Hueina Su | Stress Management Coaching Training Keynote Speaking NJ

However, can I share an important secret with you?

Years ago, I was stressed out all the time.
It wasn’t because I was a former registered nurse.
It wasn’t because I was taking care of many terminal cancer patients.
It wasn’t because I was commuting 3 hours every day to work.
It wasn’t because I was taking care of a newborn while working full-time.
I could deal with all that.

Want to know the REAL reason I was stressed?

There was a force that had a greater power over me. There was Invisible Chaos that I grew up with that ran so deep and created a stress that governed so much of my life …

I was born and raised in Taiwan. Now, the first thing you need to know about my culture is that sons are strongly preferred over daughters, and that honoring your parents, your family and your tradition is the of the utmost importance.

My family has four generations of doctors and nurses. My father is the eldest son in his family, and I am the eldest child in mine. Needless to say, my parents were hoping for a son to inherit my father’s medical practice. When I was born, my parents were excited for their first child, but my grandparents were outright disappointed. When my two younger sisters were born, the situation got worse. My parents are very loving and overprotective parents for us, however, they also never hide their longing for a son and the regret of not having one. Not having a son became the source of many conflicts and problems in my family.

As a young child, I was often told that I was “the substitute son”. To my father, he meant that he had very high expectations for me. But to me, I internalized it as I would never be good enough for him, because I was not a son.

I felt that I had to try extra hard for my parents’ love and approval, because being myself was simply not good enough.

Being a daughter of a small town doctor means that everyone knew me as Dr. Su’s daughter. I was constantly reminded that everyone was watching my every move, and I should be mindful of my role and responsibility to honor my family. To my parents, nothing less than straight A was acceptable. To carry my family name and honor was tremendous pressure.

I felt like a fish in a small fish bowl, and my life was in plain sight for everyone to see and criticize.

The glass on the fish bowl magnified every little flaw I had, and I had nowhere to hide. Talk about stress!

Even though I was a straight A student and excelled at everything I did, I felt extremely insecure and self-conscious. I had tremendous fears of failure, rejection and judgment.

To make the matters worse, my mom, out of good intention to keep me away from boys, told me that for a girl to find a good husband (and that’s THE most important goal for a girl), she must either be beautiful, has a well-off family, or has good education. Mom said, “Hueina, you are not pretty, and we are not rich, so you’d better study hard.”

Of course, I totally believed her.

You see, when you buy into a certain belief, you will find all the evidence to support that. The early onset of severe acne and the fact that I didn’t have the coveted porcelain skin or shiny black hair only reinforced my belief that I was not pretty.

In fact, I believed that I was not pretty for twenty some years, until I realized that I am actually beautiful.

So study hard I did. I was a straight A student and excelled in everything I did. Mom’s tactic kept me from boys, however, she probably never imagined how much trouble and heartbreaks I’d have to pay for my low self-esteem and limiting beliefs. In fact, I was on the brink of suicide many times because I just couldn’t deal with the stress and emotional pains from both academic pressure and failed relationships.

I became an over-achiever, perfectionist and people-pleaser, because my self-worth was totally attached to my achievements and being liked. My relationships were a mess! I kept attracting men who did not respect and appreciate me. I suffered from tremendous emotional pain and depression from many failed relationships.

In the meantime, since as young as I could remember, I was told that I must become a medical doctor and follow my family’s tradition, and that was the only way. I struggled with it when I realized that medicine was not my passion nor my gift. I wanted to be a writer but was told that I would most likely starve. Long story short, I became a nurse instead of following my dream. I was a good nurse, but I knew there was something more that I wanted. Eventually, I decided to follow my dream and moved to the U.S. for graduate study.

Moving to a foreign country with a totally different culture and language takes tremendous courage. Both my parents and I had to take a giant leap of faith and a lot of risks.

Every time I reinvented myself, I was following my passion and taking a leap of faith. It’s not easy to take risks and make big changes. But, when you are following your heart, it’s SO worth it!

I finished my master’s degree, and later on became a certified life coach. For more than 20 years I have thrived in many careers including nursing, counseling, consulting, education, nonprofit management, speaking, training, and small business.

Over the years, through my own trials and errors, diligent studies on my spiritual journey, and with the help of great mentors and coaches, I have learned how to tame my Invisible Chaos, and created much happiness and success in my life.

After years of suffering from men who didn’t respect or appreciate me, I now have a beautiful family. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He loves and appreciates me as who I am, and supports me 100% in pursuing my dreams. My daughter is starting high school and my son is starting middle school this year. They are both beautiful souls and such JOY in my life!

I have healed my relationship with my parents too. We are much closer than before.

When I was 35, I started martial arts training. Within 3 years, I earned my Black Belt along with several gold medals from state and regional championships. Martial arts training helped me tremendously in connecting with who I truly am and see that I am much stronger than I thought.

I now know that I am intelligent, beautiful, strong, and powerful.

Four years ago, I became a certified life coach, keynote speaker and realized my childhood dream of being a published author. I’m no longer that painfully shy girl who was insecure, heartbroken and depressed. Instead of hiding in the back of room, I now travel the country to give keynotes and present Teleseminars to a global audience.

I’m much more confident and happier. Most importantly, after years of rejecting and fighting with my self, I’m finally at peace with who I am.

When you are deeply rooted in your true essence — your inner balance, inner beauty, inner wisdom, inner purpose and inner power, you are totally at peace. Nothing and nobody in the world can disturb your inner peace and you are most powerful.

My Chinese name Hueina consists of two characters which means wisdom and beauty. My grandfather gave me that name which clearly expressed his expectation for me. I feel like I’ve finally become who I’m meant to be. Life flows with ease and meaning.

Recently, it came to my attention that many women, suffer from the same Invisible Chaos that I’ve struggled with, and it causes them tremendous amount of stress, anxiety, insecurity, self-sabotage and emotional pain.

I have reverse-engineered what I had to do to tame my own Invisible Chaos and created the inner peace, joy and success in my life.