showing off its purple blossoms. I was admiring its beauty through the kitchen window, when I saw a huge butterfly landing on top of the bush. Being an avid photographer, even though feeling dazed from jet lag, I grabbed my camera and rushed outside. Despite my best effort not to startle the butterfly, it flew away as soon as I approached. I watched it fly away with its stunning wings, and said silently: “Hello butterfly! I will never hurt you. I just want to take your pictures because you are so beautiful.” I said that a few times, then waited.

I quieted my mind, closed my eyes, and just enjoyed the warm sun on my skin. When I opened my eyes, a big bumble bee on another flowering bush caught my eye, and I went over to take its pictures. Then, to my surprise, a humming bird showed up! This was only the second time in my life that I saw a humming bird, and I was overjoyed I had my good camera at ready! After the humming bird, I captured some great pictures of a spider, a dragonfly and more bees. The butterfly came back once in a while, as if checking me out. Each time I greeted it silently, reassuring that I will not hurt it. However, as soon as I tried to take its picture, it fled.

“Oh well”, I thought to myself, “I’ve really enjoyed myself and got quite a few good shots this afternoon. I’m happy with or without the butterfly.” Moments later, the butterfly reappeared. This time, it flew past me and landed on top of the butterfly bush. It lingered just long enough for me to take a few pictures. “Thank you”, I said silently as it flew away gracefully.

When I looked at the pictures, I was astounded by what I saw. A good chunk of the butterfly’s wings was missing. It’s as if someone, or something, has ripped it off violently. What battle of survival has this little guy fought? I wonder. What courage and strength does it take to fly again? I bet when the butterfly took flight with the broken wings, it wasn’t thinking its wings were no longer perfect. We all have traumas and battle scars from the past. The question is, do you focus on the trauma and imperfection, or your strength and beauty?

What My Beloved Handbag Taught Me

Are you feeling a bit frayed or about to snap?

A few days ago, I went on one of the most exciting trips in my professional life – I flew to Florida for my very first national TV appearance on Lifetime Television’s morning show The Balancing Act. I’ve been on several local TV shows, but this is my very first national TV appearance. Needless to say, I was so excited! It took me a long time to shop and decide which outfits to bring (they wanted me to bring 3 alternatives, and let’s not forget the shoes) and make the travel arrangements. The new jacket I bought, a beautiful white jacket with white beads and floral embroidery, was vetoed by the show’s production coordinator. She told me they prefer their guests not to wear any black or white or navy outfits. “It’s a morning show”, she stressed, “we want bright colors.” Well, if you know me, I wear black A LOT. I bought the white jacket thinking it’s a light color, but according to her it doesn’t work well on TV. So, this was 3 days before the interview, and I was back to square one. Luckily, I remembered a Chinese shirt that I bought many years ago. It’s turquoise and pink and printed with lotus flowers. So it’s the same color scheme as the cover of my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul, which is the subject of my interview. Then I prepared the other two alternative outfits, one in turquoise and white, the other indigo and white. It sounds silly, but it seems harder getting the outfits and shoes ready, than the interview itself.

Speaking of interview, just a few days before my trip to Florida, I was interviewed by Dr. Christiane Northrup on her show Flourish! on Hay House Radio. It was a wonderful interview about how to move from over-care and burnout to Intensive Self-Care. We shared stories and tips and had a good laugh! We also chatted about what it’s like for me to grow up as a girl in a culture & family that strongly favors sons over daughters. I’ve had to overcome quite a few external AND internal barriers to get to where I am today. If you are a Hay House member, you can access the archives of the show. By the way, if you have not read my story, you can read about it here.

As I got on the plane en route Florida, I noticed, for the first time, that the straps of my handbag were frayed. In fact, one of them was so frayed that you could see the fabric inside. This is a handbag that I’ve been carrying every day for months. I love the design details. It’s beautiful, classy and functional. And it goes with everything – yes, you guessed it, it’s black, of course. I do have many handbags, but I usually don’t bother to change handbags with different outfits, unless it’s a very special occasion.

So, I’m sitting on the plane staring at the frayed straps of my beloved handbag, a little worried that it might not survive this all-important trip. Then, I chuckled as the metaphor dawned on me.

Most of us are juggling so many roles and responsibilities, day in and day out. Just like my handbag, we are working overtime, often without realizing how “frayed” we have become. I’m no exception.

As I looked back, I had a couple busy weeks leading up to this trip. For example, a few weeks ago, I was training intensely with my children to compete in a Chinese Wushu tournament, which took a lot of time and energy. Earlier this month I launched a Mindful Wellness life coaching program at the Sparta Cancer Center, helping cancer patients, survivors, caregivers and staff reduce stress and create more inner peace and balance. It’s a very exciting new program that uses mind body interventions as well as life coaching to help cancer patients and caregivers to not only cope with cancer, but also thrive beyond survivorship. My intention is to give them the tools and confidence to not just survive, but thrive after their cancer treatments. There IS life beyond cancer, and I feel so privileged to be able to help them bridge that transition.

Two days before my trip, I was invited to meet with the coordinator of Survivorhip Initiative at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital. That was a 3-hour drive into NYC, which provided me a great opportunity to practice various stress-relief techniques. ☺ My favorite methods for relieving stress in a traffic jam: music, Young Living therapeutic-grade essential oils (such as Peace & Calming, Tranquil, Joy), and EFT. The meeting went very well, and I’m hopeful that something great will come out of this to benefit more cancer patients and caregivers on a larger scale.

I’ve put in many extra hours preparing for these programs, meetings, tournament and interviews. I’ve stayed up until wee hours on some nights. Now that I had a chance to sit and reflect, I realized how tired I was.

Yup, it could happen to ANYONE. Stress and burnout can totally sneak up on us. If you are like most people, I bet you have experienced this too! You might be working overtime for your work or family without realizing how worn out you have become. Next thing you know, you have a physical or emotional breakdown. If you have come down with a bad cold right after (or before) a big deadline, you know what I’m talking about! It’s your body’s way to tell you that you need a break.

So, how do you prevent burnout? You need to be mindful of your physical, mental and emotional state. Check in with yourself often. How are you feeling in your body? Are you tired, hungry, sleepy or aching? How are you feeling emotionally? Feeling sad, cranky, impatient, irritable or resentful are all signs of stress and fatigue. Are you so stressed you can’t think straight? Are you craving all the junk foods or surfing the net mindlessly?

When you detect multiple stress symptoms, give yourself permission to take a self-care break. The thing with stress is, if you can catch it early, you can easily take a short break and bounce back. If you let it go for a long time, it will become more difficult for you to recover and you will have to deal with other complications caused by stress. Chronic stress is linked to higher risks of all major diseases, so the consequences could be devastating for you and your family. You will do yourself and your loved ones a big favor, by giving yourself a break when you need it.

As for me, after checking in the hotel, I went straight to the beach, which was only 10 minutes away (lucky me). The fresh air, sun and ocean relaxed and recharged me. The next morning, I showed up at the TV studio with a little tan and a lot of happiness. My interview went very well and it ended a lot earlier than I thought. They had asked me to reserve the entire day for this, but now I found myself with hours and hours of free time! I’m not due to fly home until the next morning. I suppose I could use my free time to work. Some people might even change their flight to return to work early. Not me. Not after receiving the divine message through my handbag!! I had one of my BEST days ever!! I got to play with stunning exotic butterflies and adorable Lorikeets at Butterfly World, and spent the rest of the afternoon back at Ft. Lauderdale Beach… No schedule, no hurry, no worries, endless white waves, eternal blue sky, white puffy clouds, even the rainbow showed up briefly!! Ah, it was heavenly!! My perfect kind of “work-cation”!! ♥

Putting Myself Back in the Game

It was the New Jersey International Wushu Tournament. I was competing in the long fist forms division. All eyes were on me and the other competitor on the floor with me. Even though I only had 3 weeks of practice before the tournament, I was feeling great and doing well with my form.

Then my worst nightmare happened.

I remember glancing at the other competitor on the floor with me and noticed she had finished her form. We performed different forms, and hers was so much shorter than mine. I remember thinking to myself: “Wow, she is already done? I’m only half way through my form!” When you are competing in tournaments, martial arts or otherwise, it’s extremely important to stay 100% focused and not pay attention to other competitors. However, for a second or two, I was thinking about the other woman and took my focus off my own form. Before I knew it, it happened.

There I was, standing in the middle of the gym, all eyes on me, and I went BLANK. It was like an out-of-body experience. I couldn’t think. I dared not look around. I didn’t even remember the last move I did. My mind was blank except the scream in my head that grew louder and louder: “Oh my God!!! OH MY GOD!!!”

Years ago, I competed in state and regional tournaments, won many gold & silver medals, and this had never happened to me. Of course, I had always allowed at least 3 months to train for any tournaments, and had my form down completely. This time, however, I only had 3 weeks to prepare, and I didn’t even mean to compete in the first place!

Three months ago, my children started learning Wushu, one of many styles of Chinese Kung Fu. They both picked it up quickly, and seeing how much fun they were having, I decided to join them. Taking Wushu became one of our shared interests and fun time together. When the tournament was announced, I didn’t think my children had enough training and there was just not enough time to prepare. However, a few weeks later, when I heard a bunch of other kids from our school were going to compete, I re-considered and decided to sign them up. Since we only had 3 weeks left until the tournament, I decided to train with them. My intention was to learn the form so I could help them. Ironically, my children learned the form so quickly while I was struggling at the beginning to memorize the moves. The first training session, we were taught 45 moves, some of them brand new to us, and that’s only less than half of the entire form!! The Gremlin in my head was screaming “NO WAY! I can’t possibly learn ALL this!! I can’t do it!! Nobody can get ready for tournament in 3 weeks!! This is totally CRAZY!!”

On top of that, my body was screaming too!! Before learning Wushu, I had not trained or exercised much at all for more than a year. I kind of “let myself go” and my physical fitness and energy level really suffered. Even though I still looked thin, I was really out of shape compared to my old self. My body was hurting and I couldn’t breathe right. I felt defeated and sad that I’ve let myself go.

Every training session, my Gremlin continued to bombard me with “I CAN’T” messages. I had to keep telling him to shut up and keep telling myself I can do this!! It’s like a silent screaming match up there!! The Black Belt in me gradually woke up and I was determined to learn this form. I continued to struggle and train every day, and finally, my mind and body “clicked” and I learned the form. Finally I was able to do the entire form on my own and without running out of breath. My confidence grew when I realized that my form was not bad at all. As the tournament came up, the excitement drew me in. The day before the tournament, I decided to compete. I was feeling great on the tournament day, even though I still had a trace of doubt and fear that I might forget my form. I even visualized holding the medal in my hand.

It doesn’t matter now. I was totally STUCK!! It felt like I was stuck there for ETERNITY!! (Actually, when I watched the video afterward, that moment was less than 3 seconds, but it sure FELT like eternity when it happened.)

I had watched my children compete earlier and they both did very well, even though it was their very first martial arts tournament. They didn’t forget their forms at all. Now it was my turn, and I was the one forgetting! Am I going to cry like the other kids who also forgot their forms? How embarrassing!! How do I get myself out of this? I wish I could just disappear and erase everybody’s memory of watching my form, but that wasn’t one of my super powers.

After what felt like eternity, I somehow put myself back together and finished my form. SO glad it was over!! I cringed as the judges gave out the scores. It was not bad at all, despite my mistake. Whew!! What a relief!!

In the end, my daughter won a silver medal, and I got a gold. It was my daughter’s very first medal and she was overjoyed!! Both my daughter and son have worked very hard for this tournament and I’m SO proud of them!!

I’m very proud of myself too. Out of all my gold medals, this one is very special. Not only did I challenge myself and accomplished what seemed to be Mission Impossible, I proved to myself that I could still triumph after a HUGE mistake. The old me would have felt so embarrassed and ashamed that I would have been completely paralyzed. But the new me focused on “How do I get myself out of this?” My mind had to quickly switch to problem-solving mode and it got me unstuck.

In addition, the referee that was in charge of giving out medals made a mistake, and did not give my gold medal to me. The old me would have assumed that they were right and cost myself a gold medal. However, I decided to speak up and double-check. As it turned out, I was not the only one who almost missed my medal. Two other children in my school were supposed to win gold and silver medals! I’m so proud of myself for speaking up!!

The biggest lesson I have learned is that I must put myself in the game in order to win. If I had listened to my Gremlin, I would’ve believed that it was impossible for me to learn the form or get ready for the tournament in 3 weeks. I would have given up before the tournament and probably even talked my children out of it. If I didn’t believe in myself, I wouldn’t have decided to compete at all, and my chance of winning any medal would have been ZERO.

How about you? Do you stay in the game with full commitment and determination? Do you stick to the end, no matter what setbacks you encounter? Or do you let your Gremlin take you out of the game before it even starts?

More importantly, who do you need to be, in order to win the prize?

How I Got My 4-Day Birthday Celebration

This past week was amazing for me. First of all, Spring is officially here. The Earth is awakening and so am I. Big change is on the horizon. Can you feel that?

Second of all, Thursday was my birthday. It’s become sort of a tradition for me, to spend a day at a spa for my birthday. This year was no exception. I LOVE getting pampered, and spending time alone reflecting about my life in the Quiet Room.

I’m so grateful for all the friends, family and colleagues who sent me wonderful birthday wishes, by greeting cards, phone calls, emails and on Facebook. I appreciate YOU!!

This year I got a special 4-day birthday celebration, including the spa day. No, I didn’t plan for it to happen this way, and that’s why it was extra special. Curious? Let me tell you how it happened.

My coaches mastermind group planned to watch Dr. Wayne Dyer’s new movie “The Shift”, and they happened to pick the night before my birthday. The movie was amazing and my mastermind pals gave me a surprise birthday celebration too! My favorite spiritual teacher and girlfriends on the same night – what’s not to like?!! The birthday cake was just gravy (actually it was a yummy chocolate cake, but you know what I mean.)

On my actual birthday, I followed my “birthday tradition” of spending a day at the spa. I LOVE getting pampered, and spending some time alone reflecting about my life in the Quiet Room. This year I got an 8:30 AM appointment for massage, because that was the only time available with my favorite massage therapist on that day. If you know me, you know I’m not a morning person at all. I didn’t like the idea of having to get up early for a spa day, but, it was worth it. When I got there, I was the only person at the steam shower, and again at the Quiet Room. I got to savor my cappuccino and fresh fruits in complete silence. It’s as if I’ve got the ENTIRE spa to myself. Ah, it felt FABULOUS! By the time I finished my massage, the Quiet Room was no longer quiet, which made me appreciate my quiet moment even more.

The next day (Friday), my little sister came from NY to take me out for lunch. We haven’t seen each other for months! We’re both busy with our work and family (she has 3 kids and I have two). I know how busy she and her husband are, and her kids are involved with so many after-school activities. Even though this is the closest we’ve ever lived from each other, it just seems like it’s very difficult to find time to get our families together. Needless to say, I’m SO happy that she made a point to come out to celebrate my birthday with me!! We got a couple hours of sister time over lobster salad, wine and window shopping at the mall. As it turned out, her office in NYC is not that far from another mall in NJ, which is a perfect mid-point for us to meet. Why didn’t I think of that before? I’ve been so fixated on getting our two families together that I didn’t see the possibility of spending alone time with my sister. Now that our kids are a little older and we both have some flexibility in our work schedule, we could meet for lunch on weekdays. Getting our two families together will still take some advance planning, but the two of us will hopefully see each other more often. Yay for more sister time!!

I took my children out for dinner on my birthday, but my husband couldn’t join us. We were planning to have my birthday cake after he came home, but, the kids fell asleep before he did. Friday night my daughter was out with her friends, so we couldn’t have the cake either. To be honest, I was a little bummed. Then Saturday, my husband saved the day by suggesting that we check out a restaurant we’ve never been to, and have my birthday cake there. Finally I had an “official” birthday celebration with my family, and it was well worth the wait.

Now you know how I ended up with a 4-day birthday celebration. As I said, I didn’t plan for it to happen this way, but, everything happened better than I could have planned. I was again reminded that, when things don’t go “my way”, there might be a better plan for me. I also learned that sometimes it takes thinking out of the box to get what I want.

How do you celebrate your birthday? What do you do to nurture yourself on your birthday (and every day)? You know, I used to feel guilty for treating myself to a spa day, or anything just for ME. Now I’m older and wiser. Haha! But, seriously, if you feel guilty about nurturing yourself, perhaps you can look at Intensive Self-Care from a different perspective.

For me, as a business owner, a solopreneur, I know how important it is to take good care of myself. After all, my business will not exist without me. I treat my annual birthday spa day not as an unnecessary expense or selfish luxury. I treat it as an important business investment.

Even if you are not a business owner, your well-being is critical for your personal success and the well-being of your loved ones. And Intensive Self-Care is not just about taking care of yourself physically or pampering treatments. It includes nurturing yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Intensive Self-Care is not a luxury, or being selfish. It’s an essential practice for your long-term well-being and success. It’s like putting on your own oxygen mask FIRST, so you can take better care of others.

How can you look at self-care from a different perspective, so you can practice Intensive Self-Care without guilt? What self-care practices can you incorporate into your daily life? For more ideas, download your FREE Intensive Self-Care Kit.

Take good care of yourself, because you are irreplaceable!