What My Beloved Handbag Taught Me
Are you feeling a bit frayed or about to snap?
A few days ago, I went on one of the most exciting trips in my professional life – I flew to Florida for my very first national TV appearance on Lifetime Television’s morning show The Balancing Act. I’ve been on several local TV shows, but this is my very first national TV appearance. Needless to say, I was so excited! It took me a long time to shop and decide which outfits to bring (they wanted me to bring 3 alternatives, and let’s not forget the shoes) and make the travel arrangements. The new jacket I bought, a beautiful white jacket with white beads and floral embroidery, was vetoed by the show’s production coordinator. She told me they prefer their guests not to wear any black or white or navy outfits. “It’s a morning show”, she stressed, “we want bright colors.” Well, if you know me, I wear black A LOT. I bought the white jacket thinking it’s a light color, but according to her it doesn’t work well on TV. So, this was 3 days before the interview, and I was back to square one. Luckily, I remembered a Chinese shirt that I bought many years ago. It’s turquoise and pink and printed with lotus flowers. So it’s the same color scheme as the cover of my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul, which is the subject of my interview. Then I prepared the other two alternative outfits, one in turquoise and white, the other indigo and white. It sounds silly, but it seems harder getting the outfits and shoes ready, than the interview itself.
Speaking of interview, just a few days before my trip to Florida, I was interviewed by Dr. Christiane Northrup on her show Flourish! on Hay House Radio. It was a wonderful interview about how to move from over-care and burnout to Intensive Self-Care. We shared stories and tips and had a good laugh! We also chatted about what it’s like for me to grow up as a girl in a culture & family that strongly favors sons over daughters. I’ve had to overcome quite a few external AND internal barriers to get to where I am today. If you are a Hay House member, you can access the archives of the show. By the way, if you have not read my story, you can read about it here.
As I got on the plane en route Florida, I noticed, for the first time, that the straps of my handbag were frayed. In fact, one of them was so frayed that you could see the fabric inside. This is a handbag that I’ve been carrying every day for months. I love the design details. It’s beautiful, classy and functional. And it goes with everything – yes, you guessed it, it’s black, of course. I do have many handbags, but I usually don’t bother to change handbags with different outfits, unless it’s a very special occasion.
So, I’m sitting on the plane staring at the frayed straps of my beloved handbag, a little worried that it might not survive this all-important trip. Then, I chuckled as the metaphor dawned on me.
Most of us are juggling so many roles and responsibilities, day in and day out. Just like my handbag, we are working overtime, often without realizing how “frayed” we have become. I’m no exception.
As I looked back, I had a couple busy weeks leading up to this trip. For example, a few weeks ago, I was training intensely with my children to compete in a Chinese Wushu tournament, which took a lot of time and energy. Earlier this month I launched a Mindful Wellness life coaching program at the Sparta Cancer Center, helping cancer patients, survivors, caregivers and staff reduce stress and create more inner peace and balance. It’s a very exciting new program that uses mind body interventions as well as life coaching to help cancer patients and caregivers to not only cope with cancer, but also thrive beyond survivorship. My intention is to give them the tools and confidence to not just survive, but thrive after their cancer treatments. There IS life beyond cancer, and I feel so privileged to be able to help them bridge that transition.
Two days before my trip, I was invited to meet with the coordinator of Survivorhip Initiative at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital. That was a 3-hour drive into NYC, which provided me a great opportunity to practice various stress-relief techniques. ☺ My favorite methods for relieving stress in a traffic jam: music, Young Living therapeutic-grade essential oils (such as Peace & Calming, Tranquil, Joy), and EFT. The meeting went very well, and I’m hopeful that something great will come out of this to benefit more cancer patients and caregivers on a larger scale.
I’ve put in many extra hours preparing for these programs, meetings, tournament and interviews. I’ve stayed up until wee hours on some nights. Now that I had a chance to sit and reflect, I realized how tired I was.
Yup, it could happen to ANYONE. Stress and burnout can totally sneak up on us. If you are like most people, I bet you have experienced this too! You might be working overtime for your work or family without realizing how worn out you have become. Next thing you know, you have a physical or emotional breakdown. If you have come down with a bad cold right after (or before) a big deadline, you know what I’m talking about! It’s your body’s way to tell you that you need a break.
So, how do you prevent burnout? You need to be mindful of your physical, mental and emotional state. Check in with yourself often. How are you feeling in your body? Are you tired, hungry, sleepy or aching? How are you feeling emotionally? Feeling sad, cranky, impatient, irritable or resentful are all signs of stress and fatigue. Are you so stressed you can’t think straight? Are you craving all the junk foods or surfing the net mindlessly?
When you detect multiple stress symptoms, give yourself permission to take a self-care break. The thing with stress is, if you can catch it early, you can easily take a short break and bounce back. If you let it go for a long time, it will become more difficult for you to recover and you will have to deal with other complications caused by stress. Chronic stress is linked to higher risks of all major diseases, so the consequences could be devastating for you and your family. You will do yourself and your loved ones a big favor, by giving yourself a break when you need it.
As for me, after checking in the hotel, I went straight to the beach, which was only 10 minutes away (lucky me). The fresh air, sun and ocean relaxed and recharged me. The next morning, I showed up at the TV studio with a little tan and a lot of happiness. My interview went very well and it ended a lot earlier than I thought. They had asked me to reserve the entire day for this, but now I found myself with hours and hours of free time! I’m not due to fly home until the next morning. I suppose I could use my free time to work. Some people might even change their flight to return to work early. Not me. Not after receiving the divine message through my handbag!! I had one of my BEST days ever!! I got to play with stunning exotic butterflies and adorable Lorikeets at Butterfly World, and spent the rest of the afternoon back at Ft. Lauderdale Beach… No schedule, no hurry, no worries, endless white waves, eternal blue sky, white puffy clouds, even the rainbow showed up briefly!! Ah, it was heavenly!! My perfect kind of “work-cation”!! ♥
Dr. Christiane Northrup to Interview Best-selling Author Hueina Su on Hay House Radio Show
Women’s health and wellness authority Christiane Northrup, M.D. will interview life coach and best-selling author Hueina Su on her Hay House radio show on Wednesday June 16, 2010 at 11:00 am EDT.
DENVILLE, NJ – June 7, 2010 – Caring for others is among the most fulfilling activities one can engage in as a human. But for far too many, the line between caring and over-caring is crossed, leading to illness and burnout. Join Dr. Christiane Northrup and Hueina Su, an expert on intensive self-care, for a lively and crucial radio interview to help the nurturers stay healthy and whole.
Christiane Northrup, M.D. is a board-certified ob/gyn physician, a visionary pioneer, beloved authority in women’s health and wellness, and the author of the ground breaking New York Times bestsellers Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause.
On June 16, 2010 at 11:00 EDT, Dr. Northrup will interview the Nurturer’s Coach and best-selling author Hueina Su on her Hay House Radio Show Flourish! In her radio show, Dr. Northrup interviews a diverse lineup of extraordinary minds offering insights and inspiration for how to create vibrant, healthy, pleasurable lives instead of simply avoiding disease. The audience will hear it threaded together into the practicality, pleasure, and wellness.
“It’s such a great honor to be invited by Dr. Christiane Northrup on her radio show. I’m looking forward to chatting with her about the importance of intensive self care,” says Su. “Practicing intensive self-care is especially critical for moms, caregivers, healthcare professionals, businesswomen and other nurturers who take care of people. They tend to over-nurture and end up feeling stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted at the end of the day, have no time for themselves, and feel selfish or guilty taking care of themselves.”
Su is a keynote speaker, certified life coach and the author of the best-selling book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others.
To listen to the live broadcast, go to http://bit.ly/dxdmrA.
For more information about Su’s best-selling book and special bonus gifts, visit http://www.intensiveselfcarebook.com. This book is also available at Amazon.com.
About Hueina Su and Beyond Horizon Coaching
Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC, The Nurturer’s CoachTM, is a renowned expert in helping people restore the missing peace and balance in their stressful lives. Su is a professional keynote speaker, certified life coach, and the best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. She is on a mission to bring the message of self-love and intensive self-care to make a difference in the lives of more than one million women nurturers.
Su is the founder and president of Beyond Horizon Coaching, a global coaching and training company, specializing in providing solutions for work-life balance, stress management, and Intensive Self-Care through personal coaching, executive coaching, teleseminars, keynote presentations, team-building training, and other wellness services. She is the creator of Rx for BalanceTM, The Coaching OasisTM, and Nurture and Grow RichTM programs.
To sign up for free stress management video e-course and learn more about Su’s coaching, keynote speaking, training services and products visit http://www.HueinaSu.com.
Hueina Su’s full bio and additional photos http://www.HueinaSu.com/media-room.
She is available for interviews and can provide a list of tips and other articles. Call 973-664-0446 (O) or 201-572-3641 (Cell) or email Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com.
# # #
Contact Information:
Hueina Su
Beyond Horizon Coaching
Phone: 973-664-0446 (O), 201-572-3641 (Cell)
Email: Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com
Web: http://www.HueinaSu.com
Stop… in the Name of Love
I remember vividly the day I told my Mom that I was pregnant with my first child. My Mom was overjoyed. This would be her very first grandchild and it meant the world to her. She congratulated me, and then she said something that stunned me. “Be prepared to give up at least 10 years of your life for this baby.” My first response was, “Sacrifice 10 Years?!! Um, how about me? How about my own life?”
Back then, I was approaching 30, loved my career, and had no intention of being a stay-at-home mom (although later on I did stay home for a few years and I would never trade anything for those years with my children). I know my Mom was simply telling her truth. That’s how she lives her life as a mother and wife. However, the concept of “sacrificing” ten or more years of my life was such a foreign idea to me that it shocked me, intellectually and emotionally. To me, this self-sacrifice parenting model sounds too “all or nothing.” Even as inexperienced as I was, I knew instinctively that it’s not good for my overall well-being. I remember thinking to myself, “Is this really the only way? Why can’t I have my baby, my career AND my life?”
If you know anything about Chinese culture, you know that “self-sacrifice” is highly admirable, even expected, especially for women. Men are also expected to self-sacrifice, but usually only for a higher cause, like family honor, the emperor, or their country. The bottom line is, most people avoid being perceived as selfish at all cost, and they put their own happiness and self-worth at the mercy of others.
After almost 20 years of living in the US, counseling and coaching countless people, I know that the Chinese are not the only group who think and behave in this way. The fact is, we are all more alike than different from each other.
Despite cultural differences, women are biologically hard-wired and socially conditioned to take care of everyone first, and often do so at the cost of their own well-being. Those who are moms are especially prone to self-sacrifice for their children and their spouse. It’s safe to say that most moms put their family as their top priority, and they are willing to let their own career take a backseat. It’s really a matter of personal value and choice. I never agree with the so-called mommy wars between stay-at-home moms and working moms. I’ve been a full-time working mom and a full-time stay-at-home mom myself, and I can honestly say that being a stay-at-home mom was one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had. I believe it’s extremely important for children’s best interest to have their parents physically and emotionally available for them. There is no substitute for undivided attention, quality time and unconditional love. How you achieve this depends on your unique circumstances and your wisdom.
It’s admirable for moms to put their family first. As moms, we all sacrifice something for our children and our family. When we sacrifice our time, sleep or our career out of pure love for our family, we do it willingly and joyfully. It’s a beautiful act of love. However, many women feel that putting their family first is a duty and obligation they cannot and dare not refuse. They feel extremely guilty and shameful to take time for themselves, honor their own needs, and pursue their dreams, especially if there is a conflict with their family’s needs or expectations. On one hand, they feel unhappy and resentful for such self-sacrifice; on the other hand, they feel strongly that they have no other choice.
Every day, I see bright, beautiful, talented women sacrifice their own well-being, aspiration, passion and their dreams in the name of love. It breaks my heart. For these women, giving up their own passion and dreams often leaves such a big hole in their heart and their souls that they feel sad, torn, trapped and lost. They gradually lose their self-confidence, identity, purpose, and their true self. It’s truly tragic.
I bet you know someone like that. Perhaps you are someone like that.
When you sacrifice your own well-being or dreams for your loved ones out of obligation, or fear of being judged or rejected, chances are, you end up feeling resentful. You might try to guilt trip your spouse or children to do what you want them to do, because, after all, you have sacrificed so much for them. When they do not oblige, you feel disappointed, frustrated, sad, angry, and even more resentful. Have your parents tried to guilt trip you? Did it work? How did it make you feel? If you have been forced to do something out of guilt, you probably felt resentful too.
Resentment is toxic for any relationship. Overtime, it will poison the very relationship you want to nurture, and you end up resenting the person you sacrifice yourself for. As Malachy McCourt wrote so poignantly, “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person would die.” Do you really want this poison in your family relationship?
Another thing to consider: Research has repeatedly shown that depression can be passed down from moms to their children. The alarming fact is, the cause is more than just genes. One clinical study I came across studied pairs of moms and their young children who are both depressed. They treated the moms first, and found that when a mom’s depression improved, her child improved too without treatment. That’s how powerful a mother’s behaviors and emotional well-being can affect her child!
I’d argue that moms who self-sacrifice are more prone to depression than moms who have a healthy self-image, self-confidence and live a fulfilling life. You might think you are sacrificing yourself for your children’s best interest, however, you might be unknowingly affecting their well-being. Please know that I brought this up because I care about you, not because I want to make you feel guilty or inadequate as a mom (no one can “make” you feel anything without your consent, by the way). I’ve suffered from depression before, and I know the dark abyss. If you suspect that you might be suffering from depression, please make sure that you seek professional help right away. It’s not just for your own sake, it’s for your children’s well-being as well.
Remember, your happiness counts too! Stop sacrificing your well-being in the name of love. Stop shoulding all over yourself. Stop using love as an excuse not to pursue your own dreams and live up to your highest potential. The highest level of Intensive Self-Care is self-actualization. The world needs you to express your gifts and talents, and fulfill your life purpose.
“The best inheritance you can leave your kids is an example of how to live a full and meaningful life,” wrote Dan Zadra. When you can give your children a happy and healthy mom, everybody wins. Your children are watching you and learning from your example. They need to learn how to honor their own needs, stand up for themselves, listen to their inner wisdom and pursue their dreams. What kind of example are you setting for your children? What legacy will you leave behind? That’s something worth pondering.
Action Challenge:
1. What makes you happy? What’s one thing you can do to nurture yourself this week? Give yourself permission to do that. Add it to your calendar now.
2. Read something that will inspire you and give you permission to practice Intensive Self-Care. My book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others is perfect for this. Download your sample chapters here, if you have not done so. Read the chapter “From Self-Sacrifice to Self-Love“.
3. What is the dream you have put on hold for your family? Dust it off, and tell someone about it, even if it sounds like an impossible dream to you right now. If you can’t even bring yourself to tell someone about it, tell it to yourself by writing it down. There is tremendous power in writing something down or telling someone about your goal. You are taking the first step toward making it happen.
Stress Management Expert Says Most Moms Suffer from Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome
Stress management expert and best-selling author Hueina Su says most moms suffer from Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome and offers advice for stressed-out moms.
DENVILLE, NJ — April 27, 2010 — “Moms who take care of everyone else except for themselves are prone to self-care deficiency syndrome,” says Hueina Su, a stress management expert and the best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others.
Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome is defined as a collection of symptoms people display when they do not receive sufficient self-care. Some of the classic signs and symptoms include physical ailments such as frequent headaches, digestive problems, insomnia, frequent colds and flu. Emotionally one may feel overwhelmed, anxious, irritable, resentful or depressed. This would negatively relationship, productivity, career and family life.
“Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome can happen to anyone who is in the role of caregiver. When you are pressed for time, self-care is probably the first thing you let go. You put everyone else’s needs before yours. Over time, you will suffer from Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome,” says Su. “Moms are particularly prone to Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome as they always put their family’s needs before theirs.”
Su offers the following tips to help moms overcome Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome.
1. Self-awareness. Most moms are taking on too much without realizing they are close to burnout. It’s critical for moms to be aware of their stress level and emotions, and listen to their body. When they are tired and stressed, they need to take a break, instead of pushing forward until they run themselves down.
2. Say ‘no’ and set good boundary. With so many competing priorities, responsibilities and endless to-do list, moms need to learn how to say no, delegate, and ask for help when they need to.
3. Give yourself permission to practice Intensive Self-Care. So many moms feel guilty or selfish when they take time for themselves. Instead, they need to give themselves permission to take good care of themselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Su’s best-selling book, Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul, offers in-depth discussion, tools and strategies for stress relief and self-care. “My lifelong journey as a caregiver inspires me to write Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul as an interactive guidebook,” Su says. “This book is written for all moms, caregivers, teachers, healthcare professionals, businesswomen and other nurturers who take care of people and feeling stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted at the end of the day, no time for themselves, feeling selfish or guilty taking care of themselves.”
Su emphasizes, “Intensive Self-Care is NOT being selfish and it’s NOT a luxury, but rather an essential practice for your survival and overall well-being.” She is on a mission to bring the message of self-love and intensive self-care to make a difference in the lives of more than one million women nurturers.
For more information about the book and special bonus gifts, visit http://www.intensiveselfcarebook.com. This book is also available at Amazon.com.
About Hueina Su and Beyond Horizon Coaching
Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC, The Nurturer’s CoachTM, is a renowned expert in helping people restore the missing peace and balance in their stressful lives. Su is a professional keynote speaker, certified life coach, and the best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. She is on a mission to bring the message of self-love and intensive self-care to make a difference in the lives of more than one million women nurturers.
Su is the founder and president of Beyond Horizon Coaching, a global coaching and training company, specializing in providing solutions for work-life balance, stress management, and Intensive Self-Care through personal coaching, executive coaching, teleseminars, keynote presentations, team-building training, and other wellness services. She is the creator of Rx for BalanceTM, The Coaching OasisTM, and Nurture and Grow RichTM programs.
To sign up for free stress management video e-course and learn more about Su’s coaching, keynote speaking, training services and products visit http://www.HueinaSu.com.
# # #
Note: Hueina Su’s full bio and additional photos http://www.HueinaSu.com/media-room.
She is available for interviews and can provide a list of tips and other articles. Call 973-664-0446 (O) or 201-572-3641 (Cell) or email Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com.
Contact Information:
Hueina Su
Beyond Horizon Coaching
Phone: 973-664-0446 (O), 201-572-3641 (Cell)
Email: Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com
Web: www.HueinaSu.com
Author Hueina Su Launches New Bestseller Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul
Author Hueina Su’s newly released book, Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, achieved bestseller status on April 22, 2010.
DENVILLE, NJ — April 26, 2010 — The Nurturer’s Coach Hueina Su is on a mission to bring the message of self-love and intensive self-care to make a difference in the lives of more than one million women nurturers. Su’s book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul achieved #1 bestseller status in two Amazon.com categories and #4 in another category on April 22, 2010.
“I’m very pleased that my book reached #1 on the bestseller list at Amazon.com. The success of my book launch helps me further my mission of bringing intensive self-care to one million nurturers,” says Su, President and Founder of Beyond Horizon Coaching based in Denville, New Jersey.
“My lifelong journey as a caregiver inspires me to write Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul as an interactive guidebook,” Su says. “This book is written for all moms, caregivers, teachers, healthcare professionals, businesswomen and other nurturers who take care of people and feeling stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted at the end of the day, no time for themselves, feeling selfish or guilty taking care of themselves.”
Su emphasizes, “Intensive Self-Care is NOT being selfish and it’s NOT a luxury, but rather an essential practice for your survival and overall well-being.”
“This is a book that will touch the lives of all who read it, from mothers to adult children caring for an aging parent, to professional healthcare workers. This book is a must read for anyone who is stressed and overwhelmed in their caregiving roles,” Su adds.
By partnering with more than 90 top gurus, experts and mentors, Su’s book and message has reached more than 1.4 million nurturers worldwide. “I’m so grateful for the partners who believe in my vision and help me spread the message of intensive self-care,” Su says.
For more information about the book and special bonus gifts, visit http://www.intensiveselfcarebook.com. This book is also available at Amazon.com.
About Hueina Su and Beyond Horizon Coaching
Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC, The Nurturer’s CoachTM, is a renowned expert in helping people restore the missing peace and balance in their stressful lives. Su is a professional keynote speaker, certified life coach, and best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. She is the creator of Rx for BalanceTM, The Coaching OasisTM, and Nurture and Grow RichTM programs.
Su is the founder and president of Beyond Horizon Coaching, a global coaching and training company, specializing in providing solutions for work-life balance, stress management, and Intensive Self-Care through personal coaching, executive coaching, teleseminars, keynote presentations, team-building training, and other wellness services.
To sign up for free stress management video e-course and learn more about Su’s coaching, keynote speaking, training services and products visit http://www.HueinaSu.com.
# # #
Note: Hueina Su’s full bio and additional photos http://www.HueinaSu.com/media-room.
She is available for interviews and can provide a list of tips and other articles. Call 973-664-0446 (O) or 201-572-3641 (Cell) or email Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com.
Contact Information:
Hueina Su
Beyond Horizon Coaching
Phone: 973-664-0446 (O), 201-572-3641 (Cell)
Email: Hueina@BeyondHorizonCoaching.com
Web: www.HueinaSu.com
Today – Give Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul to someone you love & receive BONUS gifts!!!
Do you feel stressed, overwhelmed, running on empty & no time for you? Then you need to do this TODAY!!
Today is the day!! I’m officially launching my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others on Amazon.com on April 22. This is an interactive guidebook for moms, nurses, caregivers, teachers, and anyone who is taking care of others, and feeling stressed, overwhelmed, running on empty, with no time for themselves (more details about the book below).
I’m on a mission to bring my book and the message of Intensive Self-Care to one million women nurturers out there! Will you help me spread the word?
Please tell all your friends, colleagues, family, especially those who are moms, nurses, teachers, caregivers who are taking care of aging parents or special needs child, healers and anyone taking care of others. This book will help them reduce stress, create life balance, restore inner peace, and take better care of themselves (without feeling selfish or guilty).
When you buy this book TODAY April 22 on Amazon.com, you will receive dozens of BONUS gifts from 90+ leading gurus, experts & mentors. Check out all the details here:
http://www.IntensiveSelfCareBook.com
Our world is fast-paced and loaded with a tremendous volume of competing priorities and responsibilities. The need to center ourselves, catch our breath and release the stress is probably more crucial than ever. How are we to accomplish this when we are faced with the overwhelming need to make a difference in others? Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul is a definitely gentle loving breeze with a clear and strong message effortlessly delivered. When you read the ideas in this book, told in a wonderful story-telling style, it’s easy to reinforce the truth that has motivated this book: caretakers need to take care of themselves.
If you have ever felt stressed, overwhelmed, no time for you, running on empty, or feeling selfish & guilty about taking time for yourself, then this book is a must read for YOU!! This book will make a PERFECT Mother’s Day gift too!!
http://www.IntensiveSelfCareBook.com
A fourth generation medical professional, I was born a nurturer. Raised in a culture where self-sacrifice was not only expected but encouraged, I understood at a very young age that balance would be pivotal in realizing the depth of happiness I really desired for myself.
Through my 20+ years of experience in nursing, counseling, coaching, and being a mom of two, I experienced and observed the demands and stress of being responsible for someone else’s daily care, whether it’s caring for a normal family or caring for someone who is ill or disabled. I recognized that care-taking is as rewarding as it is exhausting, but far too often we sacrifice our own well-being and happiness because nobody ever showed us how to manage it all.
The consequences of neglecting your self-care could be detrimental, not only to your physical & emotional health, but also to your work, business bottom lines and your relationships. Chronic stress is linked to all major illnesses including heart attack, stroke, hypertension, diabetes and cancer.
It is time to take action and learn how to take good care of YOU, while you continue to take care of others! This book will show you how. It’s terrific, timely and pertinent to most of our lives — preventing and eliminating stress & burnout!
And, when you buy my book on Amazon.com on APRIL 22, you will receive dozens of bonus gifts from 90+ leading experts, such as Mark Victor Hansen (best-selling author of Chicken Soup for the Soul), Lisa Nichols (teacher in The Secret), Marci Shimoff (teacher in The Secret, and best-selling author of Happy for No Reason), Janet Attwood (The Passion Test), Joe Vitale (The Attractor Factor) and so many more!
http://www.IntensiveSelfCareBook.com
With amazing insights into all aspects of what it truly means to be both caretaker and nurturer, I shared in my book personal stories, practical tools and tips that are universal in their application and great for professional healthcare workers, therapists, social workers, teachers, family caregivers, moms, and anyone who is caring for others. The need for this information is far more urgent than most could ever realize.
Join me as I explores in depth caretaking concerns such as:
* Recognizing Self-Care Deficiency Syndrome and what to do about it
* How to resolve the feeling of overwhelm
* Finding joy and serenity in the present moment
* How to restore peace and calm when life is spinning out of control
* Creating life balance to avoid caregiver burnout
* How to clear out emotional clutter for lasting inner peace
* Finding peace in the face of death and grieving
* Detached involvement for caregivers
http://www.IntensiveSelfCareBook.com
This is more than a book! The self-coaching sessions following every section offer personalized action steps and build a solid foundation for a new understanding and level of caregiving. This is a book you’ll want to keep as a reference and go back to again and again.
While we all know it’s important to take care of ourselves, most of us don’t always practice what we believe to be true. We need help and we need it in a way that is easy for us to use. Just read one small but potent piece to know why you will remember the message in this book:
” Intensive Self-Care is NOT being selfish and it’s
NOT a luxury, but rather an essential practice
for your survival and overall well-being.”
I hope it resonates with your soul and brings you a sigh of relief. It is okay to re-prioritize and put yourself FIRST for a change.
This is a must read for anyone who is taking care of others and needs some tender loving care for themselves. Get this amazing book for yourself and anyone you care TODAY. It’s terrific, timely and pertinent to most of our lives — preventing and eliminating stress & burnout! And, remember, I will be there for you when the time comes!
http://www.IntensiveSelfCareBook.com
P.S. Don’t forget to buy Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul on APRIL 22. You will receive dozens of bonus gifts from 90+ leading experts.
http://www.IntensiveSelfCareBook.com
P.P.S. If you have ever felt stressed, overwhelmed, running on empty, no time for you, or feeling selfish & guilty about taking time for yourself, then this book is a must read for YOU!! This book will make a PERFECT Mother’s Day gift!!
http://www.IntensiveSelfCareBook.com
Fast Track to Calm: Tao of the Unhurried Way
(Adapted from the book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others by Hueina Su)
Does your life look like a race car running at cut-throat speed and, to your horror, the brakes are broken? Do you feel like you are perpetually in a hurry, even when you are not in a hurry to go anywhere? Do you feel like all the items on your to-do list are dancing around in your head, and you can’t seem to concentrate on any of them? Do you run around like a chicken without a head all day, and still feel like you will never “catch up”? Has it occurred to you that you have forgotten how to relax?
You are not alone.
Many of my coaching clients came to me, all frazzled and stressed, brimming with anxiety that they will never get it all done, or get it done the “right” way. They wanted to learn how to manage their stress, and create some balance in their lives, but they simply did not know how to relax. You’d be surprised how many people draw a complete blank, when I ask them what they do for fun, or what relaxes them. It’s so sad that they have become so disconnected from themselves. A client once told me that even when she was at the spa, she could not totally relax, because half way through her massage she was already thinking about what she had to get done after the spa.
Addicted to Speed
With so much to do, and so little time, how do you deal?
Many people told me they tried to become more efficient so they could squeeze in more tasks in a day. Some proudly told me that they thrive on stress under deadlines. Can you relate to this?
What you may not realize is that, you have been running on adrenaline. When we are under stress (either physical or emotional), it triggers the fight-or-flight response in our body, which is then flushed with adrenaline to help us deal with the “crisis” at hand. Adrenaline is like caffeine that pumps us up with extra energy and alertness. It’s referred to as adrenaline rush because it’s highly addictive. You feel so much more productive and on top of everything. However, just like how caffeine affects our body, once the adrenaline rush is over, you’d experience a “crash” afterward.
Some people try to stay in that “rush”, so they wouldn’t experience the “crash”. The problem is, when you are running on adrenaline, your body is filled with stress hormone cortisol. Research has repeatedly linked chronic stress and cortisol to increased risks of heart disease, hypertension, weight gain, sleep disorder, etc. In other words, unchecked chronic stress can wreck havoc on your health.
Haste Makes Waste
There is a Chinese saying that’s similar to “Haste makes waste”. The fastest way is not necessarily the best way to get you where you want to go. Sometimes, when you try to rush somewhere, you end up not arriving at all.
When people asked me how to reduce stress quickly, I’d tell them to take a deep breath and slow down. Sounds very counter-intuitive, but, the fastest way to restore inner peace is to slow down. Slow w-a-y down.
Here are some ideas to help you practice what I call Tao of the Unhurried Way.
Watch Your Breathing
Research shows that when you focus all of your attention on one thing, your heart rate slows down and blood pressure is lower too. The easiest way to achieve this is to observe your breathing. We tend to hold our breath or breathe shallowly when we are stressed. When you find yourself tensed or holding your breath, take a few deep breaths. Then breathe normally for a minute or two, while focusing your attention entirely on breathing in and out. Your mind would probably try to interrupt you with all kinds of ideas and thoughts. When you notice a thought, just observe it, without judging it, and let it go. Return to observe your breathing.
This is a basic relaxation technique and the beginner level of meditation. Sounds simple, but it’s not easy to do. We are so used to running and doing stuff all the time that most people have forgotten why we are called human “being”, not human “doing”. If you have difficulty focusing at the beginning, don’t worry. Start with 1-3 minutes, and work up to 30 minutes if you can.
Practice Mindfulness
Years ago, a friend introduced me to Jon Kabat-Zinn and Thich Nhat Hanh’s books on Mindfulness Meditation, and I fell in love with their work. Mindfulness is considered the heart of Buddhist meditation. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness is moment-to-moment, non-judgmental, awareness. It’s a tool to bridge the gap between doing and being, and bring us back to here-and-now.
Our mind is often on auto-pilot, and we are not fully “awake” at the present moment. You might be physically here, but your mind is completely somewhere else. Without mindfulness, we are not fully present in our own lives, and in our relationships with others.
To demonstrate mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn asked his stress-reduction program participants how they eat raisins. Most people eat them by the handful. I’m sure you do too. However, he asked the participants to eat one single raisin, and really experience the full flavor and texture of a raisin. I tried that, and it opened my eyes. Now when I need a reminder of mindfulness, I’d take a raisin, or a very small piece of dark chocolate, and eat it as slowly as I can.
You can practice mindfulness meditation anytime, anywhere, in everything you do. Whether you are eating, reading, washing dishes, walking the dog, or pumping irons at the gym, try focusing 100% of your attention on what you are doing. Then, everything you do would be a mindfulness meditation. Needless to say, if your goal is relaxation and inner peace, multi-tasking is not the way to go.
Stop Speed-Eating
Even if you are not interested in practicing mindfulness, you should really slow down when you eat. Eating on the run produces anxiety and stress, which interferes with digestion. Studies show that when people eat fast, they tend to over-eat. That’s because when you eat fast, your brain does not have enough time to register that you are already full, and that you should stop eating. As a result of stress (remember that cortisol contributes to weight gain) and over-eating, you’d end up gaining weight.
A recent WebMD article lists speed-eating as the No. 1 diet mistake (skipping meals is No. 2 on the list). Another study showed that when you sit down to eat a snack, you are less tempted to eat other snacks later on. It seems like when we are “eating on the go”, our brain often doesn’t register how full we are. Another reason to practice “mindful eating”, instead of “speed eating”.
So, try to sit down, and savor your food. If you don’t have time to sit down and relax at every meal, at least make a conscious effort to eat one meal in peace every day. Unplug the phone, TV, computer and your Blackberry. Be fully present and eat in peace.
Allow Enough Time
In our over-scheduled, always-rushing life style, we often under-estimate how much time each task takes, or over-estimate how much we can get done in the amount of time we have. As a result, you are always running late and stressed out. When you schedule your appointments, try to allow 1.5 times of your original estimated time. Also, allow enough travel time between appointments. That way, if you hit traffic, you won’t go crazy.
How about the transition between work and home? How often do you rush home and, without taking a break, jump right in to your “other job” at home? It’s important to allow yourself enough time and space to make that transition. Perhaps you can take a walk, visit a cafe or book store, or go to the gym, before heading home. I know someone who would drive around the block, or sit in the car on his own driveway for a few minutes, until he is ready to re-join the rest of the family. Believe me, you will feel much calmer when you walk in the door.
Clear the Way for Calm
In order to slow down and have enough time, you need to de-clutter your home and your schedule. An organized home gives you a sense of serenity and provides a safe haven for you to relax and recharge. On the other hand, to cut down tasks on your schedule, you need to say no and set good boundaries.
Take an honest look at your schedule and commitments. How many of those do you really enjoy? How many of those can be done by someone else? Do you take on more commitments because you want to, or because you think you should? Or, perhaps you take them on just because you don’t know how to say no? Protect your time like it’s the most valuable asset you have. Since we all have 24 hours a day, when you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. So choose carefully. What would you rather be doing?
Take Time for You
Last but not least, take time for you. Most people don’t realize they are over-extending themselves and heading toward burnout. The truth is, you might not realize it, unless you can slow down enough to see your reality. Some clients came to that realization during our coaching sessions, after examining their schedules, values and priorities. Some told me that everything they did was all related to their responsibilities at work and at home, and they have not done anything just for themselves. They almost forgot what they used to do just for fun.
If you can relate to this, it’s time for some Intensive Self-Care! Make a conscious choice to put self-care as a top priority. After all, if you don’t nurture yourself, you won’t have any more to give.
Schedule “Me Time” on a daily, or at least weekly, basis. Do something good for yourself every day. It could be something small, like buying yourself some fresh flowers, or spending half an hour reading, or taking a bubble bath. Or, it could be something big, like a spa day or girls night out. Do whatever pleases you. You deserve it.
Take time for you, and take the time to do what you enjoy. Savor every moment. Be fully present. Then you’ll be on the fast track to true peace and calm.
NOTE: This article is adapted from the book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others by Hueina Su. “Fast Track to Calm” is key #3 in the book.
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