Cosmic 2×4, Staying Strong and Vulnerability

Cheryl Richardson gratitude for the cosmic rug-pulling

I love this quote from Cheryl Richardson: “There will come a day when you look back in gratitude for the cosmic rug-pulling that brought you here.” Yes, the gratitude will come, eventually, when we have learned the lesson and found the blessings in disguise. However, when something (or multiple things) causes you to lose your footing by surprise — whether it’s a slight stumble, or what feels like a free fall down the Grand Canyon — it’s hard not to get triggered while it’s happening.

Depending on your “default stress response”, you might react with anxiety, worry, anger, resentment, guilt, blame, fear, or a full-out panic attack. You might also feel sad, helpless or hopeless. I’ve been there many times myself, and even recently, I experienced a few minor “cosmic rug-pulling” that sent me into a little tailspin (yup, it happens to the best of us).

Being an introvert, when I feel stressed and overwhelmed, I tend to withdraw from social interactions. I was also brought up and taught to NEVER air your dirty laundry, show your weakness, or burden others with your problems. My parents are always very anxious and fearful that if we share something personal or show any weakness, some unsavory people will try to judge or harm us. So, I usually try to be strong and suffer alone. Can you relate?

Back to my recent cosmic 2×4 experience… It started with a car accident a few weeks ago. My husband and I were rear-ended on I-95. Thankfully, we walked away with minor injuries, but his car was totaled. We had to deal with getting treatments, replacing his car and all the tedious back-and-forth with the insurance companies. Then a few other “cosmic rug-pulling” happened, that got me so anxious, worried, fearful and overwhelmed, that I withdrew from FB and all social circles. At the time, I felt very overwhelmed, and social media felt like another thing “to do” that would add to my overwhelm. So I just stopped posting altogether.

After a week or two of silence, some of my FB friends started to send me private messages or post to my timeline, wondering what’s going on with me.

Well, this time, I did something different. I realized that it’s not very self-loving to deny myself the love and support that could help me. It’s also not fair to assume that my friends would see me as needy or a burden or wouldn’t care or support me. I was tired of suffering alone, and decided it’s time for me to ask for support. 

So, I posted this update to FB:

“Hello friends, I’m back! Sorry I’ve been MIA for a bit and got some of you worried. Thanks so much for checking in on me (you know who you are and I so appreciate you)! ♥  I’ve been dealing with some stuff. There were some more-than-usual highs and lows in the last few weeks, since the car accident Carey and I had on Easter Sunday. Some joyful celebrations, mixed with surprises of both good and bad kinds, and a WHOLE host of very strong emotions. I’ve been dealing with it privately with my family and just a few friends. All is well in the grand scheme of things. I was just feeling overwhelmed and social media seemed another thing “to do” that would add to my overwhelm, so I withdrew… This has been my M.O. however — I withdraw from social interactions when I feel stressed and overwhelmed. I was brought up and taught to NEVER air your dirty laundry or show your weakness in public, or worse, burden others. However, by doing so, I also cut myself off from the support I could’ve received from my friends. I now realize this is not helping me. It’s not very self-loving to deny myself the love and support that could help me. It’s also not fair to assume that my friends would see me as needy or a burden or wouldn’t care or support me.

I need to learn to be okay to feel vulnerable and ask for help. I’m far from perfect, and I don’t have it all together — and I’ll stop pretending that I do. I’ll update what’s going on later. There are some happy news for sure (including new butterflies!) and some challenges I’m still dealing with. For now, I’m asking you, my friends, to send some love, light and hugs, please. Thank you!!! ♥ “

I admit, I was anxious about posting this update, showing so much vulnerability. What would people think? Would they think that I’m weak and needy? How can I be stressed and overwhelmed? I’m a stress management expert, for God’s sake. Would they think that I’m not good at what I do? These thoughts are not self-loving, of course. I quickly released them and replaced them with EXTRA dosage of self-compassion. 

Breathe, Hueina, breathe.

Within minutes of posting this, I received kind words, love, light, hugs, prayers from SO many friends, both online and offline. And they kept coming in the following days. The outpouring of love and support warmed my heart and lifted my spirit.

But, what really moved me was the comments about vulnerability and being strong. Some thanked me for the courage and role-modeling to be authentic and vulnerable. Some offered assuring words that nobody has it all together and I’m not alone. Interestingly, quite a few people told me that I’m a very strong person, but it’s okay to be vulnerable too.

It does take a lot of courage to be authentic and vulnerable. The truth is, my friends have ALWAYS been very supportive. But, the fear of judgment and rejection is still paralyzing sometimes. However, putting on a brave face and pretending to be strong while I’m feeling the opposite, does not make me strong. It only cuts me off from the love and support that could really help me.

In my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul, I wrote about the importance of connection and asking for support in Key #7: Dare to Connect. Asking for help and support when you need is NOT being selfish or needy. It is an act of self-love. How can you receive any support if you pretend that you don’t even need it? How would people know you need help, if you don’t ask for it?

It’s a simple truth, isn’t it? Yet, so many of us still have a tough time asking for help. For me, it’s the fear of judgment and rejection. You might have a different reason why you don’t want to ask for help. We all have different upbringing and limiting beliefs that could prevent us from asking for support. The obstacle and the solution, I believe, are one and the same — the willingness to be vulnerable. 

This is a huge lesson for me, and I’m grateful for the cosmic 2×4 that created this learning opportunity. What I learned from my experience is that it takes a strong person to be authentic, to show vulnerability and ask for help. Nobody has it all together. Nobody is perfect. When we share ourselves authentically, we also strengthen our relationships with those around us. More often than not, when we do ask for help, there are many people who are willing and ready to lend a helping hand. Don’t assume that your friends would see you as needy or a burden, or wouldn’t care or support you. Please know that you deserve the love and support. All you need to do is ASK, and be open to RECEIVE.

And if I can support you through coaching, please do not hesitate to contact me and set up a discovery session. I am here for you. Sending you much love and light.

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Intensive Self-Care: Allow Yourself to Rest Without Guilt

Self-Love Allow Yourself to Rest Without Guilt

After the car accident earlier this month, I’ve been taking extra time to rest, so that my body can heal and recover. Coincidentally, during a group coaching call the other day, the topic of rest and self-care came up. Several members in our group (all high-achieving woman entrepreneurs) have asked for support and guidance on getting more rest and self-care time for themselves. Some of us have a tough time setting boundaries around work. You know, when you are a high achiever working for yourself, it’s very tempting to work ALL the time. However, if you don’t have adequate rest and self-care, your health and your business simply won’t survive. Other people have a hard time unplugging from Internet and social media (myself included). It becomes a distraction and time suck that interfere with both work and family/personal time.

Apparently, taking time for rest and self-care is a common challenge among high achievers.

It’s no surprise to me. Self-Care Deficiency is a hidden epidemic among moms, caregivers, healthcare professionals, small business owners and other high-achievers, as I discussed in my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. So many women have a hard time ALLOWING themselves to rest — out of guilt, unworthiness, or because they are so wound up (mentally, physically, emotionally, or all of the above) that they simply cannot relax and rest . Can you relate?

I used to feel very guilty for sleeping in, especially when my kids were younger, and when it’s bright & sunny outside (that was an old programming from my childhood about not being lazy & wasting time). I often “override” my body’s signals with my strong will and my drive to achieve. The old programming that says if you rest & sleep in, it means you’re not a good mother or not working hard enough, used to bring up SO much guilt in me. I’d beat myself over and over.

Nowadays? NO GUILT. I honor and allow my body to rest when it needs to. The work will get done with more grace & ease, when I’m fully recharged.

How about you? Do you listen to your own body, and ALLOW yourself to rest without guilt? What old messages & beliefs get stirred up when you try to rest or do something nice for yourself?

Allowing yourself to rest is not being selfish or lazy. It’s an act of self-love. I love what my coach suggested — be “an overachiever for rest”. Let’s channel our overachieving energy into Intensive Self-Care. Let’s try it for a week, OK? Are you up for the challenge? :)

Tell me: What would you commit to do (or NOT do) today, in order to take better care of YOU? Please comment below and let me know. I’d love to hear from you.

If you need support in creating a self-care practice and more time for YOU (minus the guilt), I invite you to book a complimentary 30-min consultation with me via phone or Skype, and we will explore how coaching with me can help you. You can schedule your appointment here

Take good care of yourself, because you are irreplaceable.

P.S. My book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul is a PERFECT Mother’s Day gift — for yourself and/or for someone you really care about. You can order here.

 

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Feeling Overwhelmed? You Need to STOP, DROP & ROLL!

Overwhelmed businesswoman

Do you feel anxious, stressed and overwhelmed? Are you exhausted at the end of the day?

If so, you’re not alone. In fact, most of my clients felt that way when they first came to me for coaching.

Grace started coaching with me a few years ago. She is a dentist with two thriving dental offices, a mom of two adorable children below age six, a devoted Sunday school teacher and a loving wife. As you can imagine, it’s no small feat for her to manage her business, family life and balance everything. Before coaching with me, she often felt stressed when her life throws her a curve ball.

One time when she called me, she was overwhelmed by the constant bickering of her staff. “It’s like I’m always trying to put out fires!” She said with a sigh, “Sometimes I feel like I’m on fire too!” I jokingly replied, “If you are on fire, perhaps you should stop, drop and roll.” And we both laughed.

That got me thinking. When my clients feel overwhelmed and stressed, their survival instinct is to try to “put out the fire” by frantically working harder and faster, hoping to cross off more items from their ever-growing to-do list. They bury themselves in the tasks, forego “non-essential” activity such as self-care and leisure time with friends and family… until they either successfully resolve the crisis, or run themselves down. If you have ever come down with a nasty flu or other illnesses after completing a major project, you know what I’m talking about.

So, what can you do instead? I suggest that you try my STOP, DROP and ROLL approach.

STOP
When you are stressed and overwhelmed, stop, and take stock of the situation. Assess your stress level and acknowledge your feelings of overwhelm. This is important, since suppressed emotions don’t go away. They only get buried in your body and will show up someday as a physical dis-ease.

Identify the source of your stress. Is it from external circumstances (such as job, relationship, finance, illness), or internal sources (such as unrealistic expectations or perfectionism)? Evaluate your situation carefully. What are the things you can control? What’s out of your control? What are you willing to let go and release in order to have peace?

Take a few minutes to breathe deeply and center yourself. This is a perfect time to take a break for Intensive Self-Care. Do something to pamper your body, mind and spirit.

DROP
Now that you are calm, take a look at your to-do list. Use The 3-D Principle (Do it, Delegate it, Dump it) to assess each and every task on your list. Dump whatever is not aligned with your long-term goals and core values. Delegate the ones that can be done by others, and only perform the tasks that are aligned with your goals, core values, or can only be done by you.

ROLL
Now that you have pared down your to-do list, let’s roll out an action plan to get things done! I suggest you break down each task on your to-do list to the smallest action step possible. This will give you a flowchart of action steps and a more accurate estimate of time needed to complete each task. Once you have all the action steps determined and know how much time you need, plug them into your calendar.

Occasionally, things don’t go as planned. In order to achieve your goal without stressing yourself out, you need to be willing to roll with the punches. Be flexible about how things get done. When you are totally open and detached from the outcome, sometimes things work out in a way that you would never have imagined.

P.S. “Stop, Drop & Roll Out of Overwhelm” is key #1 in Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others written by Hueina Su. This article is adapted from the book. You can order the book here or on Amazon.

P.P.S. Watch Hueina talk about this STOP, DROP & ROLL concept during her keynote speech at an international medical conference in Asia.

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Are You Black And Blue from Beating Yourself Up?

Not Good Enough

If you’re on any social media, you might recall that back in February, #TheDress became arguably the most viral story in the history of viral Internet stories. It was a picture of a dress that in some lighting looked black and blue, and in other times appeared to be white and gold. The silly debates and viral meme aside, one good thing came out of it… The Salvation Army in South Africa used the viral sensation to create an ad campaign for domestic violence awareness. One in six women are victims of abuse, according to Salvation Army’s tweet. The ad copy reads “Why is it so hard to see black and blue? The only illusion is if you think it was her choice.”

Salvation Army Black and Blue Ad 599x229
Domestic violence is an important and serious issue. However, I’d argue that there’s another kind of violence against women (and men too) that is just as serious but often overlooked. What I’m referring to is violence against ourselves. 

As you know, oftentimes we are our own biggest critic and worst enemy. As high achievers, we tend to be so hard on ourselves. Do you beat yourself up? A little? A lot? All the time?

Are you honoring your own core values and priorities? Are you honoring your SELF? Are you treating yourself and your loved ones with love, respect, compassion, and tender loving care?

OR… Are you often “black and blue” from beating yourself up? How often do you deny yourself your own heart’s desires and the TLC you deserve?

Maybe you have incredibly high (or unrealistic) standards and expectations for yourself, and nothing you do is ever good enough. Maybe you keep picking on yourself about your “not-enoughness” such as “I’m not good enough, thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough or (fill in the blank) enough”, “I didn’t try hard enough”, “I didn’t give/care/help enough”, “I’m not a good enough mom/wife/daughter”, etc. You get the idea.

Maybe you keep beating yourself up for what you have or have not done in the past. Maybe you keep telling yourself that you’ll never achieve your goal, find your soul mate, realize your dreams, because there’s something fundamentally wrong with you and you don’t deserve the good things in life.

Perhaps every time you look in the mirror, all you can see is all the flaws and imperfections on your face and body. Instead of appreciating your own unique beauty, and what your body has done for you, all you can think of is more reasons to put yourself down or beat yourself up.

Tell me: Can you see the black and blue from all this beating you’ve done on yourself?

Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was WAY off base. Words — whether spoken words, written words, or words in your head — DO hurt, and the injuries they inflict are often more serious and long-lasting than those caused by sticks and stones. 

Last weekend, my husband and I got into a car accident, and I was rushed to ER. Fortunately, no bones were broken, but I suffered soft tissue injuries to my neck and back. Those injuries don’t show up on the X-ray, and they are not visible to the naked eye, but, it doesn’t mean that they are not there or not serious.

By the same token, the kind of violence and injuries we inflict on ourselves with our words and thoughts are not visible, but, the traumas are usually deep and long-lasting.

If you make a point to pay attention to what you say to yourself throughout the day, you might feel surprised, shocked and/or really sad. Seriously, some of the words we say to ourselves, we probably would NEVER say to anyone else, because they are so unkind, mean or downright abusive. Only bullies would say those things to their victims!

So, if you are black and blue from beating yourself up, what can you do? There are many ways to cultivate self-love, self-compassion and self-acceptance. Here are 3 ideas for you to try:

1. Set up self-love reminders. To change your perpetual habit of criticizing and judging yourself, and cultivate the new habit of loving and accepting yourself, you need a LOT of practice and reminders. You can post affirmations and reminders such as “I love and accept myself completely”, “I am whole and complete just the way I am”, “Be kind to yourself” all over your house and/or office. If you use a smart phone, you can set these up as reminders to show up on your phone every day at a certain time (or multiple times a day). Or, use them as your computer’s screen saver.

2. Pay attention to your self-talk. Every time you catch yourself saying critical words to yourself, STOP, and replace those critical words/thoughts with loving, compassionate words toward yourself.

3. Talk to your Inner Child. If you make a mistake or fail to meet your own (or someone else’s) expectations, instead of beating yourself up, immediately tell yourself, “It’s okay. I still love you. I will always love you, no matter what.” It’s even more effective if you imagine you are saying this to your Inner Child and comforting her, telling her that you will always love her, accept her and protect her, no matter what. You can visualize your younger self and imagine you are speaking to her and giving her a hug. I have one of my favorite childhood pictures as my iPhone’s screen saver. So, I always have a visual reference of my Inner Child, and a constant reminder to be kind to her. Alternatively, you can stand in front of a mirror, look into your own eyes while you say these words to yourself with as much love as possible. At first you might feel very awkward. That’s normal. With practice, it will get easier to look at yourself with love and compassion, and you WILL feel a difference.

ADVANCED TIP: Instead of trying to silence your Inner Critic or Inner Bully (which doesn’t work very well, as you’ve probably found out by yourself), there is a process to coach your Inner Critic and transform her/him into your ally. This is something we can work on during our coaching sessions. I can guide you through this process.

Louise Hay self-love quote stop criticizing yourself start approving of yourself
Louise Hay said, “You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.

Are you willing to give it a try? Is this the year you FINALLY put your health and Intensive Self-Care on top of your list, and learn to LOVE and ACCEPT yourself no matter what?

If you are READY and WILLING to make some positive changes in your life, in your self-care, and in cultivating self-love & self-compassion, I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me by phone or Skype, and let’s explore how coaching with me can be the right support for YOU.

 

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Is Your Perfectionism Keeping You Stuck?

If you are a high-achiever, you always aim for excellence and achievement. You don’t mind working extra hard, going the extra mile in order to achieve your goals. However, in the name of pursuing excellence, it’s very common for high-achievers to fall prey to perfectionism. There’s a fine line between being excellent and being perfect. The desire to be excellent motivates you to move forward and be the best you can be. On the flip side, the need to be perfect fills you with anxiety and self-doubt, runs you ragged and keeps you stuck.

Your Inner Perfectionist may sound like this:

  • I have to be perfect OR ELSE!
  • If I’m not perfect, I’m a complete failure.
  • People are waiting for me to fail and they will laugh at me.
  • I’m not trying hard enough, otherwise I would’ve been perfect.
  • Why can’t I pull it off like “everybody else”? What’s wrong with me?
  • If I’m not perfect, nobody will love me.
  • I can’t afford to make any mistakes.
  • I have to be the best in everything I do.
  • I’m so afraid of making the wrong choices or wrong moves that I’ve lost confidence in myself.
  • If I can’t make it perfect (or, If I’m not sure I can succeed), why do I even bother getting started?
  • If I don’t finish it, I won’t have to find out how imperfect (what a loser) I am.

Does it sound familiar? How does reading these statements make you FEEL – physically and emotionally? Do you tend to set impossibly high standards for yourself (and others) and beat yourself up over and over for not reaching your goals? If you feel anxious, frustrated, stuck in analysis paralysis, chest tightening, hyperventilating, paralyzed by fear of failure, with an extra dose of self-doubt or even self-loathing, you are probably a perfectionist. And the higher your aspirations are, the more severely affected you would be by perfectionism. The more successful you are, the more problematic perfectionism would manifest in your life, your health, your relationships and career/business.

Be honest: Is your Inner Perfectionist running you ragged these days? I know, because I’ve been there myself.

Last week I was invited by my Taiwanese sister Andrea J. Lee to speak via video at her 2012 The Wealthy Thought Leader event. Andrea asked me to share my experience in The Keeper of the Keys movie (which I costar with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff), and offer advice for attendees who are considering a movie project like this in the future.

If you are in the coaching & personal development industry, you’d know it’s a great honor to be included in Andrea’s Wealthy Thought Leader event. Andrea is known for teaching thought leaders on how to stay ahead of the curve, make money AND meaning via innovation. Her annual Wealthy Thought Leader event (it’s her 4th this year) in Vancouver, B.C. always attracts high-caliber speakers and thought leaders from all over the world. So, imagine my joy and surprise when I got a message from Andrea inviting me to share my experience at her event. And since she asked for a video sharing, I don’t even have to worry about flying over there. I was so excited!

There’s only one caveat: I got Andrea’s email on Sunday night, asking me if I can send her my video by Tuesday, or the latest Wednesday (her event starts on Thursday morning).

“Oh, I wish I had more time to work on this!!” my Inner Perfectionist piped up right away.

I assured her, “That’s okay, it’s only a very short video (5 min) and we can make it.” She insisted, “But, Hueina, this is your very first contact with Andrea’s community, and there will be so many accomplished thought leaders there. You want to make a perfect first impression. It’s very important, you know.” Well, first impression IS important. I can’t argue with that!

Then, my Inner Good Girl chimed in, “And Hueina, it’s such an honor that Andrea asked you to do this. It’s important to her and you don’t want to disappoint her.” The Inner Good Girl is the one who always wants to be a “good girl” and do good. She is all concerned about being proper, doing things right and making others happy (often at the cost of her own well-being). I started to feel a little pressure on my chest. Well, I do want to give Andrea and her community a great video that brings value to them; however, I do not want to get stressed out over this.

Been there, done there. Not again.

Instead, my intention was to make this video with JOY and offer it as my gift to Andrea and her community. I wanted to have a little FUN in the process as well (fun is one of my highest core values). Knowing the persuasive power of my Inner Perfectionist, and fully aware of my time constraints, I made a deal with her right off the bat. I told her that I agreed with her that we wanted to present a high-quality video that represents me well, and brings high value for Andrea’s community. On the other hand, I made it clear to her that we needed to stick to my schedule and honor my other business and family commitments (and it goes without saying that I would keep my self-care as well). AND, I wanted to aim for being professional and authentic, NOT perfect.

With the ground rules set, I looked at my business and family schedule, and picked out a couple small blocks of time for this project. I knew I most likely won’t be able to record and edit the video in one sitting. Trying to do everything all at once would probably tire me out. On the other hand, I knew I had to give myself and my Inner Perfectionist a deadline, otherwise I’ll be spending WAY too much time and energy working on “perfecting” the video. Can you relate to this? 😉

So, my Inner Perfectionist and I went to work – first in our head, planning out what we’d like to share based on Andrea’s questions. As it turned out, it’s not easy to condense all I wanted to share in 5 minutes, without feeling rushed or speaking at a frantic pace (that wouldn’t be peaceful or powerful, would it?) The creative in me had so many ideas, and I wouldn’t and couldn’t settle for a boring “talking head” video. So, I decided to include a snippet of The Keeper of the Keys movie trailer, and used a short clip of my segment in the movie to illustrate my point of telling deeply personal story in a powerful way. By the way, that’s how you can connect with the audience, stand out and be memorable.

I was excited by this new idea, so I planned out the video and recorded my speaking part. Next is the editing part – stringing everything together. Of course, every step of the way, my Inner Perfectionist was by my side, relentlessly reminding me to be perfect and fiercely pointing out my flaws. Every time she did that, I thanked her for trying to help and patiently but firmly reminded her the ground rules we’ve agreed on. Reminding myself my intention to bring value instead of trying to create a perfect video really helped. When I used up the time I’ve set for myself to complete this project, I saved the video, and sent it to Andrea right away. She told me she loved the video and they way I’ve designed it, with commentary and snippets of the movie trailer as well as my story. When she showed the video at The Wealthy Thought Leader event last Friday, I got so many praises and accolades from the live audience as well as simulcast attendees. Even days after I still got messages from Facebook thanking me for my sharing. :)

So, what can you learn from my experience? Here are 7 tips for overcoming perfectionism:

1. When opportunity knocks, you need to take decisively swift action. Successful people are action-takers. The rule of thumb is, ALWAYS SAY YES first, then figure out how to get it done.

2. Set a clear intention before you commit to or start a new project. What do you intend to achieve as the end result? (hint: aim for anything but absolute perfection.) Also, what do you intend to experience in the process and as a result of this project? For example, joy, fun, connecting with others, learning something new, making a difference, feeling proud of yourself, etc.

3. Set a clear time frame for you to work on the project. This is for you if you have a tendency to not finish your project, procrastinate like crazy, or spend FOREVER trying to make it perfect.

4. Before you start anything, set ground rules for yourself and your Inner Perfectionist, and firmly reinforce these rules. In my coaching, I teach my clients specific ways to communicate with their Inner Perfectionists and turn them into helpers, not tyrants who boss them around until they are totally run down.

5. Acknowledge and praise yourself for your efforts and progress (no matter how little), not just the end result. Practice loving kindness and Intensive Self-Care.

6. Know that your Inner Perfectionist (with her magnifying glass and white cotton gloves) is probably the only one who can see your flaws. To other people, you are probably quite amazing.

7. Remember, good enough is good enough. If you are offering something (be it your words or gifts of any kind), as long as it’s from your heart and you have done your best, it’s more than good enough.

So there you have it. My 7 tips for overcoming perfectionism. There’s no extra charge for the typos. :)

Here’s the video I shared at The Wealthy Thought Leader event, which included snippets of The Keeper of the Keys movie trailer and MY segment in the movie. Check it out!! :)

If the video player does not work, use this link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt10J1VljxE

P.S. If you are stumped by perfectionism, you might have other Invisible Chaos too! Sign up for my FREE Claim Your Peaceful Power Success Activation Kit and learn how to tame your Invisible Chaos for lasting inner peace, joy and true confidence.

P.P.S. You can order The Keeper of the Keys DVD on my website here.

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Holiday Stress Relief for the Shy and Sensitive Introverts

Are you a shy, sensitive introvert? Do you get overwhelmed easily by noise, light, busy activities, crowded places, trying new things or meeting new people? Are you easily affected by other people’s words, emotions and/or energies? If so, chances are, holidays are stressful and overwhelming for you. With MORE people, things and activities to deal with, it’s very easy to get stress and sensory overload. Can you relate?

Let me tell you a first-hand experience I had last week.

It was the day after the red-carpet premiere of The Keeper of the Keys movie in which I costar with Jack Canfield, Marci Shimoff and John Gray. I had a great time getting all dressed up (the hair and makeup took 2 hours) for the red carpet and hanging out with my fabulous costars. It was surreal to watch myself on the silver screen. The movie was AMAZING!! We partied till past midnight (which was 3 AM Eastern time) on the premiere night. I was exhausted, but I had to get up early that morning for another hair and makeup session for my photo shoot. I hadn’t drank coffee for a while, but, I asked for one that morning before heading down for the photo shoot.

Hueina Su Marci Shimoff Jack Canfield at The Keeper of the Keys movie premiere

Note to self: Never schedule a photo shoot the morning after a major party!

The photo shoot went well. I tried my best to smile despite my fatigue. It was a LOT of walking, though, in downtown Las Vegas, in my super high heels, which I totally didn’t expect. After an hour of walking around, my feet were killing me and I just wanted to crawl back to bed.

Hueina Su & John Gray at The Keeper of the Keys movie premiere

That’s when my dear hubby called, saying he and our kids were having lunch near the hotel, asking me if I were going to join them. I asked him to bring me some food and iced tea instead. I really needed a break. When he got back, he was complaining that I didn’t answer his text about what kind of tea I wanted. He questioned why I wouldn’t answer my phone “all morning” or text him back when I “had a break during the photo shoot.” Then he was rushing me to get ready to go to Red Rock Canyon.

Are you kidding me?!! I was really irritated, to say the least. First of all, I told him, I didn’t “have a break” during the photo shoot. We were walking and taking pictures the whole time. And, my phone was on mute, in my purse, which the photographer was carrying for me. Second of all, the entire movie VIP luncheon, premiere night and the photo shoot, even though fun, were official business functions. I was busy working, for God’s sake!

It wasn’t a pretty picture… I was hungry, tired and really cranky. It took great constraint on my part to NOT have a meltdown in front of my kids. On our way to the Red Rock Canyon, you could clearly feel the tension in the air.

After eating some food and meditating to center myself, I felt MUCH better. The gorgeous scenery and fresh air at the Red Rock Canyon uplifted my spirit. We were amazed by the peace and quiet in that magnificent open space. I breathed a sigh of relief, as I took in the beauty all around me, and every cell in my body relaxed. Before long, I was happy playing with my family and snapping tons of pictures (you know how much I love photography). Well, nature proved to be just what I needed to recharge and center myself.

Hueina Su at at The Keeper of the Keys movie premiere

It was a big lesson for me. Being a shy and sensitive introvert, I’m usually quite mindful of managing my energy – physical, mental and emotional energies. I can strike a pose and enjoy all the glamor and excitement on the red carpet, AS LONG AS I allow enough time to rest and recharge. Having quiet, solitary time every day is extremely important to me. However, on this trip, because of the tight schedule and because I brought my entire family with me, I ended up not having quiet time for myself. Sleep deprivation and low blood sugar made everything worse! Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and I’m so happy that they could share this amazing experience with me. However, if I could do it again, I would’ve built in pockets of quiet time, just for me, every single day. That’s why after returning home, I intentionally unplugged from emails and Internet for a few days, so that I could rest, recharge and process all the exciting experiences from this trip.

Hopefully you’ve learned a valuable lesson from my story too. Here are a few tips for you this holiday season and beyond:

  • If you are a shy, sensitive introvert, you need to be mindful of your activities and energy level. To avoid sensory overload, plan your day and activities carefully. Try not to schedule too many activities that are taxing for you physically, mentally or emotionally.
  • Build in enough quiet time and rest every day, so you can recharge and stay centered. Practice meditation, spend time in nature, or simply sit quietly. Let yourself sleep in or take a nap when you need it.
  • Use stress relief techniques and tools such as deep breathing, yoga, and visualization. Therapeutic-grade essential oils are an excellent tool for stress relief, managing energy level and emotional healing. Just make sure you are using the therapeutic-grade essential oils so you don’t end up burdening your body with allergens and chemical toxins.
  • Practice Intensive Self-Care and self-compassion. Ask yourself: “What’s the most loving thing I can do for me right now?”
  • Set good boundaries on what kind of people you interact with. Try to surround yourself with positive people and limit your time with people who drain your energy.
  • Know that what other people think of you, how they feel or act are NOT your business. You can only control your own thoughts, emotions and actions.
  • Give yourself permission to say NO. You don’t have to accept every single invitation to holiday gatherings.
  • Focus on what really matters to YOU and let other stuff slide.

Most important of all, be fully present and ENJOY the holidays!

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Mindful Wellness Coaching and Stress Management Program Helps Cancer Patients and Survivors Recover from Cancer Treatment

Cancer patients and survivors at Sparta Cancer Center found emotional support, learned self-care and life skills, and experienced faster healing and recovery from the wellness coaching and stress management program offered by certified life coach and mindful wellness expert Hueina Su.

DENVILLE, NJ – March 7, 2011 – Cancer is one of the leading causes of death. Coping with diagnosis and treatment of cancer is a very stressful journey for cancer patients and survivors, complicated by fears, anxiety, grief, and many emotional issues.

Certified life coach and stress management expert Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC, has launched a pioneering Mindful Wellness Coaching Program at the Sparta Cancer Center in Sparta, New Jersey. Since June 2010, over 60 cancer patients, survivors, and caregivers have benefited from the service with positive feedback. Su is the president and founder of Denville, NJ–based Beyond Horizon Coaching.

“Cancer patients and caregivers are very prone to stress and overwhelm. Research has shown that stress reduces immune function and interferes with the body’s ability to heal, so learning how to deal with stress effectively will help accelerate cancer patients’ recovery and improve their quality of life. Stress reduction and coaching have been found to improve cancer patients’ survival rates,” Su said.

The Mindful Wellness Program is an innovative multi-dimensional program to enhance care and quality of life for cancer patients, caregivers, and staff. “Stress reduction coaching can lower patients’ risks of cancer recurrences, infection, complications, and stress-related illnesses. It can promote healing and make medical treatment more effective,” Su said.

“By giving cancer patients tools and techniques for stress relief, self-care, and life skills, they receive a sense of control, and become more resilient and confident in dealing with cancer and other life changes,” Su said. “One example is a cancer survivor who also lost her job in the process and experienced financial difficulty due to recent economic downturn. Through my coaching, she’s able to use the skills to deal with her family, reframe the problem, and come up with solutions.”

Sparta Cancer Center is the first radiation oncology center in the Sussex County NJ to offer the most advanced radiation therapy. Under the leadership of Dr. Michael Gallagher, MD, MBA, FACRO, FACP, the center has a multidisciplinary team that offers complementary support programs in addition to radiation and chemotherapy. Su’s Mindful Wellness Coaching Program is the newest addition to their complementary programs.

Su said, “I have also learned life lessons from the cancer patients I’m coaching. An 83-year-old cancer patient showed me that there is always hope in life. I’m so impressed by her strong will and optimism.

“The well-being of cancer caregivers and patient care staff is just as important as that of cancer patients. Having worked with terminally ill cancer patients as a nurse, I experienced first-hand the high level of stress and its negative impact on health and well-being. This is why I wrote my best-selling book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others,” Su says.

“It’s my pleasure to work with Dr. Gallagher and his team,” Su said. “My program gives them the tools and confidence to not just survive, but to also thrive after their cancer treatments. There is life beyond cancer, and I feel so privileged to be able to help them bridge that transition.”

About Hueina Su and Beyond Horizon Coaching

Hueina Su, MS, BSN, CEC, is a renowned expert in helping people restore the missing peace and balance in their stressful lives.  Su is a Mindful Wellness Expert, certified life coach, keynote speaker, and the best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. She is on a mission to empower one million women nurturers to nurture themselves and create a life of their choice.

Su is the founder and president of Beyond Horizon Coaching, a global coaching and training company, specializing in providing solutions for work-life balance, stress management, and Intensive Self-Care through personal coaching, executive coaching, teleseminars, keynote presentations, team-building training, and other wellness services. She is the creator of Rx for BalanceTM, The Coaching OasisTM, and Nurture and Grow RichTM programs.

To sign up for free stress management video e-course and learn more about Su’s coaching, keynote speaking, training services and products visit www.HueinaSu.com.

Hueina Su’s full bio and additional photos www.HueinaSu.com/media-room.

She is available for interviews and can provide a list of tips and other articles. Call 973-664-0446 (O) or 201-572-3641 (Cell) or email info@HueinaSu.com.

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Contact Information:

Hueina Su

Beyond Horizon International, LLC

Phone: 973-664-0446 (O), 201-572-3641 (Cell)

Email: Contact@HueinaSu.com

Web: www.HueinaSu.com

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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