The One Decision That Saved My Life

The One Decision The Saved My Life

This Wednesday, I celebrated my 49th birthday. Wow, I’m almost half a century old (I know, I don’t look or feel like that)!! As a result, you can probably imagine, I’m in a celebratory and more contemplative mood this week. I’d like to share with you some birthday musings and some inspiration with you.

Hueina 1991 vs 2015

The picture on the left was taken a few days before my birthday in 1991, and the picture on the right was taken on my birthday this year. Two pictures. Twenty-four years apart. When I look at the pictures side by side, I look and feel like a totally different person. Back in 1991, I was in graduate school, stressed out from studying in a foreign country, while going through several painful relationship break-ups. I was painfully shy, insecure and desperately craving love and acceptance from Prince Charming. I didn’t know I was beautiful, lovable and worthy of love. I didn’t know that I need to give love and approval to MYSELF, instead of trying to get love and approval from others. Ironically, I kept attracting men who cheated on me and broke my heart into pieces. It was after 3 men in a row cheated on me that I completely fell apart, and that triggered a profound spiritual awakening for me. I made ONE DECISION that saved my life and turned my life around.

When I look at my younger self, my heart is filled with compassion for her, and gratitude for how far I have come, and WHO I have become.

In my segment in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys (starring Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff), I shared that spiritual awakening experience, the ONE DECISION that saved my life, and the advice I’d give to my younger self. I’d like to share my segment with you today, because I know you will gain some inspiration and insights from watching it.

If I were to ask you to look back at your younger self, what comes to mind? In what way are you different from your younger self? What are you most proud about who you are today? What advice would you give to your younger self? What self-loving commitments would you make to YOURSELF?

As for my birthday celebrations… My daughter was leaving for college last Saturday, my husband was leaving for a 6-day business trip on Sunday, and my son informed me that he will be having dinner with his buddies on my birthday. Since we moved from NJ to VA a few months ago, all my good friends, cousins & sisters are at least 3-6 hours away. That means, I’d be celebrating my birthday all by myself. :( Good thing I had the foresight to get myself a birthday cake last Friday, so that my family could celebrate my birthday in advance, while everyone was home. :)

On my actual birthday, I took myself to a day spa for a 90-min massage. It’s one of my favorite birthday traditions FOR myself. Even when I was going through some dark times in the last few years, I kept up this self-loving tradition, which I’m proud and grateful for. I usually hang out in the quiet room of the spa afterwards to reflect and set intentions for the new year. This year, I couldn’t find a full-feature day spa like the one I loved in NJ, but, I did find a nice spa that offers a rose and lavender massage. I was intrigued because the description says it includes a dry body brushing, flowing full body massage with rose & lavender cream, and being “cocooned” in a bed of rose petals while enjoying scalp and neck massage. Being “cocooned” like in a butterfly chrysalis? You know how much I LOVE butterflies. Of course I wanted to try that! It was very relaxing, indeed. Then, I tried a new Asian fusion restaurant, because I was craving sushi. Imagine my surprise, when I saw the “Caterpillar Roll” on the menu. Wow, another sign about butterflies! Of course, I HAD to try the Caterpillar Roll along with sashimi. They were both delicious and I was so impressed by the presentation! Another surprise was that my son texted me an hour before dinner, saying his dinner plan got cancelled, so he could now have dinner with me. YIPEEE! We went to our favorite Thai place near our home and had a great time! I feel so blessed and grateful for all the love and birthday wishes from my family and friends.

Now, go watch my video (see below). I bet you can relate to my story on some level, as so many people who watched that movie have told me so. I have a hunch that it might help you in some way. I’d love to hear your story and what you think of the video. Please leave your comment below, OK? If I can support you on your journey in any way, please do not hesitate to contact me.

More importantly, please take good care of yourself, because you are irreplaceable.

Here is The Keeper of the Keys video. Enjoy! If you love my segment, you’d want to order your own copy of The Keeper of The Keys movie DVD here.

The Keeper of the Keys movie DVD cover

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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The Last Knit: A Lesson Of Passion, Balance and Letting Go

The Last Knit animated short film directed by Laura Neuvonen

It was right before dawn, a knitter quietly walked toward a cliff. She picked a good vantage point facing the cliff and the rising sun, set up a chair and spread out her knitting supplies. She looked around, smiled, feeling satisfied with her arrangement, and got ready to create her masterpiece. As the sun rose up in the sky, the knitter has created a beautiful, long, multicolored scarf. She reached down to a pair of scissors at her feet, getting ready to cut the yarn and finish her masterpiece. However, she hesitated and decided to keep going. She stroked and examined her creation with admiration and pride, as she continued to knit. Her passionate fingers moved skillfully, faster and faster. The scarf grew longer and longer, curled and piled up by her feet. She stretched her legs and gave the pile a gentle kick, in order to create more room for her creation to grow.

That innocent, gentle kick was the tipping point that created the irrevocable domino effects that sealed her fate…

You see, unbeknownst to the knitter, when she kicked the pile of scarf to make more room, the tip of the long scarf fell off the edge of the cliff. As she continued to knit, and the scarf continued to grow longer, more of the scarf hung off the edge of the cliff, and the growing weight started to pull the entire scarf AND the knitter toward the edge of the cliff.

By now, the knitter realized there was a problem, as she was fighting a losing battle to pull the scarf away from the cliff. She could barely keep herself from falling down the cliff with her masterpiece. At this point, she could no longer reach the scissors, as she had been pulled WAY too far from her chair. What are her options? She could pull out her knitting needles and let go of her scarf. Or, she could simply let the whole thing go…

But, of course, she couldn’t, and WOULDN’T, let go of her beloved masterpiece.

Instead, she decided to knit FASTER, adding length to her scarf in order to counteract the weight and speed of the rest of the scarf falling down the cliff. Her face stubborn and determined. Her fingers moving feverishly. She knitted and knitted like there was no tomorrow… At one point, the scarf flew up in the sky, as she stared defiantly at it, as if she was taming a wild beast. For a moment, you might think that victory was hers. However, that’s when she ran out of yarn.

That’s when everything fell apart… 

The scarf now pulled her entire body off of balance and she was being dragged on the ground toward the edge of the cliff. She couldn’t reach back for the scissors. There was nothing nearby for her to grab on. In a moment of desperation, she decided to knit her long hair into her creation. She thought she could buy enough time to pull the entire thing back from the cliff. However, she simply didn’t have the strength.

Her creation has grown to be larger than life and she couldn’t do anything but be dragged down by it. The edge of the cliff was fast approaching. And this time, she was totally attached (literally!) to her creation and couldn’t even let go…

This is the story from an amazing animated film called The Last Knit. The entire film is less than 7 minutes long, with NO dialogue at all, but it’s full of edge-of-your-seat twists and turns till the end, with some PROFOUND lessons. I’ve included the video at the end of this post, so you can watch the film yourself, and find out what happened to the knitter in the end. It’s a surprise.

What do you think of this story? To me, this is a cautionary tale about passion, balance (or lack thereof), and letting go.

There is a fine line between passion and obsession, between devotion and compulsion. Would you say this knitter was passionate and devoted? Or, would you say that she has crossed the line and become obsessive compulsive?

I’d like you to read my article again, but this time, replace the word “knitting” with “working.” The scarf represents the money, fame, power and anything else that the knitter is determined to achieve in life. The chair represents her grounded center — her life balance or her true self. The scissors represent the discernment for “enough-ness.” As time passes, the more she accomplishes, the more ambitious she becomes. She could have used the scissors to cut the scarf when it’s “good enough”, but her ambition for MORE and her attachment to her creation pushed her to keep going, allowing herself to be pulled off of balance, and almost led to her own demise.

What do you think about this story now? How differently do you feel when you see it through this new lens?

Have you met people who are so passionate about their work, and so devoted to their own creation, that they have lost their balance in life, or even become a bit obsessive compulsive?

Have you ever felt like you have lost your balance (and/or yourself) while working at a job, a project or a business, and felt like you were being dragged involuntarily like the knitter in the story?

When you get to the point of your creative process, where you could “tie a bow” and it would be good enough by most standards, how often do you choose to keep going, to make it bigger, better or more perfect?

When something (a job, business, project or relationship) is overwhelming or falling apart, do you tend to work harder and faster, “weave your hair in it” and sacrifice yourself as a last-ditch effort?

How do you find the balance between passion and obsession?

Can you discern when to persevere and when to let go?

Where do you draw the proverbial line in the sand?

When is enough really enough?

These, my friend, are the questions I’m offering for you to ponder. If you can’t answer them for yourself, perhaps I can help.  Contact me for a complimentary initial consultation (by phone or Skype), and I will help you get some clarity and point you toward possible next action steps.

 

The Last Knit (2005) from Anima Vitae on Vimeo.
About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Archangel Michael Guided Meditation

Archangel Michael Crystal Clear Intentions

I love this Archangel Guided Meditation by Doreen Virtue. According to her, “Archangel Michael is probably the most famous of all the archangels. He’s been sainted, churches are named for him, and he features prominently in the Bible and other sacred texts. Ancient and modern artwork portray Michael as a muscular, athletic archangel with intensely powerful facial expressions and body language. Usually he’s painted with his sword poised above a pinned-down demon. This is to signify Michael’s primary purpose of slaying the ego and fear. Sacred texts and countless men are named after him.”

Archangel Michael is the one to call on when we need protection (for our bodies, loved ones, vehicles, belongings, and reputations) or for spiritual protection. Archangel Michael is the supreme protector who guards against all effects of fear and fear-based energies. After all, this negative emotion is the driving force behind everything that’s unsavory in this world. Without fear, we have peace. Michael will shield you from lower energies if you ask for his protection.

According to Doreen, he also offers life-purpose guidance. Archangel Michael has been overseeing God’s mission on Earth since before people populated the planet, and he lovingly oversees our human Divine life missions. Michael is a record keeper and man-ager, helping you, and everyone else, know the purpose of your life. He also guides your next step and helps you make important life changes.

Here is the link to listen to the Archangel Michael guided meditation. There’s no need to sign up or purchase anything. You can listen to the meditation right on this page. Enjoy!

 

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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Have You Made THE Shift Yet?

Start a Legacy
Four days ago (March 11th), Google CFO Patrick Pichette announced that, after nearly 7 years as CFO, he is retiring in order to spend more time with his family. His heartfelt letter of resignation blew up the Internet and inspired many discussions and articles about work life balance and honoring one’s core values.

On the same day, my daughter received a wonderful news that she was named as a recipient of the Rutgers 2015 Academic Excellence Award. This award is given by the university to the top 10% of sophomores at Rutgers based on GPA performance in their respective schools. My husband and I are overjoyed and SO proud of our baby girl. She maintained a 4.0 GPA through her freshman year, and I know that’s not easy as an Animal Science major on the Pre-Vet track. She has always been very conscientious and self-motivated. My husband and I are far from the so-called Tiger Dad or Tiger Mom. In fact, growing up in an “Achieve or Die” culture, having experienced (and barely survived) the Overachiever Minefield, and having lost 2 cousins to suicide in their teen and early 20s, I am highly aware and mindful of NOT subjecting my own two children to many things that I went through in my youth.

When the news broke out on the same day about Patrick Pichette’s retirement and my daughter’s award, I was once again humbly reminded of my enormous responsibility of raising the next-generation high achievers. I was reminded of a photo of me and my daughter taken on her high school graduation day (pictured), where there was a banner behind us that read “START A LEGACY”. I wasn’t aware of the banner when we were taking the picture. It was until much later when I looked at the picture and realized what a PERFECT message we were given. What a blessing! This whole “business” of being a parent is about leaving a legacy, isn’t it? We are not here just for ourselves. At the end of the day, we’ve got to ask ourselves, “What kind of legacy am I creating? At the end of my life, what kind of legacy am I leaving behind?” That’s WAY more important than any fame, fortune or achievements.

We’ve got to ask ourselves, over and over, “What kind of role model are we being for our children?” As you know, our children learn more from what we do, than what we preach.

A few years ago, I watched a transformational movie called The Shift, starring Dr. Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite spiritual authors and mentors. In the movie, he talked about a fascinating study called The Moment That Turns Your Values Upside Down. In this study, they asked a large group of men and women to list their top 5 priorities before and after “The Shift”, which is the “Quantum Moment” that changes your life in such a dramatic way that challenges and changes your priorities, core values, and even WHO YOU ARE. Sometimes The Shift is triggered by a spiritual awakening, a tragic loss, or some kind of “wake up call”. Doesn’t it remind you of my Metamorphosis story?

Are you curious about the top 5 priorities men and women have? (Hint: they are VERY different) And how their top 5 priorities changed after The Shift? (again, VERY different and totally surprising)

Let’s look at men first. Before The Shift, men’s top 5 priorities were:

  1. Wealth
  2. Sense of Adventure
  3. Achievement
  4. Pleasure
  5. Be Respected

After The Shift, men’s top 5 priorities changed to:

  1. Spirituality
  2. Personal Peace (less anxiety and stress, peace of mind)
  3. Family
  4. God’s Will (a sense of purpose)
  5. Honesty (authenticity, honest with his own feelings and with himself)

Dr. Wayne Dyer noted that spirituality was NOT even on top 15 for men before The Shift, however, it became their #1 priority after The Shift. Family was on top 15 before The Shift, although it was way down on the list.

Now, let’s look at women. Before The Shift, women’s top 5 priorities were:

  1. Family
  2. Sense of Independence
  3. Career
  4. Fitting In
  5. Attractiveness (looking nice, be liked by others)

After The Shift, women’s top 5 priorities changed to:

  1. Personal Growth (How am I growing as a human being?)
  2. Sense of Self-Esteem (How do I feel about myself? Am I worthy and valuable?)
  3. Spirituality
  4. Happiness
  5. Forgiveness (letting go of resentment and hurt from the past)

Dr. Wayne Dyer noted that, for women, happiness was almost at the bottom of their priority list before The Shift. Women were told that doing what they are supposed to do is more important than feeling happy or feeling entitled to happiness. After The Shift, happiness climbed to #4 on their priority list.

Quite a dramatic change of priorities for BOTH men and women, right? Were you surprised? What surprised you the most? Can you relate to the study results?

Back to Google CFO Patrick Pichette. What prompted this dramatic and unorthodox career move? Pichette recalls a vacation in Africa with his wife last fall, during which she suggested they keep traveling and really see the world. He initially gave a typical prudent CFO type response: I would love to keep going, but we have to go back. It’s not time yet. There is still so much to do at Google, so many people counting on me, etc. (you can read his full memo at the end of this post)

“Then she asked the killer question,” Pichette wrote in his memo, which he posted to Google+. “So when is it going to be time? Our time? My time? The questions just hung there in the cold morning African air.”

That was his THE Shift moment. He recognized and embraced THE Shift, and made the conscious and wise decision to honor his core values and priorities.

How about you? Are you living a life aligned with your core values and priorities? If not, would you like to make THE Shift? 

No, you don’t need to quit your job, run to Africa or move to a monastery on top of a mountain (unless you want to). You CAN make THE Shift right where you are.

Nirvana, as they say, is just a thought away.

THE Shift is a change process which starts from WITHIN yourself — your thoughts, beliefs, mindset. It’s an inside-out job. Of course, to change your life to re-align with your new priorities and core values, you’ll have to change your behaviors and make different choices about your life too. This is where coaching can help. Big time.

Once you become aware that your current life is not in alignment with your core values, priorities and/or who you truly are, the mis-alignment can feel increasingly uncomfortable, even excruciatingly painful. It’s like forcing yourself into a pair of way-too-small shoes AND having to walk 5K in those shoes every single day. Ugh! It’s pure torture and self-abuse. Just the thought of it makes me shudder.

Instead of torturing yourself, let me invite you to consider coaching with me. If you are a high-achieving woman (or man) who is very successful BUT feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and unhappy at the end of the day, AND you have challenges with:

1) Taking care of EVERYONE but not enough time for YOURSELF

2) You are dealing with “Internal Stress” such as being very hard on yourself, constantly criticizing yourself, trying to be nice and please everyone, trying to be perfect & put-together all the time, fear of failure, or fear of judgment/rejection

If you are struggling with one or more of the above challenges, you WILL benefit from coaching with me.

Some of the benefits of coaching with me:

  • Less stress and anxiety, Better sleep
  • More joy, inner peace and calm
  • More self-confidence at work
  • More self-compassion and less self-judgment
  • Better mental focus, productivity & performance
  • Better understanding of your own limiting beliefs & behaviors (Less self-sabotage)
  • Better self-care and better health
  • Better relationship with yourself and with others (think your spouse, children, in-laws, coworkers, friends etc)
  • Better at saying NO and setting healthy boundaries
  • More time for you WITHOUT GUILT
  • Practical tools and strategies for managing yourself and your work/life

Imagine… If you can have just ONE of the above benefits RIGHT NOW, how differently will YOU feel? How much BETTER will your work life & family life be?

The Peace, Joy and Freedom of creating a life you love can be yours, if you have the courage to MAKE THE CHANGE. Let me be your guide.

Meditation

The truth is, if you keep doing the same things you’ve been doing, you’ll keep getting the same results. How will you feel a year from now, or 5 years from now, if you keep doing what you’ve been doing?

If you are READY and WILLING to invest in yourself and your life, I’d like to offer you a *complimentary* 30-min Initial Consultation with me.

This can be done by phone (or Skype, if you live outside of the US) at a time that’s convenient for you and me. Please note: this is NOT a sample coaching session. This is a consultation to explore if we are a good fit for coaching.

Whether you decide to coach with me, you WILL definitely get clarity about your challenges and the possible action steps for you. So, you really have nothing to lose, and EVERYTHING to gain.

I have a limited number of Initial Consultation openings each month. It’s first come, first serve. To apply for your consultation, simply click on the “Apply Now” button below to schedule your appointment online.

Apply Now

 

 

 

P.S. Here is Patrick Pichette’s full memo:

After nearly 7 years as CFO, I will be retiring from Google to spend more time with my family. Yeah, I know you’ve heard that line before. We give a lot to our jobs. I certainly did. And while I am not looking for sympathy, I want to share my thought process because so many people struggle to strike the right balance between work and personal life.

This story starts last fall. A very early morning last September, after a whole night of climbing, looking at the sunrise on top of Africa – Mt Kilimanjaro. Tamar (my wife) and I were not only enjoying the summit, but on such a clear day, we could see in the distance, the vast plain of the Serengeti at our feet, and with it the calling of all the potential adventures Africa has to offer. (see exhibit #1 – Tamar and I on Kili).

And Tamar out of the blue said “Hey, why don’t we just keep on going”. Let’s explore Africa, and then turn east to make our way to India, it’s just next door, and we’re here already. Then, we keep going; the Himalayas, Everest, go to Bali, the Great Barrier Reef… Antarctica, let’s go see Antarctica!?” Little did she know, she was tempting fate.

I remember telling Tamar a typical prudent CFO type response- I would love to keep going, but we have to go back. It’s not time yet, There is still so much to do at Google, with my career, so many people counting on me/us – Boards, Non Profits, etc

But then she asked the killer question: So when is it going to be time? Our time? My time? The questions just hung there in the cold morning African air.

A few weeks later, I was happy back at work, but could not shake away THE question: When is it time for us to just keep going? And so began a reflection on my/our life. Through numerous hours of cycling last fall (my introvert happy place) I concluded on a few simple and self-evident truths:

First, The kids are gone. Two are in college, one graduated and in a start-up in Africa. Beautiful young adults we are very proud of. Tamar honestly deserves most of the credit here. She has done a marvelous job. Simply marvelous. But the reality is that for Tamar and I, there will be no more Cheerios encrusted minivan, night watch because of ear infections, ice hockey rinks at 6:00am. Nobody is waiting for us/needing us.

Second, I am completing this summer 25-30 years of nearly non-stop work (depending on how you wish to cut the data). And being member of FWIO, the noble Fraternity of Worldwide Insecure Over-achievers, it has been a whirlwind of truly amazing experiences. But as I count it now, it has also been a frenetic pace for about 1500 weeks now. Always on – even when I was not supposed to be. Especially when I was not supposed to be. And am guilty as charged – I love my job (still do), my colleagues, my friends, the opportunities to lead and change the world.

Third, this summer, Tamar and I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary. When our kids are asked by their friends about the success of the longevity of our marriage, they simply joke that Tamar and I have spent so little time together that “it’s really too early to tell” if our marriage will in fact succeed.
If they could only know how many great memories we already have together. How many will you say? How long do you have? But one thing is for sure, I want more. And she deserves more. Lots more.

Allow me to spare you the rest of the truths. But the short answer is simply that I could not find a good argument to tell Tamar we should wait any longer for us to grab our backpacks and hit the road – celebrate our last 25 years together by turning the page and enjoy a perfectly fine mid life crisis full of bliss and beauty, and leave the door open to serendipity for our next leadership opportunities, once our long list of travels and adventures is exhausted.

Working at Google is a privilege, nothing less. I have worked with the best of the best, and know that I am leaving Google in great hands. I have made so many friends at Google it’s not funny. Larry, Sergey, Eric, thank you for friendship. I am forever grateful for letting me be me, for your trust, your warmth, your support, and for so much laughter through good and not so good times.

To be clear, I am still here. I wish to transition over the coming months but only after we have found a new Googley CFO and help him/her through an orderly transition, which will take some time.

In the end, life is wonderful, but nonetheless a series of trade offs, especially between business/professional endeavours and family/community. And thankfully, I feel I’m at a point in my life where I no longer have to have to make such tough choices anymore. And for that I am truly grateful. Carpe Diem.

Patrick

About Hueina Su
Hueina Su is an internationally recognized expert in helping heart-centered, successful but exhausted high-achieving professional women break The Good Girl Spell, and find the missing PEACE and BALANCE in their stressful lives. She is an international keynote speaker, certified executive and life coach, best-selling author of Intensive Care for the Nurturer’s Soul: 7 Keys to Nurture Yourself While Caring for Others, and a featured expert in the award-winning transformational movie The Keeper of the Keys along with Jack Canfield, John Gray and Marci Shimoff.

For more information about Hueina’s speaking, coaching, book and other products, visit www.HueinaSu.com

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