Cosmic 2×4, Staying Strong and Vulnerability

Cheryl Richardson gratitude for the cosmic rug-pulling

I love this quote from Cheryl Richardson: “There will come a day when you look back in gratitude for the cosmic rug-pulling that brought you here.” Yes, the gratitude will come, eventually, when we have learned the lesson and found the blessings in disguise. However, when something (or multiple things) causes you to lose your footing by surprise — whether it’s a slight stumble, or what feels like a free fall down the Grand Canyon — it’s hard not to get triggered while it’s happening.

Depending on your “default stress response”, you might react with anxiety, worry, anger, resentment, guilt, blame, fear, or a full-out panic attack. You might also feel sad, helpless or hopeless. I’ve been there many times myself, and even recently, I experienced a few minor “cosmic rug-pulling” that sent me into a little tailspin (yup, it happens to the best of us).

Being an introvert, when I feel stressed and overwhelmed, I tend to withdraw from social interactions. I was also brought up and taught to NEVER air your dirty laundry, show your weakness, or burden others with your problems. My parents are always very anxious and fearful that if we share something personal or show any weakness, some unsavory people will try to judge or harm us. So, I usually try to be strong and suffer alone. Can you relate?

Back to my recent cosmic 2×4 experience… It started with a car accident a few weeks ago. My husband and I were rear-ended on I-95. Thankfully, we walked away with minor injuries, but his car was totaled. We had to deal with getting treatments, replacing his car and all the tedious back-and-forth with the insurance companies. Then a few other “cosmic rug-pulling” happened, that got me so anxious, worried, fearful and overwhelmed, that I withdrew from FB and all social circles. At the time, I felt very overwhelmed, and social media felt like another thing “to do” that would add to my overwhelm. So I just stopped posting altogether.

After a week or two of silence, some of my FB friends started to send me private messages or post to my timeline, wondering what’s going on with me.

Well, this time, I did something different. I realized that it’s not very self-loving to deny myself the love and support that could help me. It’s also not fair to assume that my friends would see me as needy or a burden or wouldn’t care or support me. I was tired of suffering alone, and decided it’s time for me to ask for support. 

So, I posted this update to FB:

“Hello friends, I’m back! Sorry I’ve been MIA for a bit and got some of you worried. Thanks so much for checking in on me (you know who you are and I so appreciate you)! ♥  I’ve been dealing with some stuff. There were some more-than-usual highs and lows in the last few weeks, since the car accident Carey and I had on Easter Sunday. Some joyful celebrations, mixed with surprises of both good and bad kinds, and a WHOLE host of very strong emotions. I’ve been dealing with it privately with my family and just a few friends. All is well in the grand scheme of things. I was just feeling overwhelmed and social media seemed another thing “to do” that would add to my overwhelm, so I withdrew… This has been my M.O. however — I withdraw from social interactions when I feel stressed and overwhelmed. I was brought up and taught to NEVER air your dirty laundry or show your weakness in public, or worse, burden others. However, by doing so, I also cut myself off from the support I could’ve received from my friends. I now realize this is not helping me. It’s not very self-loving to deny myself the love and support that could help me. It’s also not fair to assume that my friends would see me as needy or a burden or wouldn’t care or support me.

I need to learn to be okay to feel vulnerable and ask for help. I’m far from perfect, and I don’t have it all together — and I’ll stop pretending that I do. I’ll update what’s going on later. There are some happy news for sure (including new butterflies!) and some challenges I’m still dealing with. For now, I’m asking you, my friends, to send some love, light and hugs, please. Thank you!!! ♥ “

I admit, I was anxious about posting this update, showing so much vulnerability. What would people think? Would they think that I’m weak and needy? How can I be stressed and overwhelmed? I’m a stress management expert, for God’s sake. Would they think that I’m not good at what I do? These thoughts are not self-loving, of course. I quickly released them and replaced them with EXTRA dosage of self-compassion. 

Breathe, Hueina, breathe.

Within minutes of posting this, I received kind words, love, light, hugs, prayers from SO many friends, both online and offline. And they kept coming in the following days. The outpouring of love and support warmed my heart and lifted my spirit.

But, what really moved me was the comments about vulnerability and being strong. Some thanked me for the courage and role-modeling to be authentic and vulnerable. Some offered assuring words that nobody has it all together and I’m not alone. Interestingly, quite a few people told me that I’m a very strong person, but it’s okay to be vulnerable too.

It does take a lot of courage to be authentic and vulnerable. The truth is, my friends have ALWAYS been very supportive. But, the fear of judgment and rejection is still paralyzing sometimes. However, putting on a brave face and pretending to be strong while I’m feeling the opposite, does not make me strong. It only cuts me off from the love and support that could really help me.

In my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul, I wrote about the importance of connection and asking for support in Key #7: Dare to Connect. Asking for help and support when you need is NOT being selfish or needy. It is an act of self-love. How can you receive any support if you pretend that you don’t even need it? How would people know you need help, if you don’t ask for it?

It’s a simple truth, isn’t it? Yet, so many of us still have a tough time asking for help. For me, it’s the fear of judgment and rejection. You might have a different reason why you don’t want to ask for help. We all have different upbringing and limiting beliefs that could prevent us from asking for support. The obstacle and the solution, I believe, are one and the same — the willingness to be vulnerable. 

This is a huge lesson for me, and I’m grateful for the cosmic 2×4 that created this learning opportunity. What I learned from my experience is that it takes a strong person to be authentic, to show vulnerability and ask for help. Nobody has it all together. Nobody is perfect. When we share ourselves authentically, we also strengthen our relationships with those around us. More often than not, when we do ask for help, there are many people who are willing and ready to lend a helping hand. Don’t assume that your friends would see you as needy or a burden, or wouldn’t care or support you. Please know that you deserve the love and support. All you need to do is ASK, and be open to RECEIVE.

And if I can support you through coaching, please do not hesitate to contact me and set up a discovery session. I am here for you. Sending you much love and light.

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Intensive Self-Care: Allow Yourself to Rest Without Guilt

Self-Love Allow Yourself to Rest Without Guilt

After the car accident earlier this month, I’ve been taking extra time to rest, so that my body can heal and recover. Coincidentally, during a group coaching call the other day, the topic of rest and self-care came up. Several members in our group (all high-achieving woman entrepreneurs) have asked for support and guidance on getting more rest and self-care time for themselves. Some of us have a tough time setting boundaries around work. You know, when you are a high achiever working for yourself, it’s very tempting to work ALL the time. However, if you don’t have adequate rest and self-care, your health and your business simply won’t survive. Other people have a hard time unplugging from Internet and social media (myself included). It becomes a distraction and time suck that interfere with both work and family/personal time.

Apparently, taking time for rest and self-care is a common challenge among high achievers.

It’s no surprise to me. Self-Care Deficiency is a hidden epidemic among moms, caregivers, healthcare professionals, small business owners and other high-achievers, as I discussed in my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. So many women have a hard time ALLOWING themselves to rest — out of guilt, unworthiness, or because they are so wound up (mentally, physically, emotionally, or all of the above) that they simply cannot relax and rest . Can you relate?

I used to feel very guilty for sleeping in, especially when my kids were younger, and when it’s bright & sunny outside (that was an old programming from my childhood about not being lazy & wasting time). I often “override” my body’s signals with my strong will and my drive to achieve. The old programming that says if you rest & sleep in, it means you’re not a good mother or not working hard enough, used to bring up SO much guilt in me. I’d beat myself over and over.

Nowadays? NO GUILT. I honor and allow my body to rest when it needs to. The work will get done with more grace & ease, when I’m fully recharged.

How about you? Do you listen to your own body, and ALLOW yourself to rest without guilt? What old messages & beliefs get stirred up when you try to rest or do something nice for yourself?

Allowing yourself to rest is not being selfish or lazy. It’s an act of self-love. I love what my coach suggested — be “an overachiever for rest”. Let’s channel our overachieving energy into Intensive Self-Care. Let’s try it for a week, OK? Are you up for the challenge? :)

Tell me: What would you commit to do (or NOT do) today, in order to take better care of YOU? Please comment below and let me know. I’d love to hear from you.

If you need support in creating a self-care practice and more time for YOU (minus the guilt), I invite you to book a complimentary 30-min consultation with me via phone or Skype, and we will explore how coaching with me can help you. You can schedule your appointment here

Take good care of yourself, because you are irreplaceable.

P.S. My book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul is a PERFECT Mother’s Day gift — for yourself and/or for someone you really care about. You can order here.

 

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Feeling Overwhelmed? You Need to STOP, DROP & ROLL!

Overwhelmed businesswoman

Do you feel anxious, stressed and overwhelmed? Are you exhausted at the end of the day?

If so, you’re not alone. In fact, most of my clients felt that way when they first came to me for coaching.

Grace started coaching with me a few years ago. She is a dentist with two thriving dental offices, a mom of two adorable children below age six, a devoted Sunday school teacher and a loving wife. As you can imagine, it’s no small feat for her to manage her business, family life and balance everything. Before coaching with me, she often felt stressed when her life throws her a curve ball.

One time when she called me, she was overwhelmed by the constant bickering of her staff. “It’s like I’m always trying to put out fires!” She said with a sigh, “Sometimes I feel like I’m on fire too!” I jokingly replied, “If you are on fire, perhaps you should stop, drop and roll.” And we both laughed.

That got me thinking. When my clients feel overwhelmed and stressed, their survival instinct is to try to “put out the fire” by frantically working harder and faster, hoping to cross off more items from their ever-growing to-do list. They bury themselves in the tasks, forego “non-essential” activity such as self-care and leisure time with friends and family… until they either successfully resolve the crisis, or run themselves down. If you have ever come down with a nasty flu or other illnesses after completing a major project, you know what I’m talking about.

So, what can you do instead? I suggest that you try my STOP, DROP and ROLL approach.

STOP
When you are stressed and overwhelmed, stop, and take stock of the situation. Assess your stress level and acknowledge your feelings of overwhelm. This is important, since suppressed emotions don’t go away. They only get buried in your body and will show up someday as a physical dis-ease.

Identify the source of your stress. Is it from external circumstances (such as job, relationship, finance, illness), or internal sources (such as unrealistic expectations or perfectionism)? Evaluate your situation carefully. What are the things you can control? What’s out of your control? What are you willing to let go and release in order to have peace?

Take a few minutes to breathe deeply and center yourself. This is a perfect time to take a break for Intensive Self-Care. Do something to pamper your body, mind and spirit.

DROP
Now that you are calm, take a look at your to-do list. Use The 3-D Principle (Do it, Delegate it, Dump it) to assess each and every task on your list. Dump whatever is not aligned with your long-term goals and core values. Delegate the ones that can be done by others, and only perform the tasks that are aligned with your goals, core values, or can only be done by you.

ROLL
Now that you have pared down your to-do list, let’s roll out an action plan to get things done! I suggest you break down each task on your to-do list to the smallest action step possible. This will give you a flowchart of action steps and a more accurate estimate of time needed to complete each task. Once you have all the action steps determined and know how much time you need, plug them into your calendar.

Occasionally, things don’t go as planned. In order to achieve your goal without stressing yourself out, you need to be willing to roll with the punches. Be flexible about how things get done. When you are totally open and detached from the outcome, sometimes things work out in a way that you would never have imagined.

P.S. “Stop, Drop & Roll Out of Overwhelm” is key #1 in Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others written by Hueina Su. This article is adapted from the book. You can order the book here or on Amazon.

P.P.S. Watch Hueina talk about this STOP, DROP & ROLL concept during her keynote speech at an international medical conference in Asia.

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Are You Black And Blue from Beating Yourself Up?

Not Good Enough

If you’re on any social media, you might recall that back in February, #TheDress became arguably the most viral story in the history of viral Internet stories. It was a picture of a dress that in some lighting looked black and blue, and in other times appeared to be white and gold. The silly debates and viral meme aside, one good thing came out of it… The Salvation Army in South Africa used the viral sensation to create an ad campaign for domestic violence awareness. One in six women are victims of abuse, according to Salvation Army’s tweet. The ad copy reads “Why is it so hard to see black and blue? The only illusion is if you think it was her choice.”

Salvation Army Black and Blue Ad 599x229
Domestic violence is an important and serious issue. However, I’d argue that there’s another kind of violence against women (and men too) that is just as serious but often overlooked. What I’m referring to is violence against ourselves. 

As you know, oftentimes we are our own biggest critic and worst enemy. As high achievers, we tend to be so hard on ourselves. Do you beat yourself up? A little? A lot? All the time?

Are you honoring your own core values and priorities? Are you honoring your SELF? Are you treating yourself and your loved ones with love, respect, compassion, and tender loving care?

OR… Are you often “black and blue” from beating yourself up? How often do you deny yourself your own heart’s desires and the TLC you deserve?

Maybe you have incredibly high (or unrealistic) standards and expectations for yourself, and nothing you do is ever good enough. Maybe you keep picking on yourself about your “not-enoughness” such as “I’m not good enough, thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough or (fill in the blank) enough”, “I didn’t try hard enough”, “I didn’t give/care/help enough”, “I’m not a good enough mom/wife/daughter”, etc. You get the idea.

Maybe you keep beating yourself up for what you have or have not done in the past. Maybe you keep telling yourself that you’ll never achieve your goal, find your soul mate, realize your dreams, because there’s something fundamentally wrong with you and you don’t deserve the good things in life.

Perhaps every time you look in the mirror, all you can see is all the flaws and imperfections on your face and body. Instead of appreciating your own unique beauty, and what your body has done for you, all you can think of is more reasons to put yourself down or beat yourself up.

Tell me: Can you see the black and blue from all this beating you’ve done on yourself?

Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was WAY off base. Words — whether spoken words, written words, or words in your head — DO hurt, and the injuries they inflict are often more serious and long-lasting than those caused by sticks and stones. 

Last weekend, my husband and I got into a car accident, and I was rushed to ER. Fortunately, no bones were broken, but I suffered soft tissue injuries to my neck and back. Those injuries don’t show up on the X-ray, and they are not visible to the naked eye, but, it doesn’t mean that they are not there or not serious.

By the same token, the kind of violence and injuries we inflict on ourselves with our words and thoughts are not visible, but, the traumas are usually deep and long-lasting.

If you make a point to pay attention to what you say to yourself throughout the day, you might feel surprised, shocked and/or really sad. Seriously, some of the words we say to ourselves, we probably would NEVER say to anyone else, because they are so unkind, mean or downright abusive. Only bullies would say those things to their victims!

So, if you are black and blue from beating yourself up, what can you do? There are many ways to cultivate self-love, self-compassion and self-acceptance. Here are 3 ideas for you to try:

1. Set up self-love reminders. To change your perpetual habit of criticizing and judging yourself, and cultivate the new habit of loving and accepting yourself, you need a LOT of practice and reminders. You can post affirmations and reminders such as “I love and accept myself completely”, “I am whole and complete just the way I am”, “Be kind to yourself” all over your house and/or office. If you use a smart phone, you can set these up as reminders to show up on your phone every day at a certain time (or multiple times a day). Or, use them as your computer’s screen saver.

2. Pay attention to your self-talk. Every time you catch yourself saying critical words to yourself, STOP, and replace those critical words/thoughts with loving, compassionate words toward yourself.

3. Talk to your Inner Child. If you make a mistake or fail to meet your own (or someone else’s) expectations, instead of beating yourself up, immediately tell yourself, “It’s okay. I still love you. I will always love you, no matter what.” It’s even more effective if you imagine you are saying this to your Inner Child and comforting her, telling her that you will always love her, accept her and protect her, no matter what. You can visualize your younger self and imagine you are speaking to her and giving her a hug. I have one of my favorite childhood pictures as my iPhone’s screen saver. So, I always have a visual reference of my Inner Child, and a constant reminder to be kind to her. Alternatively, you can stand in front of a mirror, look into your own eyes while you say these words to yourself with as much love as possible. At first you might feel very awkward. That’s normal. With practice, it will get easier to look at yourself with love and compassion, and you WILL feel a difference.

ADVANCED TIP: Instead of trying to silence your Inner Critic or Inner Bully (which doesn’t work very well, as you’ve probably found out by yourself), there is a process to coach your Inner Critic and transform her/him into your ally. This is something we can work on during our coaching sessions. I can guide you through this process.

Louise Hay self-love quote stop criticizing yourself start approving of yourself
Louise Hay said, “You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.

Are you willing to give it a try? Is this the year you FINALLY put your health and Intensive Self-Care on top of your list, and learn to LOVE and ACCEPT yourself no matter what?

If you are READY and WILLING to make some positive changes in your life, in your self-care, and in cultivating self-love & self-compassion, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me by phone or Skype, and let’s explore how coaching with me can be the right support for YOU.

 

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Is Your Perfectionism Keeping You Stuck?

If you are a high-achiever, you always aim for excellence and achievement. You don’t mind working extra hard, going the extra mile in order to achieve your goals. However, in the name of pursuing excellence, it’s very common for high-achievers to fall prey to perfectionism. There’s a fine line between being excellent and being perfect. The desire to be excellent motivates you to move forward and be the best you can be. On the flip side, the need to be perfect fills you with anxiety and self-doubt, runs you ragged and keeps you stuck.

Your Inner Perfectionist may sound like this:

  • I have to be perfect OR ELSE!
  • If I’m not perfect, I’m a complete failure.
  • People are waiting for me to fail and they will laugh at me.
  • I’m not trying hard enough, otherwise I would’ve been perfect.
  • Why can’t I pull it off like “everybody else”? What’s wrong with me?
  • If I’m not perfect, nobody will love me.
  • I can’t afford to make any mistakes.
  • I have to be the best in everything I do.
  • I’m so afraid of making the wrong choices or wrong moves that I’ve lost confidence in myself.
  • If I can’t make it perfect (or, If I’m not sure I can succeed), why do I even bother getting started?
  • If I don’t finish it, I won’t have to find out how imperfect (what a loser) I am.

Does it sound familiar? How does reading these statements make you FEEL – physically and emotionally? Do you tend to set impossibly high standards for yourself (and others) and beat yourself up over and over for not reaching your goals? If you feel anxious, frustrated, stuck in analysis paralysis, chest tightening, hyperventilating, paralyzed by fear of failure, with an extra dose of self-doubt or even self-loathing, you are probably a perfectionist. And the higher your aspirations are, the more severely affected you would be by perfectionism. The more successful you are, the more problematic perfectionism would manifest in your life, your health, your relationships and career/business.

Be honest: Is your Inner Perfectionist running you ragged these days? I know, because I’ve been there myself.

Last week I was invited by my Taiwanese sister Andrea J. Lee to speak via video at her 2012 The Wealthy Thought Leader event. Andrea asked me to share my experience in The Keeper of the Keys movie (which I costar with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff), and offer advice for attendees who are considering a movie project like this in the future.

If you are in the coaching & personal development industry, you’d know it’s a great honor to be included in Andrea’s Wealthy Thought Leader event. Andrea is known for teaching thought leaders on how to stay ahead of the curve, make money AND meaning via innovation. Her annual Wealthy Thought Leader event (it’s her 4th this year) in Vancouver, B.C. always attracts high-caliber speakers and thought leaders from all over the world. So, imagine my joy and surprise when I got a message from Andrea inviting me to share my experience at her event. And since she asked for a video sharing, I don’t even have to worry about flying over there. I was so excited!

There’s only one caveat: I got Andrea’s email on Sunday night, asking me if I can send her my video by Tuesday, or the latest Wednesday (her event starts on Thursday morning).

“Oh, I wish I had more time to work on this!!” my Inner Perfectionist piped up right away.

I assured her, “That’s okay, it’s only a very short video (5 min) and we can make it.” She insisted, “But, Hueina, this is your very first contact with Andrea’s community, and there will be so many accomplished thought leaders there. You want to make a perfect first impression. It’s very important, you know.” Well, first impression IS important. I can’t argue with that!

Then, my Inner Good Girl chimed in, “And Hueina, it’s such an honor that Andrea asked you to do this. It’s important to her and you don’t want to disappoint her.” The Inner Good Girl is the one who always wants to be a “good girl” and do good. She is all concerned about being proper, doing things right and making others happy (often at the cost of her own well-being). I started to feel a little pressure on my chest. Well, I do want to give Andrea and her community a great video that brings value to them; however, I do not want to get stressed out over this.

Been there, done there. Not again.

Instead, my intention was to make this video with JOY and offer it as my gift to Andrea and her community. I wanted to have a little FUN in the process as well (fun is one of my highest core values). Knowing the persuasive power of my Inner Perfectionist, and fully aware of my time constraints, I made a deal with her right off the bat. I told her that I agreed with her that we wanted to present a high-quality video that represents me well, and brings high value for Andrea’s community. On the other hand, I made it clear to her that we needed to stick to my schedule and honor my other business and family commitments (and it goes without saying that I would keep my self-care as well). AND, I wanted to aim for being professional and authentic, NOT perfect.

With the ground rules set, I looked at my business and family schedule, and picked out a couple small blocks of time for this project. I knew I most likely won’t be able to record and edit the video in one sitting. Trying to do everything all at once would probably tire me out. On the other hand, I knew I had to give myself and my Inner Perfectionist a deadline, otherwise I’ll be spending WAY too much time and energy working on “perfecting” the video. Can you relate to this? 😉

So, my Inner Perfectionist and I went to work – first in our head, planning out what we’d like to share based on Andrea’s questions. As it turned out, it’s not easy to condense all I wanted to share in 5 minutes, without feeling rushed or speaking at a frantic pace (that wouldn’t be peaceful or powerful, would it?) The creative in me had so many ideas, and I wouldn’t and couldn’t settle for a boring “talking head” video. So, I decided to include a snippet of The Keeper of the Keys movie trailer, and used a short clip of my segment in the movie to illustrate my point of telling deeply personal story in a powerful way. By the way, that’s how you can connect with the audience, stand out and be memorable.

I was excited by this new idea, so I planned out the video and recorded my speaking part. Next is the editing part – stringing everything together. Of course, every step of the way, my Inner Perfectionist was by my side, relentlessly reminding me to be perfect and fiercely pointing out my flaws. Every time she did that, I thanked her for trying to help and patiently but firmly reminded her the ground rules we’ve agreed on. Reminding myself my intention to bring value instead of trying to create a perfect video really helped. When I used up the time I’ve set for myself to complete this project, I saved the video, and sent it to Andrea right away. She told me she loved the video and they way I’ve designed it, with commentary and snippets of the movie trailer as well as my story. When she showed the video at The Wealthy Thought Leader event last Friday, I got so many praises and accolades from the live audience as well as simulcast attendees. Even days after I still got messages from Facebook thanking me for my sharing. :)

So, what can you learn from my experience? Here are 7 tips for overcoming perfectionism:

1. When opportunity knocks, you need to take decisively swift action. Successful people are action-takers. The rule of thumb is, ALWAYS SAY YES first, then figure out how to get it done.

2. Set a clear intention before you commit to or start a new project. What do you intend to achieve as the end result? (hint: aim for anything but absolute perfection.) Also, what do you intend to experience in the process and as a result of this project? For example, joy, fun, connecting with others, learning something new, making a difference, feeling proud of yourself, etc.

3. Set a clear time frame for you to work on the project. This is for you if you have a tendency to not finish your project, procrastinate like crazy, or spend FOREVER trying to make it perfect.

4. Before you start anything, set ground rules for yourself and your Inner Perfectionist, and firmly reinforce these rules. In my coaching, I teach my clients specific ways to communicate with their Inner Perfectionists and turn them into helpers, not tyrants who boss them around until they are totally run down.

5. Acknowledge and praise yourself for your efforts and progress (no matter how little), not just the end result. Practice loving kindness and Intensive Self-Care.

6. Know that your Inner Perfectionist (with her magnifying glass and white cotton gloves) is probably the only one who can see your flaws. To other people, you are probably quite amazing.

7. Remember, good enough is good enough. If you are offering something (be it your words or gifts of any kind), as long as it’s from your heart and you have done your best, it’s more than good enough.

So there you have it. My 7 tips for overcoming perfectionism. There’s no extra charge for the typos. :)

Here’s the video I shared at The Wealthy Thought Leader event, which included snippets of The Keeper of the Keys movie trailer and MY segment in the movie. Check it out!! :)

If the video player does not work, use this link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt10J1VljxE

P.S. If you are stumped by perfectionism, you might have other Invisible Chaos too! Sign up for my FREE Claim Your Peaceful Power Success Activation Kit and learn how to tame your Invisible Chaos for lasting inner peace, joy and true confidence.

P.P.S. You can order The Keeper of the Keys DVD on my website here.

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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How to Find Peace When You Feel Out of Control

There are times when you feel like your life is going against your best intention or planning, and you are losing control. It’s easy to feel anxiety, fear, self-doubt, anger and other strong emotions. How do you find inner peace when many things seem to be out of your control? That’s the lesson I’ve been learning this past week – from an unexpected cold that felt like the flu, teenage driver and a school bomb threat.

Early last week, my daughter came home from school, sick as a dog. She is usually very healthy, so this was unusual for her. The weather has been very unstable recently, and colds and flu are going around. As a seasoned Dr. Mom, I immediately whipped out all my powerful healing tools, including Young Living Essential Oils and ZeroPoint bio-energetic lasers and intention stones to help her balance and reset her bio-energetic system, boost her immunity, and lesson her discomfort (I’ll share about these AMAZING healing tools with you in the near future). She fell asleep in the middle of the bio-energetic reset protocol, and after a few hours of deep sleep, woke up feeling MUCH better.

Meanwhile, I myself was feeling a little bit under the weather that day. After tending to my daughter, I started to go down the hill, FAST. Care-giving is very straining, physically and emotionally, as I had experienced and shared in my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul. Still, I was fighting the cold with every ounce of my strength and will. I did NOT want to get sick at all. I did all the holistic and bio-energetic healing protocols that I used on my daughter, but, I was not feeling better.

I was dragging myself for about two days, trying to get things done in my business and around the house. I couldn’t control my body, which frustrated me big time. At the same time, I was beating myself up for getting sick and losing precious time. I got frustrated and angry that those healing tools did not work as effective this time. The worked wonders before. So, what’s wrong with ME? My “Evil Stepsister” chimed in: “What a disgrace! You’re an expert in self-care and mindful wellness. How can you get sick?! What will other people think when they find out?!” And my “Evil Stepmother” called me lazy, when I decided not to send out my e-zine last Friday. I was like, “WHOA, time out! I’m not lazy! I’m not feeling well and I deserve to rest.”

It finally dawned on me that I was resisting the reality, instead of being in the present moment and accepting “what is”. What you resist, persists. I was fighting with the reality that I had a bad cold and I needed (and deserved) to rest. In addition, the false belief that “I shouldn’t get sick at all” robbed my inner peace and created more stress in my physical and emotional body. No wonder none of those healing tools worked. No wonder I wasn’t getting better.

The reality is, I’m ill, and it’s OK to be ill from time to time. I’m only human, and this is part of the human experience. When I finally accepted what is without judgment, I told my Evil Stepmother and Stepsister to shut up, closed my office and allowed myself to rest as much as I could. My body responded and began to heal. It’s taken longer than I thought, and I’ve learned that you can’t rush healing. Everyone’s body is different. I’m learning to be more patient and kind to myself.

The second lesson came last weekend, when my daughter finished her 6-hour driving lessons and got her driving permit. I don’t know where “teenage driver” ranks on the top 10 stress and anxiety list, but I’m guessing it’s pretty high for any parent. She was over-the-moon excited and ready to get on the road, but, I was far from ready. My husband is braver than I am. He took her out driving around town the next day, and even let her drive him to school (only 2 blocks from home) on Monday. Both the driving instructor and my husband said that she did a great job, although I was still skeptical. In my mind, she is still my little baby girl. She only has 6 hours of lesson. Can she really drive on the road? Shouldn’t we be practicing in an empty parking lot (for a few months) first?

The next day, I was going to pick up my son from school when she enthusiastically asked, “Mommy, can I drive?” My first reaction was, “You want to drive my minivan? Are you sure? It’s much bigger than daddy’s car.” I wanted to say no, but, knowing that it was my fear talking, I decided to say yes instead. How will she be able to learn and get good at driving, if I don’t give her a chance? Here’s an opportunity for me to check what she has learned and teach her what I know. So, we got on the road, as I tried as hard as I could to look calm and relaxed. The worst thing I could do was to make her nervous by being a nervous wreck myself. To my surprise, even though she was brand new to driving, she had a fairly stable handle on the steering wheel, and she was being very careful. I’ve seen some new drivers who are much more nervous and unstable than she is. We drove all the way to school, picked up my son, and to my surprise, I offered for her to drive all of us to the grocery store too, which is on the opposite side of the town.

When we got home safely from the grocery store, she happily exclaimed, “YAY! We are ALIVE!” and I replied “Hallelujah!!” and we all laughed. Apparently she needs a lot more practice on braking and gauging the distance for turning, changing lanes, etc. but she will get better with time and practice, and I can help her with that. As long as my husband or I stay in the car with her, I think she can do well and stay safe. Come September she will get her full drivers license, and she won’t need us to drive with her. The thought of her driving somewhere without us or any grownup supervision is still nerve-wrecking for me, but, I’m going to take it one step at a time. Right now, there’s still a lot I can do to help her get ready. So when that day comes, and she goes out without me, hopefully she will remember what I’ve taught her and know what to do to keep herself safe.

As if a teenage driver is not nerve-wrecking enough, my 3rd lesson came yesterday, when I got a voicemail from the superintendent of my son’s school district that my son’s middle school was in lockdown. Half an hour later, the 2nd voicemail came, saying the lockdown was over, police just left and the kids were going to lunch. There was no explanation of WHY the school was locked down and I was visiting a Buddhist/Taoist temple in New York City when this happened, which means it would’ve taken me a few hours before I could get to my son’s school. As it turned out, the school was locked down due to a bomb threat!! In fact, they received 2 bomb threats 2 days in a row. Talk about nerve-wrecking!! Fortunately, all is well, and the police will be monitoring the campus for the next couple of weeks.

As I shared this incident on Facebook, I found out from one of my co-stars in “The Keeper of the Keys” movie Laura Carpenter-Vobornik that her daughters go to Chardon High School where the shootings shocked the nation on February 27 (fortunately her daughters are safe). The severity of the bomb threat in my son’s school slowed sunk in. It was so surreal to think that something so terrible could happen in your child’s school, and yet, I realized that we are all vulnerable to random violence, accidents and unspeakable tragedies like the Chardon shootings. In my case, there were several blessings, though. First and foremost, the bomb threat was a false alarm. Second, I somehow didn’t hear the first call, so, I got both voicemail messages at the same time (after the lockdown was over). If I had gotten the first message right away, I would’ve freaked out!! Last but not least, because I was at the temple, I was able to pray to the Tao/Buddha and surrender my fears to him. That made a huge difference! Even though I didn’t know the details about the lockdown, I got the peace of mind knowing that he is safe and all is well.

The next morning after he went to school, I got that panic feeling again, worrying whether they will have another bomb threat or lockdown. Again, I had to spend extra time in meditation and surrender to the Divine.

This, I realized, is a process I’ll need to repeat, over and over.

So, how do you find peace when you feel out of control? I hope you take away a few lessons from my story:

1. Accept what is without judgment. It’s no use to argue, deny or reject the reality. Resisting it will only create more resistance, stress, anxiety, anger or destructive behaviors. Blaming yourself or others will not help, either.

2. You can’t rush things. Everything works on divine timing, not on your schedule. Sometimes despite your best efforts, you don’t seem to get anywhere. But, if you stick to it a little longer, you’ll have a breakthrough or another door will open. Learn to be patient and trust the process.

3. Do your best and surrender the rest. You can only do your best. When things are not going according to your plan, and you are feeling out of control, know that there is a higher purpose in everything. Learn to trust that everything is in divine order and things will work out for your highest good, even when it appears the opposite.

4. Be patient and kind to yourself. Beating yourself up does not help the situation. If you’re not feeling well, do whatever you need to heal yourself. By all means, take a nap if you need to. Take your time. Your health is the top priority for your own well-being and your long-term success. Remember, you are irreplaceable!

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Leap out of Fear into Pure, Unconditional Love

Today I have a very special message for you and it’s all about LOVE. You see, today is my 18th wedding anniversary. Such a perfect day to spread the LOVE, don’t you think? :)

Do you feel like something’s missing in your life?

Do you long to feel less burdened by worry, stress, or struggle?

Have you ever buried your pain in over-eating, over-working or over-spending?

What if the deeper love you are aching for really IS possible?

How amazing would it be if you could do something RIGHT NOW to invite that into your life. . .

You CAN.

My friend and co-star in The Keeper of the Keys movie, #1 New York Times bestselling author, Marci Shimoff has found a way to help you feel like you’re in love all the time.

Find out how here: www.TheLoveBook.com

The answer lies in her New York Times bestselling book, Love For No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love, NOW OUT IN PAPERBACK.

In it, Marci offers a revolutionary step-by-step program to live in a profound state of unconditional love EVERY DAY of your life.

The kind of love that wells up from deep within and doesn’t depend on another person, situation, or romantic partner.

This simple, holistic program—based on current scientific research, ancient wisdom, proven techniques, and Marci’s interviews with 150 Love Luminaries—will make you a magnet for love.

To experience a greater state of love NOW, click here: www.TheLoveBook.com

WHAT CAN LOVE FOR NO REASON DO FOR YOU?

Marci’s breakthrough approach will help you reset your “love set point” as easily as you reset a thermostat.

You’ll automatically turn up the heat on giving, receiving—and accepting—more love and abundant blessings in your life.

You’ll be able to:

  • Open your heart fully and experience deep love from the inside, even in the midst of challenges.
  • Enjoy more fulfilling relationships with others AND with yourself.
  • Turn off your body’s stress response and turn on your body’s “love response” for better health and well-being.
  • Experience greater success and satisfaction.
  • Transform your family, community and the world.
  • This is TRUE LOVE—it’s what your heart wants most deeply and it’s what the world needs most urgently. Whatever your experience of love is right now—whether you’re in pain or feeling content—you can feel the joy and freedom of an even more open heart.

    If you’re ready for a more dazzling, love-filled life starting today, click here: www.TheLoveBook.com

    IF MARCI’S NAME SOUNDS FAMILIAR…IT SHOULD!

    Marci’s the New York Times best-selling author of Happy For No Reason as well as co-author of SIX books in the phenomenally popular Chicken Soup For The Soul series.

    Her books have sold more than 15 million copies worldwide in 31 languages! She’s also a featured teacher in the hit film “The Secret.”

    In Love for No Reason, Marci shares the most important, life-changing message of all—the one that will dissolve heartache, pain, and emptiness.

    You’ll learn the 14 Love Keys she discovered in her extensive research that will bring you lasting joy and fulfillment.

    “If only you could love enough,
    you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the universe.”
    – Emmet Fox

    If you want to feel like you’re in love ALL THE TIME, click here: www.TheLoveBook.com

    WHY NOW?

    Because Love for No Reason is the one thing that can make your 2012 fulfilling beyond your wildest dreams.

    AND if you buy Love for No Reason TODAY, you’ll receive The Love for No Reason Gift Package as a BONUS—this includes a powerful recording to remove your blocks to love, audio interviews with famous Love Luminaries, a 5-minute daily love practice, practical ebooks, and much more!

    So, I’m heartily recommending this book to EVERYONE I KNOW, giving it an enthusiastic two thumbs up.

    If you’re ready to take a giant leap in your experience of love, then this book is for you.

    Click here: www.TheLoveBook.com

    Wishing you a year of extraordinary love,
    Hueina

    P.S. Marci’s onto something BIG. I’m heartily recommending this breakthrough book to everyone, Get it TODAY, and you’ll also receive the exclusive “Love For No Reason Gift Package” as a BONUS. Click here:
    www.TheLoveBook.com

    WHAT THE EXPERTS ARE SAYING ABOUT LOVE FOR NO REASON:

    “Marci Shimoff has her finger on the pulse of the greatest evolutionary leap in the history of humanity—our leap out of fear into the attitudinal matrix of love. In Love for No Reason, she provides to the world…a compelling case for the power of love. This book has answers. And Marci Shimoff is a worthy guide.”

    —from the Foreword by Marianne Williamson, #1 New York Times bestselling author of A Return to Love

    “Love for No Reason helps us establish a foundation of unconditional love that supports greater happiness in our lives. Poignant stories and Marci Shimoff’s characteristic insights guide us to understand at a visceral level how we can love for no reason.”

    —Dr. Mehmet Oz, coauthor of YOU: Raising Your Child

    “Marci Shimoff has written another life-changing book. In Love for No Reason, she lays out a powerful and comprehensive program that anyone can do to experience a more lasting state of unconditional love. If you want to experience inner fulfillment on a whole new level, read this book.”

    —Jack Canfield, New York Times bestselling author of The Success Principles and cocreator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series

    Love for No Reason is a brilliant how-to guide for expanding your capacity to love. Highly recommended.

    —John Gray, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

    About Hueina Su
    Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

    For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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