What My Beloved Handbag Taught Me

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Are you feeling a bit frayed or about to snap?

A few days ago, I went on one of the most exciting trips in my professional life – I flew to Florida for my very first national TV appearance on Lifetime Television’s morning show The Balancing Act. I’ve been on several local TV shows, but this is my very first national TV appearance. Needless to say, I was so excited! It took me a long time to shop and decide which outfits to bring (they wanted me to bring 3 alternatives, and let’s not forget the shoes) and make the travel arrangements. The new jacket I bought, a beautiful white jacket with white beads and floral embroidery, was vetoed by the show’s production coordinator. She told me they prefer their guests not to wear any black or white or navy outfits. “It’s a morning show”, she stressed, “we want bright colors.” Well, if you know me, I wear black A LOT. I bought the white jacket thinking it’s a light color, but according to her it doesn’t work well on TV. So, this was 3 days before the interview, and I was back to square one. Luckily, I remembered a Chinese shirt that I bought many years ago. It’s turquoise and pink and printed with lotus flowers. So it’s the same color scheme as the cover of my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul, which is the subject of my interview. Then I prepared the other two alternative outfits, one in turquoise and white, the other indigo and white. It sounds silly, but it seems harder getting the outfits and shoes ready, than the interview itself.

Speaking of interview, just a few days before my trip to Florida, I was interviewed by Dr. Christiane Northrup on her show Flourish! on Hay House Radio. It was a wonderful interview about how to move from over-care and burnout to Intensive Self-Care. We shared stories and tips and had a good laugh! We also chatted about what it’s like for me to grow up as a girl in a culture & family that strongly favors sons over daughters. I’ve had to overcome quite a few external AND internal barriers to get to where I am today. If you are a Hay House member, you can access the archives of the show. By the way, if you have not read my story, you can read about it here.

As I got on the plane en route Florida, I noticed, for the first time, that the straps of my handbag were frayed. In fact, one of them was so frayed that you could see the fabric inside. This is a handbag that I’ve been carrying every day for months. I love the design details. It’s beautiful, classy and functional. And it goes with everything – yes, you guessed it, it’s black, of course. I do have many handbags, but I usually don’t bother to change handbags with different outfits, unless it’s a very special occasion.

So, I’m sitting on the plane staring at the frayed straps of my beloved handbag, a little worried that it might not survive this all-important trip. Then, I chuckled as the metaphor dawned on me.

Most of us are juggling so many roles and responsibilities, day in and day out. Just like my handbag, we are working overtime, often without realizing how “frayed” we have become. I’m no exception.

As I looked back, I had a couple busy weeks leading up to this trip. For example, a few weeks ago, I was training intensely with my children to compete in a Chinese Wushu tournament, which took a lot of time and energy. Earlier this month I launched a Mindful Wellness life coaching program at the Sparta Cancer Center, helping cancer patients, survivors, caregivers and staff reduce stress and create more inner peace and balance. It’s a very exciting new program that uses mind body interventions as well as life coaching to help cancer patients and caregivers to not only cope with cancer, but also thrive beyond survivorship. My intention is to give them the tools and confidence to not just survive, but thrive after their cancer treatments. There IS life beyond cancer, and I feel so privileged to be able to help them bridge that transition.

Two days before my trip, I was invited to meet with the coordinator of Survivorhip Initiative at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital. That was a 3-hour drive into NYC, which provided me a great opportunity to practice various stress-relief techniques. ☺ My favorite methods for relieving stress in a traffic jam: music, Young Living therapeutic-grade essential oils (such as Peace & Calming, Tranquil, Joy), and EFT. The meeting went very well, and I’m hopeful that something great will come out of this to benefit more cancer patients and caregivers on a larger scale.

I’ve put in many extra hours preparing for these programs, meetings, tournament and interviews. I’ve stayed up until wee hours on some nights. Now that I had a chance to sit and reflect, I realized how tired I was.

Yup, it could happen to ANYONE. Stress and burnout can totally sneak up on us. If you are like most people, I bet you have experienced this too! You might be working overtime for your work or family without realizing how worn out you have become. Next thing you know, you have a physical or emotional breakdown. If you have come down with a bad cold right after (or before) a big deadline, you know what I’m talking about! It’s your body’s way to tell you that you need a break.

So, how do you prevent burnout? You need to be mindful of your physical, mental and emotional state. Check in with yourself often. How are you feeling in your body? Are you tired, hungry, sleepy or aching? How are you feeling emotionally? Feeling sad, cranky, impatient, irritable or resentful are all signs of stress and fatigue. Are you so stressed you can’t think straight? Are you craving all the junk foods or surfing the net mindlessly?

When you detect multiple stress symptoms, give yourself permission to take a self-care break. The thing with stress is, if you can catch it early, you can easily take a short break and bounce back. If you let it go for a long time, it will become more difficult for you to recover and you will have to deal with other complications caused by stress. Chronic stress is linked to higher risks of all major diseases, so the consequences could be devastating for you and your family. You will do yourself and your loved ones a big favor, by giving yourself a break when you need it.

As for me, after checking in the hotel, I went straight to the beach, which was only 10 minutes away (lucky me). The fresh air, sun and ocean relaxed and recharged me. The next morning, I showed up at the TV studio with a little tan and a lot of happiness. My interview went very well and it ended a lot earlier than I thought. They had asked me to reserve the entire day for this, but now I found myself with hours and hours of free time! I’m not due to fly home until the next morning. I suppose I could use my free time to work. Some people might even change their flight to return to work early. Not me. Not after receiving the divine message through my handbag!! I had one of my BEST days ever!! I got to play with stunning exotic butterflies and adorable Lorikeets at Butterfly World, and spent the rest of the afternoon back at Ft. Lauderdale Beach… No schedule, no hurry, no worries, endless white waves, eternal blue sky, white puffy clouds, even the rainbow showed up briefly!! Ah, it was heavenly!! My perfect kind of “work-cation”!! ♥

Dr. Christiane Northrup to Interview Best-selling Author Hueina Su on Hay House Radio Show

Women’s health and wellness authority Christiane Northrup, M.D. will interview life coach and best-selling author Hueina Su on her Hay House radio show on Wednesday June 16, 2010 at 11:00 am EDT.  

DENVILLE, NJ – June 7, 2010 – Caring for others is among the most fulfilling activities one can engage in as a human. But for far too many, the line between caring and over-caring is crossed, leading to illness and burnout. Join Dr. Christiane Northrup and Hueina Su, an expert on intensive self-care, for a lively and crucial radio interview to help the nurturers stay healthy and whole.

Christiane Northrup, M.D. is a board-certified ob/gyn physician, a visionary pioneer, beloved authority in women’s health and wellness, and the author of the ground breaking New York Times bestsellers Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause.

On June 16, 2010 at 11:00 EDT, Dr. Northrup will interview the Nurturer’s Coach and best-selling author Hueina Su on her Hay House Radio Show Flourish! In her radio show, Dr. Northrup interviews a diverse lineup of extraordinary minds offering insights and inspiration for how to create vibrant, healthy, pleasurable lives instead of simply avoiding disease. The audience will hear it threaded together into the practicality, pleasure, and wellness.

“It’s such a great honor to be invited by Dr. Christiane Northrup on her radio show. I’m looking forward to chatting with her about the importance of intensive self care,” says Su. “Practicing intensive self-care is especially critical for moms, caregivers, healthcare professionals, businesswomen and other nurturers who take care of people. They tend to over-nurture and end up feeling stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted at the end of the day, have no time for themselves, and feel selfish or guilty taking care of themselves.”

Su is a keynote speaker, certified life coach and the author of the best-selling book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others.

To listen to the live broadcast, go to http://bit.ly/dxdmrA.

For more information about Su’s best-selling book and special bonus gifts, visit http://www.intensiveselfcarebook.com. This book is also available at Amazon.com.

About Hueina Su and Beyond Horizon Coaching

Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC, The Nurturer’s Coach^TM, is a renowned expert in helping people restore the missing peace and balance in their stressful lives.  Su is a professional keynote speaker, certified life coach, and the best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. She is on a mission to bring the message of self-love and intensive self-care to make a difference in the lives of more than one million women nurturers. 

Su is the founder and president of Beyond Horizon Coaching, a global coaching and training company, specializing in providing solutions for work-life balance, stress management, and Intensive Self-Care through personal coaching, executive coaching, teleseminars, keynote presentations, team-building training, and other wellness services. She is the creator of Rx for Balance^TM, The Coaching Oasis^TM, and Nurture and Grow Rich^TM programs. 

To sign up for free stress management video e-course and learn more about Su’s coaching, keynote speaking, training services and products visit http://www.HueinaSu.com.

Hueina Su’s full bio and additional photos http://www.HueinaSu.com/media-room.

She is available for interviews and can provide a list of tips and other articles. Call 973-664-0446 (O) or 201-572-3641 (Cell) or email Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com.

# # #

Contact Information:
Hueina Su
Beyond Horizon Coaching
Phone: 973-664-0446 (O), 201-572-3641 (Cell)
Email: Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com
Web: http://www.HueinaSu.com

Stop… in the Name of Love

I remember vividly the day I told my Mom that I was pregnant with my first child.  My Mom was overjoyed. This would be her very first grandchild and it meant the world to her. She congratulated me, and then she said something that stunned me. “Be prepared to give up at least 10 years of your life for this baby.” My first response was, “Sacrifice 10 Years?!! Um, how about me? How about my own life?”

Back then, I was approaching 30, loved my career, and had no intention of being a stay-at-home mom (although later on I did stay home for a few years and I would never trade anything for those years with my children). I know my Mom was simply telling her truth. That’s how she lives her life as a mother and wife. However, the concept of “sacrificing” ten or more years of my life was such a foreign idea to me that it shocked me, intellectually and emotionally. To me, this self-sacrifice parenting model sounds too “all or nothing.” Even as inexperienced as I was, I knew instinctively that it’s not good for my overall well-being. I remember thinking to myself, “Is this really the only way? Why can’t I have my baby, my career AND my life?”

If you know anything about Chinese culture, you know that “self-sacrifice” is highly admirable, even expected, especially for women. Men are also expected to self-sacrifice, but usually only for a higher cause, like family honor, the emperor, or their country. The bottom line is, most people avoid being perceived as selfish at all cost, and they put their own happiness and self-worth at the mercy of others.

After almost 20 years of living in the US, counseling and coaching countless people, I know that the Chinese are not the only group who think and behave in this way. The fact is, we are all more alike than different from each other.

Despite cultural differences, women are biologically hard-wired and socially conditioned to take care of everyone first, and often do so at the cost of their own well-being. Those who are moms are especially prone to self-sacrifice for their children and their spouse. It’s safe to say that most moms put their family as their top priority, and they are willing to let their own career take a backseat. It’s really a matter of personal value and choice. I never agree with the so-called mommy wars between stay-at-home moms and working moms. I’ve been a full-time working mom and a full-time stay-at-home mom myself, and I can honestly say that being a stay-at-home mom was one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had. I believe it’s extremely important for children’s best interest to have their parents physically and emotionally available for them. There is no substitute for undivided attention, quality time and unconditional love. How you achieve this depends on your unique circumstances and your wisdom.

It’s admirable for moms to put their family first. As moms, we all sacrifice something for our children and our family. When we sacrifice our time, sleep or our career out of pure love for our family, we do it willingly and joyfully. It’s a beautiful act of love. However, many women feel that putting their family first is a duty and obligation they cannot and dare not refuse. They feel extremely guilty and shameful to take time for themselves, honor their own needs, and pursue their dreams, especially if there is a conflict with their family’s needs or expectations. On one hand, they feel unhappy and resentful for such self-sacrifice; on the other hand, they feel strongly that they have no other choice.

Every day, I see bright, beautiful, talented women sacrifice their own well-being, aspiration, passion and their dreams in the name of love. It breaks my heart. For these women, giving up their own passion and dreams often leaves such a big hole in their heart and their souls that they feel sad, torn, trapped and lost. They gradually lose their self-confidence, identity, purpose, and their true self. It’s truly tragic.

I bet you know someone like that. Perhaps you are someone like that.

When you sacrifice your own well-being or dreams for your loved ones out of obligation, or fear of being judged or rejected, chances are, you end up feeling resentful. You might try to guilt trip your spouse or children to do what you want them to do, because, after all, you have sacrificed so much for them. When they do not oblige, you feel disappointed, frustrated, sad, angry, and even more resentful. Have your parents tried to guilt trip you? Did it work? How did it make you feel? If you have been forced to do something out of guilt, you probably felt resentful too.

Resentment is toxic for any relationship. Overtime, it will poison the very relationship you want to nurture, and you end up resenting the person you sacrifice yourself for. As Malachy McCourt wrote so poignantly, “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person would die.” Do you really want this poison in your family relationship?

Another thing to consider: Research has repeatedly shown that depression can be passed down from moms to their children. The alarming fact is, the cause is more than just genes. One clinical study I came across studied pairs of moms and their young children who are both depressed. They treated the moms first, and found that when a mom’s depression improved, her child improved too without treatment. That’s how powerful a mother’s behaviors and emotional well-being can affect her child!

I’d argue that moms who self-sacrifice are more prone to depression than moms who have a healthy self-image, self-confidence and live a fulfilling life. You might think you are sacrificing yourself for your children’s best interest, however, you might be unknowingly affecting their well-being. Please know that I brought this up because I care about you, not because I want to make you feel guilty or inadequate as a mom (no one can “make” you feel anything without your consent, by the way). I’ve suffered from depression before, and I know the dark abyss. If you suspect that you might be suffering from depression, please make sure that you seek professional help right away. It’s not just for your own sake, it’s for your children’s well-being as well.

Remember, your happiness counts too! Stop sacrificing your well-being in the name of love. Stop shoulding all over yourself. Stop using love as an excuse not to pursue your own dreams and live up to your highest potential. The highest level of Intensive Self-Care is self-actualization. The world needs you to express your gifts and talents, and fulfill your life purpose.

“The best inheritance you can leave your kids is an example of how to live a full and meaningful life,” wrote Dan Zadra. When you can give your children a happy and healthy mom, everybody wins. Your children are watching you and learning from your example. They need to learn how to honor their own needs, stand up for themselves, listen to their inner wisdom and pursue their dreams. What kind of example are you setting for your children? What legacy will you leave behind? That’s something worth pondering.

Action Challenge:

1. What makes you happy? What’s one thing you can do to nurture yourself this week? Give yourself permission to do that. Add it to your calendar now.

2. Read something that will inspire you and give you permission to practice Intensive Self-Care. My book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others is perfect for this. Download your sample chapters here, if you have not done so. Read the chapter “From Self-Sacrifice to Self-Love“.

3. What is the dream you have put on hold for your family? Dust it off, and tell someone about it, even if it sounds like an impossible dream to you right now. If you can’t even bring yourself to tell someone about it, tell it to yourself by writing it down. There is tremendous power in writing something down or telling someone about your goal. You are taking the first step toward making it happen.

Stress Management Expert Says Most Moms Suffer from Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome

Stress management expert and best-selling author Hueina Su says most moms suffer from Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome and offers advice for stressed-out moms.

DENVILLE, NJ — April 27, 2010 — “Moms who take care of everyone else except for themselves are prone to self-care deficiency syndrome,” says Hueina Su, a stress management expert and the best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others.

Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome is defined as a collection of symptoms people display when they do not receive sufficient self-care. Some of the classic signs and symptoms include physical ailments such as frequent headaches, digestive problems, insomnia, frequent colds and flu. Emotionally one may feel overwhelmed, anxious, irritable, resentful or depressed. This would negatively relationship, productivity, career and family life.

“Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome can happen to anyone who is in the role of caregiver. When you are pressed for time, self-care is probably the first thing you let go. You put everyone else’s needs before yours. Over time, you will suffer from Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome,” says Su. “Moms are particularly prone to Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome as they always put their family’s needs before theirs.”

Su offers the following tips to help moms overcome Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome.

1. Self-awareness. Most moms are taking on too much without realizing they are close to burnout. It’s critical for moms to be aware of their stress level and emotions, and listen to their body. When they are tired and stressed, they need to take a break, instead of pushing forward until they run themselves down.

2. Say ‘no’ and set good boundary. With so many competing priorities, responsibilities and endless to-do list, moms need to learn how to say no, delegate, and ask for help when they need to.

3. Give yourself permission to practice Intensive Self-Care. So many moms feel guilty or selfish when they take time for themselves. Instead, they need to give themselves permission to take good care of themselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Su’s best-selling book, Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul, offers in-depth discussion, tools and strategies for stress relief and self-care. “My lifelong journey as a caregiver inspires me to write Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul as an interactive guidebook,” Su says. “This book is written for all moms, caregivers, teachers, healthcare professionals, businesswomen and other nurturers who take care of people and feeling stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted at the end of the day, no time for themselves, feeling selfish or guilty taking care of themselves.”

Su emphasizes, “Intensive Self-Care is NOT being selfish and it’s NOT a luxury, but rather an essential practice for your survival and overall well-being.” She is on a mission to bring the message of self-love and intensive self-care to make a difference in the lives of more than one million women nurturers.

For more information about the book and special bonus gifts, visit www.intensiveselfcarebook.com. This book is also available at Amazon.com.

About Hueina Su and Beyond Horizon Coaching
Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC, The Nurturer’s CoachTM, is a renowned expert in helping people restore the missing peace and balance in their stressful lives. Su is a professional keynote speaker, certified life coach, and the best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. She is on a mission to bring the message of self-love and intensive self-care to make a difference in the lives of more than one million women nurturers.

Su is the founder and president of Beyond Horizon Coaching, a global coaching and training company, specializing in providing solutions for work-life balance, stress management, and Intensive Self-Care through personal coaching, executive coaching, teleseminars, keynote presentations, team-building training, and other wellness services. She is the creator of Rx for BalanceTM, The Coaching OasisTM, and Nurture and Grow RichTM programs.

To sign up for free stress management video e-course and learn more about Su’s coaching, keynote speaking, training services and products visit www.HueinaSu.com.

# # #

Note: Hueina Su’s full bio and additional photos www.HueinaSu.com/media-room.

She is available for interviews and can provide a list of tips and other articles. Call 973-664-0446 (O) or 201-572-3641 (Cell) or email Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com.

Contact Information:
Hueina Su
Beyond Horizon Coaching
Phone: 973-664-0446 (O), 201-572-3641 (Cell)
Email: Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com
Web: www.HueinaSu.com

Author Hueina Su Launches New Bestseller Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul

Author Hueina Su’s newly released book, Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, achieved bestseller status on April 22, 2010.

DENVILLE, NJ — April 26, 2010 — The Nurturer’s Coach Hueina Su is on a mission to bring the message of self-love and intensive self-care to make a difference in the lives of more than one million women nurturers. Su’s book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul achieved #1 bestseller status in two Amazon.com categories and #4 in another category on April 22, 2010.

“I’m very pleased that my book reached #1 on the bestseller list at Amazon.com. The success of my book launch helps me further my mission of bringing intensive self-care to one million nurturers,” says Su, President and Founder of Beyond Horizon Coaching based in Denville, New Jersey.  

“My lifelong journey as a caregiver inspires me to write Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul as an interactive guidebook,” Su says. “This book is written for all moms, caregivers, teachers, healthcare professionals, businesswomen and other nurturers who take care of people and feeling stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted at the end of the day, no time for themselves, feeling selfish or guilty taking care of themselves.”

Su emphasizes, “Intensive Self-Care is NOT being selfish and it’s NOT a luxury, but rather an essential practice for your survival and overall well-being.”

“This is a book that will touch the lives of all who read it, from mothers to adult children caring for an aging parent, to professional healthcare workers. This book is a must read for anyone who is stressed and overwhelmed in their caregiving roles,” Su adds.

By partnering with more than 90 top gurus, experts and mentors, Su’s book and message has reached more than 1.4 million nurturers worldwide. “I’m so grateful for the partners who believe in my vision and help me spread the message of intensive self-care,” Su says.

For more information about the book and special bonus gifts, visit http://www.intensiveselfcarebook.com. This book is also available at Amazon.com.

About Hueina Su and Beyond Horizon Coaching

Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC, The Nurturer’s Coach^TM, is a renowned expert in helping people restore the missing peace and balance in their stressful lives.  Su is a professional keynote speaker, certified life coach, and best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. She is the creator of Rx for Balance^TM, The Coaching Oasis^TM, and Nurture and Grow Rich^TM programs.

Su is the founder and president of Beyond Horizon Coaching, a global coaching and training company, specializing in providing solutions for work-life balance, stress management, and Intensive Self-Care through personal coaching, executive coaching, teleseminars, keynote presentations, team-building training, and other wellness services.

To sign up for free stress management video e-course and learn more about Su’s coaching, keynote speaking, training services and products visit http://www.HueinaSu.com.

# # #

Note: Hueina Su’s full bio and additional photos http://www.HueinaSu.com/media-room.

She is available for interviews and can provide a list of tips and other articles. Call 973-664-0446 (O) or 201-572-3641 (Cell) or email Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com.

Contact Information:

Hueina Su
Beyond Horizon Coaching
Phone: 973-664-0446 (O), 201-572-3641 (Cell)
Email: Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com
Web: www.HueinaSu.com

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