It's-Not-a-Breakdown-It's-a-Metamorphosis-HueinaSu-dot-com

Have you ever experienced a transition that looked and felt like EVERYTHING in your life was falling apart and the world as you knew it was changed FOREVER?

Have you ever experienced a personal transformation that’s SO radical that it calls for not only a shift in your perspective, beliefs and behaviors, but also a fundamental change in WHO YOU ARE?

Some call this kind of radical transformation a “Breakthrough” or “Spiritual Awakening”. Some call it “Dark Night of the Soul”. I call it “Metamorphosis”.

Why? Just as the caterpillar must completely dissolve itself to be re-birthed as a butterfly, this kind of personal transformation requires one to let go of their old stories and old self, in order for the new (and truer version of) self to emerge.
 Monarch butterfly life cycle caterpillar to adult

Two and a half years ago, I went through such a Metamorphosis. My world as I knew it changed forever, and so did I. Here’s my story…

I was born and raised in a high-achiever family in Taiwan (Asian family with 4 generations of doctors, dentists, nurses, cancer researcher and other professionals — you get the picture, right?) Growing up, there has always been SO much pressure and emphasis on achievements. If I came home with an A, it was expected. But, if I came home with less than perfect grades, I’d get a lecture from my parents for not working hard enough. My parents were loving and supportive, but they were also very strict and critical. They don’t believe in giving praise, because they were afraid that my sisters and I would become arrogant and boastful.
As the oldest daughter, I was keenly aware of my parents’ and grandparents’ disappointment of not having a son/grandson. I remember having many conversations with my dad, saying “What’s wrong with being a girl? Why can’t I do/be such and such, just because I’m a girl?” A girl CAN be just as good as boys. So, I kept trying harder to achieve and excel at school and in everything I did, in order to get their love and approval, and to prove that I was worthy to be a part of my family.

That burning desire and relentless drive to achieve have served me well over the years.

I got my nursing degree, became a RN, moved from Asia to the US to pursue my master’s degree, had successful careers in many industries, got my coaching certification and started my coaching company, wrote my first book, became an international keynote speaker, got my Black Belt and competed in many martial arts tournaments etc. I kept going fearlessly and relentlessly after my dreams. By the end of 2011, I had accomplished a LOT in my personal and professional life.

In fact, you could say that I was at the pinnacle of my career at that time. 

 Hueina Su on The Balancing Act Lifetime TV (small)
I had fulfilled my childhood dream of being a best-selling author with my first book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. I was invited to create the Mindful Wellness life coaching program for cancer patients, family caregivers as well as the healthcare providers at a cancer center. I was invited to co-star with Jack Canfield, Marci Shimoff and John Gray in a ground-breaking multiple-award-winning transformational movie called The Keeper of the Keys (WINNER of Best Independent Film at 2012 Las Vegas Film Festival, Best Feature Documentary at 2012 IndieFest Award, and Official Selection at Sundance Festival). I had been featured on Lifetime TV, Hay House Radio, Natural Health Magazine, etc. And, I had delivered my first international keynote speech at an international medical conference in Taiwan (my home country), for 700+ medical doctors, nurses and hospital administrators. The topic I was invited to speak on was Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul — based on my book about how to take care of oneself while taking care of others.
 Hueina-Su-Marci-Shimoff-Jack-Canfield-at-The-Keeper-of-the-Keys-movie-premiere-for-email
In my personal life, things were going well too. My husband and I had been happily married for 18 years with two beautiful, smart and fun-loving teenagers. I had achieved Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do, and won 10 Gold Medals in 4 different styles of martial arts (Tae Kwon Do, Kung Fu, Tai Chi Sword & Wushu) at state and regional championships. What made me even more proud is that my husband and both of my children trained and competed alongside with me in some of these martial arts tournaments. I had wonderful friends and family, and various hobbies that I enjoyed. Life was good. No, it was much more than good.
Hueina Su Black Belt TKD gold medals

However, there was a dark undercurrent going on, which became more and more obvious, until I couldn’t ignore it any more…

Even though I was very successful by most standards, and I was proud of my achievements and that I was making a difference in many people’s lives, deep down, when I was alone, when I was quiet enough… I knew I wasn’t completely happy. I was definitely not content with where I was or what I had accomplished.
Every time I achieved some new goal, I was excited and happy for a while, but it’d wear off and I’d go after the next goal.
 Climbing Mountain Success

There was always another mountain to climb, another goal to achieve. There was nearly no time to sit on the summit, allowing myself to rest awhile, taking in the beautiful view, or appreciating how far I’ve come.

You see, for “Achievement Junkies”, no matter how much they achieve, it’s never enough. They will sacrifice everything to go after their goal, but, they cannot feel satisfied or even appreciate their own achievements. As soon as they achieve one goal, it’s “what’s next?” and off they go again.

For me, I collect achievements and credentials like some women collect beautiful jewelry or shoes. You always end up wanting more. Can you relate?

Around the same time, I was becoming disillusioned about the coaching industry. Have you ever felt frustrated or discouraged by certain unsavory things in your own company or industry? I was frustrated because there were (and still are) so many people who had absolutely NO coaching training or real business expertise, yet they just hung out their shingles and started charging huge amount of money for business coaching. There were also a lot of coaches who were not walking their talks, or even intentionally deceiving their prospects with their marketing. For me and many of my colleagues who are formally trained certified professional coaches, who value honesty, integrity and professionalism above all, it was really disheartening to watch. In fact, I got so disgusted with what I was witnessing, to the point I almost quit coaching! I didn’t want to call myself a coach, because I didn’t want to associate myself with any of those people.
Before I left for my keynote in Taiwan, my coaches mastermind group had our last meeting before summer break. During the meeting, one of my dear friends & colleagues (a fellow high-achiever) said that she didn’t feel like doing group coaching any more. In fact, she didn’t feel like getting any new clients. We were very surprised. She was very passionate about doing coaching groups, and was quite successful. Why the sudden change of heart? She just shrugged and said, “I feel like I’ve been there, done that. There’s nothing else to prove.

Those words hit me like a truck and shook me to the core!!!

I did not understand why I felt that way, until much later. Actually, that’s not true. My heart and my soul KNEW instantaneously what she meant. My head (oh, my brilliant but very stubborn left brain) just didn’t want to admit that I felt the same way…
So, off I went to deliver my keynote at the medical conference in Taiwan. As I mentioned earlier, my talk was based on my book Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others. That was one of the proudest moments in my life, partially because it was in my home country Taiwan, and partially because my dad, who is a medical doctor (he has since retired) was also in the audience. I did a great job, received lots of accolades from the audience, and I felt really good about my talk. The conference organizers and staff treated me and my parents as VIPs. My heart was filled with pride, joy and gratitude.
 Taiwan conference keynote
To my surprise, after we got home, my dad said to me that he still thought I should’ve gone to medical school as he had hoped. I said to him politely, “Dad, if I had gone to medical school, I would’ve been one of those doctors sitting in the audience, not the keynote speaker on the stage.” But, I was really hurt. I couldn’t believe he brought this up again, after all these years, ESPECIALLY after I was honored as a keynote speaker at a major medical conference.

Wasn’t that good enough?

At that moment, I knew that after all these years, I was still consciously or unconsciously seeking his love and approval through achieving. And it dawned on me that I probably would never get it. No matter how much I achieve, it would never be enough for him.
That was a huge turning point for me.

I finally understood that I was achieving for the wrong reason. I had attached my identity and self-worth to my achievements, and that’s why I ended up so unhappy.

The following two years, I went through what I call a “Metamorphosis of Self-Love”. At first, it looked like depression, because I suddenly lost my drive completely. I had no desire to work on my business or get new clients. For an overachiever to lose her drive for success, it is downright frightening!!! What the heck happened to me? Who am I? I couldn’t recognize myself!
At first, I tried to PUSH and work HARDER, as I always did, but this time, I just couldn’t. Before that, I didn’t realize how much I had attached my identity and self-worth to my achievements. Now that I couldn’t work or achieve, I felt like a loser.

I kept asking myself these two questions:
1) Who am I without my achievements?
2) Can I still love myself without my achievements?

I felt utterly depressed, despaired and exhausted. I thought for sure that I had adrenal fatigue or some other illness. I went to my primary doctor and several specialists, but all the tests came back OK. My doctors thought I was just menopausal and/or depressed, and gave me antidepressants (twice, and I refused).
By that time, I had started to realize this was not ordinary depression (which I’ve had a few times before). There was something else going on. When I finally calmed down and got quiet enough to tune in, I kept hearing “Stop” and “Rest”. Every time I got impatient with myself and anxious that I had fallen behind my colleagues, I’d hear the same words.

It’s like my Higher Self put down her foot, and wouldn’t let me move until I “get it”.

While this internal breakdown, aka spiritual awakening was going on, a whole host of other events happened, that looked like EVERYTHING in my life was breaking down too.

I jokingly called it the “Cosmic Perfect Storm”.

First, my daughter lost her baby chinchilla Wei-Wei. Within a few days, our beloved almost-12-year-old cat Katie, who I had raised since she was a few weeks old, was diagnosed with oral cancer. Despite our best efforts and a LOT of prayers, she passed away in a month. I don’t remember ever crying SO much and SO hard in a month. It was like I was releasing SO much grief that was imbedded deeply in my soul. Fortunately, I had some powerful emotional healing and energy clearing tools to help me through this, including ZeroPoint Emotional Clear Set, which was a godsend for me.
While Katie was sick, my daughter was busy interviewing for college, and my son was starting high school. A few months later, my dad was rushed to ER, and was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer after an emergency surgery. I dropped everything and flew back to Taiwan to take care of him for a whole month. I’m really grateful that I was able to spend that time with my dad. Thankfully, my dad survived the surgery (he is now in remission after 12 rounds of chemotherapy). After spending a month with my dad, I came back to US, just in time to help my daughter pack up for college. Another very emotional transition, as my first baby left home for college. We also decided to transfer our son to another high school, so that was another tough transition for all of us.
 hold-on-dragonfly
I was SO looking forward to September, when everybody would go back to school, and I could finally have some time for myself. But no, the Divine had a different plan. It was the 2nd day of school, and I got a call from my husband saying he was just laid off. Totally out of the blue. This is so unfair! He had worked so hard for that company for 14 years! He was in shock, and I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach. But, I had to be strong, for my husband, for our family. I couldn’t break down. I had to be his rock. And that’s what I did.
I gave him a LOT of coaching and ZeroPoint emotional clearing. A LOT. But it paid off. He found a new job — a better one — after 3 months. That was incredibly fast, although it FELT like eternity when we lived in total uncertainty. We felt so blessed and relieved. The caveat — we had to sell our home of 14 years in New Jersey, and move 350 miles to Virginia. AND, he had to report to work right away, which means I’d have to stay in NJ to take care of our son, get our house ready for sale, work with the realtor and all the contractors (for minor repairs), deal with Open House and whoever asked to show our home (in the end, we had more than 100 showings). It was physically and emotionally EXHAUSTING! On top of that, we had a brutal winter in 2014 with record-setting (at that time) snow and ice. Ugh!!
Then, it was time to pack up and move. Saying good-bye to so many good friends & neighbors we’ve come to love was really tough for us. I didn’t even get to say good-bye to most of them. For our children, this was saying good-bye to the only childhood home they remembered. Very emotional for all of us.
As you can see, it was one thing after another… I felt like the bottom of my world fell apart and there was nothing I could hold on. Everything was breaking down and there was not much I could control at all.

It was then when I finally LET GO. I finally surrendered…

When I let go, I finally felt the loving embrace of my Divine Mother. She has always been there with me and for me. I just didn’t know how to connect with her. Now I know I am always loved and protected.
All my life, I thought if I just worked hard enough, I could make IT happen — whatever IT was. I felt like I couldn’t count on anyone else but myself. Now I know there is a better way, an easier way. Now I know I don’t need to do it all on my own. Instead, I get to co-create with the Divine with grace and ease.
Girl floating in water
As for those two questions that tormented me:
1) Who am I without my achievements?
I AM a child of the Divine. I AM loved and accepted just the way I am. Always, in all ways. I finally got it that I am not my achievements, reputation, or anything that’s outside of myself. I AM inherently worthy, and I don’t need to do or have anything to prove my worth.
2) Can I still love myself without my achievements?
The answer is a resounding YES!!!
I emerged from my chrysalis reborn and recharged, with a clear mission and a few focus for my work. This Metamorphosis of Self-Love that I went through, is the process I’d like to teach others. Just as caterpillars must shed their old skins in order to grow and become beautiful butterflies, we must let go of all the beliefs, conditioning and behavior patterns that don’t serve us, and are not aligned with who we truly are, in order to emerge as our beautiful, wise and powerful True Self.
 Woman butterfly wings scarf
Can you relate to my story? Maybe you are feeling very stressed and overwhelmed at work or at home. Maybe there are already some “breakdowns” happening in your life right now. Pay attention. Tune in. Maybe you are being initiated into your own Metamorphosis. And if that’s the case, don’t panic or despair, you are not alone. All is well by Divine Order. Everything will unfold in divine timing.
Are you ready for your transformation? What “old skins” (old stories, beliefs & behaviors) are causing you stress, suffering, and stifling your growth? What do you get to let go and release, in order to transform yourself into the beautiful butterfly that you are meant to be?
Butterfly Caterpillar Inner Beauty

When you can truly love and accept yourself,
nothing and nobody in the world can disturb your inner peace,
and you are most powerful.
~ Hueina Su

The Peace, Joy and Freedom of loving and embodying your True Self can be yours, if you have the courage to embrace the process. Let me be your guide.

Some of the benefits of coaching with me:

  • Less stress and anxiety
  • More joy, inner peace and calm
  • More self-confidence
  • More self-compassion and less self-judgment
  • Better mental focus, productivity & performance
  • Better understanding your own limiting beliefs & behaviors (Less self-sabotage)
  • Better self-care and better health
  • Better relationship with self and others
  • More time for you without guilt
  • Practical tools and strategies for managing yourself and your work/life

But, don’t just take my words. Here’s what my clients say about me, in their own words: CLICK HERE

 

READY FOR THE NEXT STEP?

If you are READY and WILLING to invest in yourself and your future, I’d like to offer you a complimentary 30-min Initial Consultation by phone (or by Skype if you live outside of the US).  This is NOT a sample coaching session. This is a consultation to explore if we are a good fit for coaching.

During our consultation, you will get clarity about your goals, your challenges and I will point you to the next step you can take. So, even if we end up not working together, it will be extremely valuable for you to have a consultation with me.

I have a limited number of Initial Consultation openings each month. To apply for your consultation, simply click on the “Apply Now” button below to schedule your appointment online.

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